A bit pretentious, but who cares, right???

At least something is progressing.

2010-08-06T16:20:00.002-04:00

Eight weeks ago I was 228lbs. I weighed in yesterday at 208lbs. woo hoo. My secret goal is to be under 200 by my birthday. I may or may not make that but that is my goal. I have 4 weeks to drop another 8-9lbs. Here we go.

WTF man

2010-07-28T23:53:00.002-04:00

First off, yes I have been drinking, But I feel what I have to say is equally valid whether or not I was drunk.

It is sad to me that in the last year I have had 10 dates planned and that only 3 of those actually showed and that of those 3, two ended early because it was clear I wasn't putting out. The other 70% never happened because I was stood up or canceled due to some lame reason and never heard from them again.

Last week I was to have a date with a guy and he "hurt" his back at work during the day and had to cancel. However he never told me this until I was waiting for him and texted. He said he sent me an email on facebook, but I never received it. Tonight we were to meet again but he sent a text an hour before meeting and says he has to work late. I find this a little convenient. He actually said that we would need to push back our meeting time. And then I didn't hear from him again. SERIOUSLY??????

What the fuck!!!??!?!?!?!?!

A few things

2010-07-21T15:33:00.002-04:00

I love biking. What I don't love are stupid people and those same stupid people on segways and those people on the 4 wheeled bike carriages I don't know what they are call but I hate them. I am a courteous biker, I tell them when I am coming up on the left to pass people. It's when they don't take heed and I come to a complete stop just to get around them. And then they give me dirty looks for not running them down. I say just run em down it's easier on me.

On to some good news as of weigh in today I am at 214lbs. The lowest I have been in... in... I am not really sure maybe 7-8 years.

Next Tuesday at 10 am Central time I will be interviewing for a job in Chicago. This thrills me to know end. Just to have an honest to god sit down interview and not just a phone interview makes me happy. So I may be a member of the Chicago populous very soon.

Just saying no.

2010-07-17T08:36:00.002-04:00

So in doing this weight watchers thing really became difficult last night. The budgeting for drinks was not an issue, however budgeting for drinks and popcorn at the movies was a bit of an issue especially since I had Quiznos for lunch. Not my choice by the way, I met with a friend of mine who I am helping with a camp and she picked Quiznos for lunch so I went with it. Not the worst place but not the best. After the movie we went off to Greg's for a couple of drinks and then as I left to go home there it was, a craving. I was so hungry, I would normally stop at the White Casket and get an order of cheese sticks. I had 4 points left on the day. I looked up what a fried stick of cheesey goodness would cost me. 10, 10 points for 2. I normally have an order of 10, holey crap people. Are you telling me that in my sack of 10 is 50 points and I only get 36 daily points. That almost made me throw up right there. With that knowledge I had to just drive straight home and say no to fried goodness. I came home and fixed a much lighter snack and went to bed only being 2 points over for the day instead of 44. I don't have enough will power for this.

Gaga... no no

2010-07-15T15:31:00.002-04:00

So Lady Gaga is in Indy tonight and I have to say I do not get it. I don't care for her music. I have seen her videos she isn't that good of a dancer. Her voice is over producer and it's all just a little too freak show for my taste. I feel like I am the only homo on earth not tripping over myself for this concert.

So, why should I pay for that again?

2010-07-14T09:43:00.002-04:00

I was watching TV and saw an ad for Weight Watchers. I have known several people who have been on it and it has worked really well. Actually I have never known anyone who went on it who didn't have success. Well in this ad they were touting an app for your phone to track points. I thought "hmmm, I wonder if my phone has this?" So I did a quick search and there it was. Actually three handy apps. One has a list of foods and what they are worth. Another is a calculator to figure out the points of a food and the last one is a tracker. I just plug in some info and it tells me how many points I get. I can also figure how many activity points I get from working out. I have to say for just using it a couple of days, it pretty helpful. I get 36 points for the day without exercising. Which is good for when I am eating at home and making my own food. I actually find it difficult to reach 36 points. But then for fun yesterday I was looking up some foods and found that one trip to Burger King would cost me 32 points....

Yea just let that sink in for a minute. I about died. Now I have to say over the last three weeks for some reason I haven't had fast food but like twice. Not because I was trying mind you it just happened. and I have lost like 7 lbs. Granted I have also been on my bike a lot but still I can see how my avoiding the drive thru has effected my waist line.

Knowing that fast food has that much of my daily pointage makes me reconsider all my eating choices. I have always justified it away as saying "Oh every so often won't kill me." But every so often meant like 3-4 times a week. Which really adds up. So yea wow. No wonder Americans are such fatasses. I mean I knew this but it's like I really know this, enough so to make me want to stop eating in those places.

Back to my point. If all of this information which is the basis of the weight watchers schtick is readily available, then why should I have to pay for it. Why should anyone. I was chatting with my roommate David about it and he said it's so the people can get together once a week and yell at you for being a fattie. I said awesome yet another reason not to pay for it.

So I will keep using it. It may work it may not but I will know in a few weeks if I have dropped more weight of course it could also be the biking too.

In the spirit of staying positive.

2010-07-13T11:01:00.001-04:00

My biking adventures have been paying off in the fact that for the first time in 2 years I am under 220. Or at least I think it has been two years I could be wrong on that. I just know the last time I seriously tried to maintain a healthy active regiment was two years ago when I went to Vegas. Who knows I may actually hit my drivers license weight.

I still don't know.

2010-07-11T10:41:00.002-04:00

I have never really had a good grip on what is happening in my life and the more I try to understand it the less I do. So, I think I am just going to let the currents take me where they may. I could quite literally end up in the gutter. Or not who really knows. The past month I have been applying for jobs in another city. I have completely given up on this one. Not that I dislike Indianapolis, just the opposite. I have just come to an understanding with the city that we are both just looking for too different things. So I am breaking up with it.

That really is the best way of putting it. We have laughed and cried together, grown together (especially around the middle) and I think it's best if we just stay friends. No I don't think a change of scenery is going to change anything really but staying in the same isn't changing anything either. It's more than just still looking for a job, it's about how I am here. I don't like who I am here. I am a different person when I am around different people. I was lamenting to a friend and asking if it was bad that I saw moving as a chance to purge friends? Don't get me wrong I have wonderful friends here, however I am ready for something else.

I will soon be 35 and will have had one boyfriend for less than one year of my life and nothing else. I will have had 2 jobs I sorta liked and nothing else. Yes yes I know all of that is on me and not my friends or where I lay my head every night. However something needs to change and I am starting with the easiest, location. I have always found it easier to change my habits when I am in a new physical location so this is an experiment. If it works great if not maybe I will head somewhere else. But unlike last time I will have a job before I go. about 9 years ago I moved to Florida without a job and 3 months later I was back. But the flip side Chicago is much closer. And so far job opportunities are greater. As a friend pointed out that there is a larger populous vying for those jobs as well. I say yes however I have found 10 times the number of jobs there and Chicago's population is not 10 times that of Indy. And it's Chicago, what's not to love. Yes winters suck up there but winters suck here and up there I won't have to scrape my car. Yes I will have to walk in it more and that will be a point of contention but so what.

Goddamn it I want to be positive again. I liked myself better when I was and I haven't been for a long time so here we go.

Just tired

2010-05-27T15:17:00.001-04:00

Tired of being a complete failure in everything. I have found a shovel and have dug new lows for myself on a daily basis.

Question of the day?

2010-04-27T13:10:00.001-04:00

How long do you have to go before considered revirginized?

And two if you have to ask that question as a gay man, can you even consider yourself gay?

Wow

2010-04-06T01:14:00.002-04:00

What an incredible past few days. I went to the north side with some friends to see the Butler/MSU game. After we won it was suggested going downtown and see if we could score some tickets from MSU fans. Well we did and I made it to the game tonight.

What a game! I love college basketball and especially the tournament. What made it better that my Bulldogs just kept winning. Always picked to lose each round they kept pulling it out. I went to the game tonight more for the experience than for the win. Yes a win would have been great but when there were 71,000 people in the stadium and the majority were rooting for Butler you have no idea what it was like. It was so cool to here there roar of "B U!" at the end of the "War Song". The whole night was just a high. The team made it such a great game and made Duke earn every point and the win. Butler played a full slate of great teams to get to the end of that long road. UTEP, Murray State, Syracuse, Kansas State, Michigan State and the one that stopped the win streak Duke.

All my love to my Alma Mater and to the best Team Butler has seen.

What an experience. I need sleep now.

Question of the day

2010-04-02T12:08:00.002-04:00

So I have to ask is there just a lack of people my age single in this town or is it just me? In my attempts to find someone to spend a little time with I have come to hate the search. It just isn't fun. I know some people do and good for them. I don't like it because it really does just open up new worlds of stupidity to me. Like who really refers to themselves as "an old soul"? Who even talks like that. I have already mentioned my disdain for egocentric, name droppers. But it's so much more. We are all insecure, the more you proclaim you security in who you are the more it indicates your own unhappiness in yourself. It's all about lowered expectation. Life sucks, life is crap let's all just realize that and move on. Once you accept that life can actually be a lot more fun. Trust me I know the story of those in glass houses. It would be difficult for me to throw a stone over the 40 ft walls I have built around my own. I just ... well that is just it I don't know. It would be easier if there were a manual. And people say that would not make life as interesting as it is. Well I am here to dispute that. I think a little help here or there would be nice. Just like on some video game you can choose "Easy, normal, difficult". I would like that option for real life.

Ah well I can ask and plead for such a thing but it will never happen. Such is life.

Really an old soul?????

Spring has sprung

2010-03-31T15:08:00.002-04:00

and my spirits a bit too. So since leaving the temp job I have traveled to Iowa to see friends and that was much needed. It was just nice to get away from my life for awhile. But I have to say my life could be much worse. I have been writing again and actually very productive writing. I finished off a trio I had been working on and started and completed a second one. I got a great start on a choral piece and finished the second song to a song cycle I have been wanting to do for 5 years now. Started on the third of the cycle as well. Also finished a string quartet and made tremendous head way on a large orchestral piece. That is the one I have been most excited about. It is also the one that caused me the most panic. I got through most of the material I had sketched out and had on my computer but I didn't have the rest of the sketches on there and couldn't find them in my bedroom. So I went to the storage unit and looked around and couldn't find them. I found a stack of papers I thought might have them so I grabbed them and went home hoping. To my dismay they were nowhere to be found. This is where I worried that I had become so frustrated that I threw it all out or even worse lost it in a move. So today I gave it one last trip to the storage unit and opened every box until (cue angel chorus) I found it. Granted I probably won't use half of it. It still make me happy to have that option again.

So now I am sitting in the central library writing away. Taking a break to do this and then back to being productive with something, if not finding a job.

Star F*%#ers and why I dislike them.

2010-03-29T14:34:00.002-04:00

Have you ever known a name dropper? Someone who goes out of their way to know all the "right" people, not because they are the right people to know but because they have name recognition? They will ditch whomever they are with when someone more important walks into a room?

Yea I hate those people. Especially when those people are fine when no one else is around. I have had too many experiences with people like that. Are they so unsure of themselves that they need that kind of validation? The answer is probably yes. I have never done anything that I thought would make me popular or in the right crowd. I was in Band for god sakes. I was on Academic Decathlon in High School. In college I belonged to a band fraternity. There has never been a single thing I have done to warrant being part of the "in" crowd. I have never wanted to be in the "in" crowd. I have always had groups of friends and that has always been good for me.

But these social climbers leave me baffled. There always seems to be an air of insincerity about the way they act and the way they act.

I do feel my distaste for such behavior and attitude that I have become a social hermit. I have absolutely know idea what people think of me. I am pretty sure if they don't know me they think nothing of me. Which is quite alright with me. It is better to be thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.

Such an odd place.

2010-02-23T13:47:00.002-05:00

This job is so weird. I really can't put into words how weird it is. You just have to experience it yourself. Like I said to D last night I feel like people are being passive aggressive toward me but I really haven't been there long enough for them to get to that point and I am not going to be there much longer for them to even care. It's so strange and now today they are just fine with me. So strange. There are some people who have stay consistent with me throughout the process. They were dicks all the time or really nice.

Just such a weird vibe around here. It might also be that the people here like to complain and bad mouth just about everyone else and will to anyone who will listen. Which is also odd because with the way they talk everyone knows they are being talked about so it just makes everyone paranoid and sketchy.

I love these group dynamics.

My Saturday was so f'ed up I can't even describe.

2010-02-22T10:41:00.002-05:00

But I am going to anyway.

So here is a little back story fun. My mother cuts my hair she always has only 2 other people in this world have, well three if you count the time I was 4 and wanted to see if I could just do it myself. I got lots of complements I remember everyone looking at me and smiling and saying "I love your hair cut." And I would respond in the only way a 4 year old could. "Thanks I did it myself". I know they wanted to respond with "I can tell" but they were polite and just told I did a good job. And that is when I learned how to be polite and sarcastic at the same time.

Anyway

So my mother is currently the only person allowed to cut my hair. I like to keep it short and neat nothing fancy. The problem is when it is to be short and neat it needs to be cut about every two weeks. Which is usually fine and sometimes I can stretch it to 3 without anyone noticing. However this year I went 3 months without getting it cut. I was totally rocking a great 80's wave with my bangs. It was hot, I was channeling my inner Zach Morris.

So this meant I had to drive up to my moms at some point and get this done. Because I priced men's hair cuts around town and I am not going back to Great Clips, do I even need to explain that. And Damn, it's pricing to get my hair cut. Having only paid twice and being dissatisfied both times I am sticking with my mother.

So on Saturday I wake up wishing I didn't have to drive an hour just to get my hair cut but I am also going to continue decluttering the house. It has been a chore to say the least. When I arrived I found that my brothers are just not helping the situation. I have 2 brother who live close by, they also have children of their own. They also drop their children off quite a lot. My mother is 65 and has a managers schedule for a retail store. Which means she on average works 50+ hours a week and on top of that takes their children to school every morning and many times picks them up as well or babysits because my brother and his wife are just too tired to deal. What do I say to that, "too fucking bad". Thus my mother house is in a constant state of upheaval. It wouldn't be so bad if they were helping out but the thing is I know they aren't. When I who lives an hour away has to come up and clean it gets old. I would really rather work on getting the upstairs cleared out so that it is functional again. If you have seen the show hoarders you then know what my mothers upstairs looks like. Many times I don't even get to that because I am too busy picking up toys, paper, juice cups and cheerio that have been thrown on the floor.

I want my mother to be happy and healthy but having these jackasses take advantage of her is not going to make her happy or healthy. Just continuing up the ladder of favored son.

As I was finishing up at my mother I get a text from Blanche and he asked about going to the Casino. I was for it. Unfortunately I would be in the clothes I wore to clean and my hair freshly cut which meant I would have loose hair on my shirt but we were going to a whitetrash redneck casino so I didn't care. My casino philosophy is that I only spend $20 and when it's gone it's gone. Which usually works for me. So with my twenty in hand I go to the $.01 slots and spin once, twice and hit 20 free spins. From that I win like $82. I immediately cash out. I had $100 why keep going. I pocket $80 and debate what to do next.

I know I will taunt Blanche and FN, which is what I do. Well that only last 5 minutes and so I take my original $20 and sit down again at the penny slots and expect to squander that away in no time. 10 spins in I hit the free spins again rack up another $60. I again immediately cash out. I am now up $140 and this is where it pretty much stops I played the original $20 away and left with far more money then I walked in with. Sadly the same can not be said for FN and Blanche.

After that FN and I went to Gregs where the Big Gay Band was having a fundraiser. I thought I was saving FN from a guy but I wasn't. The guy was pretty trashed and it was like shooting fish in a barrel to make fun of him so that is pretty much how I spent my evening. The drunk guy started flirting pretty heavily with me which was fine because a person I know, we will call him Toby took a shine to the drunk mess. Let's see Toby could aggravate the balls off a pool table and quite frankly if he never spoke to me again I would be ecstatic. Anyway drunk mess drags me to the dance floor and tries to make out with me. I feel this would have been better if we were both in the same state of intoxication. He was drunk I was not. It was clear he was drunk and was way flirty. I did drive him back to his hotel and before you get too excited nothing much happened. I got him up to his hotel room and we pretty much just passed out. The next morning we made out but he wasn't very good when sober. So I just excused myself and went home.

And that was my Saturday.

The End

What is that giant ball of burning gas in the sky?

2010-02-19T12:39:00.002-05:00

Glorious, the sun is out, the snow has stopped, the wind is not gusting. I am happy. er. A few weeks back I was talking with my friend about smokers freely get up and walk out of work a few times a day and no one really thinks twice about it. But I feel self conscious if I got up and went outside for a few minutes. But not today. The sun was shining and I really needed that. It just made me feel better like the world and my world were not over. That yes there will be bright sunny days again and I would be able to get out and bike and wear shorts and do all the things I love doing.

Of course we still have to get through the week of snow that is predicted but at least for today, it was nice.

In need of bread crumbs.

2010-02-19T09:24:00.002-05:00

So here is my first real, straight up, not just an observation but a complaint about this temp job. The network drive at this place is a complete mess. Nothing is where it logically should be. To find the answers I need I have to go digging through folder after folder trying to determine what they meant by titling things the way they do. That is all well and good, fine have your fucked up system that makes you fall behind and miss every deadline you set for yourself. But here is my complaint. Why, when I email you with a very specific question that you apparently know the answer to you don't answer the question you tell me to look in this one document. I have been here 6 weeks. You would need 4 Sherpas, 3 advanced degrees and a map to find anything in this network drive. I love it when they tell you it's in one folder, you go there and it's not there. You tell them and they look at you with a quizzical look and say "huh". When they know the answer they just don't give it to you, which would expedite the process and get me to doing something else. They seem to think that instead of just telling me they send me on a wild goose chase and then become irritated when I can't find it. I enjoy hazing just like the next guy but really. I understand that your job is hard and you probably don't have time to answer my question but come on.

2 more weeks.

Reinvent myself? Don't mind if I do.

2010-02-18T09:57:00.002-05:00

Like it was so easy to invent myself in the first place.

I find it interesting that we throw around this notion of reinventing really anything and anyone. Do we ever? If TV has taught me anything, and it hasn't, it's that we fail when we try to be someone we are not. Any good 80's movie will show that the nerds can be popular for a time but in the end they are right back where they started and they have learned a valuable lesson in those last 90 minutes. *The more you know (cue shooting star)*

If I hear one more person say reinventing themselves I will die. It implies they are shucking everything that was them and donning a new persona. Now we can improve ourselves by going back to school but you never fundamentally change who you are. The old adage 'a tiger never changes its stripes' is very true. Just like in the episode where Homer, Apu and Moe have a bowling team and Mr. Burns joins the team and it looks like he just wants to be part of something more than just himself. He in the end he reverted to his old self and stole the trophy for himself.

In all those John Hughes films they may get the girl or boy in the end but really they go back to being the same geeky/nerdy self in the end.

And why would you want to "reinvent" anything. How often do we hear the saying "Let's not reinvent the wheel shall we." I think that is a good way of looking at it, as potentially counter productive. Add, detract or modify behaviors or your physical self but never try to become something you are not. You are who you are. Any real significant change is going to take years of work and can not be done with a new wardrobe.

Just thoughts to ponder.

Observations on my way into work.

2010-02-17T09:01:00.002-05:00

The commute to work is a relatively short one, unless of course I get stuck behind a school bus. Which actually happens more often than not. The other thing that can slow me up is when a cop car is driving in one of the lanes and goes under the speed limit. I want to shake people and let them know that it is indeed ok and legal to pass a cop when they are going under the speed limit and when we have a whole other lane to choose from. I drive a small car so many times I can't see around the minivan, SUV or whatever urban assault vehicle is on the market this year, so I don't know when there is a real reason or the lame one I am usually presented. To these people I say, just go home you don't know how to drive and chip in for better public transportation.

As I said normally this isn't a real problem it's just on those rare mornings it makes me shake my head and a little later to work.

This next one isn't a complaint more of just an observation. The Conseco parking garage may be one of the worst designed parking structures I have ever been in. The fact that for games they have to hire people to direct traffic in and out is not a good sign. I am not talking one or two people like four for every turn in the building. I shake my head because really I am only parking there for another 3 weeks and then I don't have to deal with it. Also I am not paying for it, so I find it more amusing than annoying. If I were paying for it and it was a long term thing then yea I would probably go all belligerent gay driver on it.

The other thing about Conseco is that once you get into the field house itself to get to the lower level there is one escalator and a standard width set of stairs. I didn't mean a set of escalators I mean an escalator that only travels in one direction. That direction changes depending on the time of day. The stairs next to it are not that wide either so I can only imagine what it would be like during a game or other large event. Normally in the morning when I need to go down the escalator is moving in that direction. However this is not always true when I need to go back up the escalator. All of that really doesn't matter because I will always walk the stairs. I don't have a gym pass any more and it's too cold and snowing to go biking so this is really the only exercises I get these days. The funny thing is I never really think about how ridiculous it is for me to forgo the escalator for the stairs. That is until today as I was coming down some people were coming up. I say some and I mean 4. They gave me the dirtiest look because they had to move over because stupid me didn't take the lazy mans way out. I know that is what they meant because when they saw me they looked at the escalator beside them and then back to me with the sourest look they could muster. To that I say, whatever. I need this little bit of work, I am not getting it anywhere else.

Now on this next point I am going to complain because, really. In Conseco is a Starbucks and many people will part on the street outside of it in the morning, run in and get their over priced cup of joe. That isn't my problem, I don't begrudge anyone their morning pick me up. What does bother me is when those people park in clearly illegal parking spots. Example this morning I saw a car parked in an intersection. Imagine a T intersection and the car was parked under the traffic light. Granted the car was probably in no danger of being hit, but come on. Really? There were no other spots available? And just because you put your flashers on doesn't make it any less stupid, rude or illegal.

And finally on the lighter side of things I noticed as I trekked into work today was the pair of sun tanning goggles in the middle of a snow covered sidewalk.

I am going to leave that as my moment of zen this morning.

Stories of my past.

2010-02-16T09:03:00.002-05:00

I realized yesterday that it was not only the job market that booted me back to Indiana those many years ago. It was also the appalling stories I came away with because of said adventure. Some may argue that those are part of the adventure but I say they just left me scared.

First I must say that is really is unfair how we in the gay community categorize people. It really is just one group we criticize and pigeon hole. We call this group everyone we personally wouldn't sleep with. Older gay men do receive a lot of this scrutinizing. Example we might refer to them as a sugar daddy or a troll. Really neither are things that we strive for typically. I mean really who wants to pay for sex and who wants to hide under bridges and eat goats?

Not I.

The thing is there are some very nice older gay gentlemen. But sadly they like Lesbians don't venture out after the sun goes down which is when most gay men go down. The following two stories have nothing to do with nice older gentlemen. Well one has what I thought was until two words were uttered and made me think "Not so Much".

While I spent my time in Orlando trying to find a job I decided maybe I could meet some new people. The friends I did have down here really didn't go out that much or at least not when I wanted to so I did a lot of exploring on my own. *Sidebar this is also when I decided to not go to bars on my own.* I found a nice little bar called... the rainbow cactus?,... the blue cactus?,... something cactus???? In any case there was a desert theme at work. Which really was reflected well in the desert like conditions of the bar. That is to say there was really no one there. I sat at the bar and a rather nice older man, I would say in his early 60's sat next to me. I just want to say that I like men around my age and at this time of my life I was about 25 and not really interesting in men that were older than my father. But I will have a conversation with just about anyone. That doesn't mean I will sleep with you or have a profound impact on your life. We sat there for about 30 minutes discussing lots of things like where I came from and what I was looking for in the way of work. After a while he bought me a drink which was nice I wasn't one to turn down free booze especially when I was without a source of income. About three drinks in he looks at me, places his hand on mine and says "You have the most perfect hands." That to me was the strangest thing I had ever heard in my life and quite possibly the worst pick up line. I also am not a fan of the unwelcomed touch. But I was young and naive so I rolled with it and said something I look back and wished I had never let slip out of my mouth. But to be fair I still believe in normal circumstances it was a very logical question. I looked at the "gentleman" and asked. "Why are they perfect?" His response even 9 years later makes me shudder. "For fisting." *Those would be the two words that made me think "Not So Much"*

Yea I am going to let that one sink in, so to speak.

I willed myself not to vomit and composed myself long enough finish my drink in one gulp and say "thankyoubutIneedtobegoingnow........." As I bolted for the door. As I said that I imagine a me shaped cloud of dust still sitting at the bar finishing my drink, because really I ain't wasting free booze.

And people wonder why I am skittish around people and avoid eye contact and conversation.

This weekend was a fine example as I came into Zonies two of my friends were trapped in a conversation with a very drunk, incoherent and what I assume was a homeless man. If he wasn't homeless his drinking problem made him appear that way and that is reason enough to avoid like the plague. I walked in and went straight passed them and to the bar. I have come to just not engage them in he first place. That is how you get invited to start a ventriloquists act.

Yea I said it.

The second story is a little more graphic, well for me it was but no less disturbing. I am not sure if this happened before or after the first story but either way I still throw up a little in my mouth when I think about it. This story takes place before sun down and at a bar that was described in the gay newspaper as "A neighborhood bar." Always be suspicious and always carry Purell. I pull up to the bar around 8ish it is still sunny it was summer in Florida it's always sunny. Anyway the bar is a cinder block building and if you didn't know there was a bar there you wouldn't know it. But that could be said of most gay bars in Orlando so I didn't think much of it. The parking lot was full of cars. I usually take that as a good sign but there were probably a lot of cars in the parking lot of the Hindenburg disaster too.

I go in and this is where I should have just turned around and left, ah hindsight. As I walk in my eyes need to adjust to the near total darkness. There is a light bulb hanging above the pool table and a flickering neon sign behind the bar. I count 3 people in the bar itself. Me, the bartender and someone who actually may have been dead. I go to the bar and order a beer because that is probably the safest thing to get here and I wonder were everyone is. The bar isn't that big and aside from the bathrooms this appears to be the only room in the place. As I sit there the bartender takes the empty from from the man I thought was dead and threw it into a metal trash can and the bottle pretty much explodes and I am hit with shards of glass.

I over hear the bartender say something about someone outside on the patio. Huzzah the patio of course every bar in Florida has more outside space than inside. So I head out. Again my eyes need time to adjust from the near total darkness I was in to the blinding light of... well light. As I round the corner to an open grassy area enclosed by a 12 foot fence I notice to men roughly in their 60's getting it on in the bushes. When I say getting it on I don't mean making out. I mean full on, live sex acts.

Shudder... vomit... shudder again.

It really was comical my response I didn't stop moving from the time I rounded the corner and saw what I saw to just circling and heading back out the way I came. I only stopped because a very short man stopped me. I mean quiet literally put his hand on my chest and stared straight at me and asked "Where are you headed?" I said "Out." He said "Sweety you need to stay." I was like no I really don't. I just looked at him and said "I don't know what is going on here but I need to go." He cleared up a few things when he said "Oh you didn't know this was a sex club?"

And to that I just dropped my beer, pushed the old dwarf aside and bolted for my car.

And so the moral of this story don't ever believe what is written in a gay newspaper and nice old men are rarely just nice.

Where to go from here?

2010-02-15T09:16:00.003-05:00

Snow.

I am really kind of over it. The snow and this cold just isn't deciding what they want to do. They come and go and never really take a serious stance one way or the other. If you are going to snow could you not do it while I am asleep and have to clear my car off first thing in the morning. Could ya do that for me? Could you just wait till I am at work and in a parking garage to where it makes no difference to me one way or the other.

Understand I know this is what it is like living in the Midwest. Unpredictable weather and from one year to the next you never know what you are going to get. There have been some winters that it may snow once and that is a light dusting. Those are what I call good years. Then others we are buried in snow for most of January and February. I call those years, the year I am moving from this god forsaken dump. But here is the thing no one place is free from bad weather or things that make living there undesirable. But there is a part of me that would like to give it a try.

Years ago I did try the whole uproot my life and move somewhere far away. It really didn't work. I was there for about 3 months and never found steady work. I bounced around from different places to live. Including a couple that I am pretty sure just wanted me to be a third in their relationship and when I let it be known that I wasn't going to do that it ended pretty badly. When I left Florida I never drove faster in my life. I stopped in Cincinnati on my way back to Indy and I have never felt more relieved to see my friends. I went down there thinking I could get a job no problem, well problem there just were not any jobs to be had. I met some very nice people and some not so nice. I believe I lost a friend out of the ordeal but all in all it was a huge learning experience I never want to repeat. Since then the idea of moving away is still very strong however there have to be certain factors to consider. Like I have to have a job before I leave. I know, I know not as adventurous but probably a way to make the whole situation easier and less stressful.

So until I find a way out I guess I will have to deal with the snow. Booo snow!

Romeo & Juliet? Who the F wants that?

2010-02-13T12:10:00.004-05:00

As I was leaving work yesterday I heard music playing. All I caught were the lyrics that stated "We are just like Romeo and Juliet."And I have to ask myself did the person who wrote those lyrics ever read Romeo and Juliet? Because really who would ever want their relationship to be like that. In the end they off themselves, I'm sorry, passed themselves away. They were really just stupidly over dramatic teenagers. I myself would first of all would never want to be compared with that. Who wants to be a teenager and really that whole situation was just ridiculous. If I wanted my relationship to mimic any Shakespearean couple I would probably go with Benedick and Beatrice. Clearly they were intellectual equals. They fought constantly but when it came down to it they really loved one another. When I was a theatre major, for the briefest of semesters my acting teachers said that the strongest choices or emotions you could make were to hate or love. I do believe that. Those we love are also the ones that can frustrate and anger us the most. I would rather someone who can insult me than someone who just goes gooey eyed every moment. Someone who can match my cynicism, bitterness and sarcastic nature would be awesome. Plus I doubt that person would kill themselves over me, because I certainly wouldn't. I may kill them but that is completely different.

Addendum to things I hate.

2010-02-12T16:44:00.002-05:00

Mac's. I understand you have some cute commercials and Mac's are suppose to be a lot faster and break down less. That is just false. I hate the spinning color wheel of death. I don't own a Mac and I will never own one because I love my PC. Yes all computers have their foibles and draw backs but I like the PCs draw back more so then the Mac's. I am only using this infernal machine while working at this temp job. *Sidebar I also hate people who think Excel is a database and think that spreadsheets are also a database. They aren't, it isn't, just use Access and be done with it. It's not that hard to figure out.* Though the dock is a nice feature I hate that I have move everything to get to something I already have open. It's irritating.

Ok I feel a little better. Bring on the weekend 10 more minutes.

Woo hoo!

Chronicles of a Skinny man trapped in a Fat man, but at least I am eating well.

2010-02-12T09:57:00.003-05:00

I find it interesting that I always think of my physical self in terms of what I looked like when I was in my early twenties. I think of what I weighed then as what I normally weigh and every other time in my life as out of the norm. Really who wouldn't think that? In most cases we looked and felt better as young people so why wouldn't we want to think of our ideal self as that. I did some figuring and I spent about 9 years of my life at this height at my ideal size and 9 year not. So really the "norm" isn't the norm any more. Maybe this is the way I should be? Who am I to argue with my body, if this is what it wants then this is what it should be, right??

Yea that is the mentality that has Montel holding my hand as my leg fat flows over the side of my bed. Not that I think I am obese, well the Wii says I am, but I am not comfortable. I remember what it was like to go into a store and really wear what I want. The only problem then was finding jeans with a small enough waist. Yes I am bragging a bit but really that bragging is negated by the fact that now I am wearing a waistline that dwarfs what I use to wear. When I was in college I would wear 30-31" waist now I wear 36" but really I should be in a 38 if I wanted to breathe freely and not have uncomfortable cramping. I just decided when I hit 36 that I was holding there no matter what. This is faulty logic and I am aware of that. I understand what a corset feels like to an extent because I have done it to my mid section. I am not displacing organs or anything but it does make me uncomfortable after a trip to the India Gardens buffet. This refusal to go higher than a 36 has also kept me in many of the same clothes for the last several years. Because I know that if I go buy new I will find that the size 36 in the store hasn't been stretched out as much as the size 36 I have at home.

For many years I have just ignored the fact that I have been ballooning to the point that if I went to the beach people would be trying to get me back into the water. It hasn't been until the last 3 years that I have sat up, well rolled over and pushed my self up, ok just laid there, and taken notice of my problem. It has been on again and off again with diet and exercise. I feel now is no different. I have no illusions that I am making real changes to my life. I understand that at some point I will flop off the wagon and get the elastic waistband pants out of storage. But for now I am making some head way. I am not going to lie I started to make progress last year at this time and fell off because I left my job and got depressed and got on a first name basis with all the delivery people at Donatos. I do feel had I kept up with it through the summer I would be in a much better place, but woulda, shoulda, coulda never accomplished anything.

So here I am sitting at 222 getting smaller by the day. Although I must say the other day I found out that Jimmie John's delivers and you can order on line and not have to talk to anyone!!!!!!! This excites and terrifies me all at the same time. When it comes to food I am a weak weak man. I will have that extra slice or half a pizza. I am a good boy and clear my plate more often then not. Ok I am going to stand up for myself for one minute here. I eat this way because I always have and it's not my fault my metabolism isn't like it used to be. Well actually I guess it would be since it is my body after all. Sigh, my body has betrayed me without as much as a tweet updating me about it. So here I am discovering the joys of small meals and actually sticking to a serving size, which in many cases is just ridiculously small. I now enjoy the grocery store as much as I enjoy clothing stores. Thank god I can always wear shoes no matter the size the rest of me gets.

Am I cynical?

2010-02-11T09:20:00.004-05:00

(Don't answer that I know the answer already.)

So I am gearing up for yet another S.A.D.. I feel at this point in my life I will never have good feelings about this particular day of commercial exploitation. I mean really if you need one day a year and a media blitz to tell you to do something nice for the one you love. Then buddy you are in a sad way. From what I remember of dating, it's been so long, I was never really big on grand gestures or public displays of affection. That doesn't mean I would shy away from a kiss in pubic or holding hands but I would never have been that person who mauled their partner in a crowded restaurant either.

What I love about this "holiday" is that it has no shame in it's exclusionary ways. It is solely meant to just include couples. It's the Noah's Ark of holidays. If you can't pair off on this day then go drown with the heathens. It also makes you feel guilty if you are with someone and you don't buy expensive things. It's ridiculous to think that love can only be expressed through material gain. All those commercials that say "Tell her how you really feel with this heart shaped diamond pendent." Because actually verbalizing your feelings isn't enough. I guess I understand jewelry but at the same time I don't. It doesn't help that as a man and gay and single I have absolutely no reason to ever step in to a jewelry store. I don't wear watches, I don't have anything to buy someone and ... yea that is about it no other reason I can think of. Even if I were dating I don't see the need since well I am gay. So yea the valentines thing is so wasted on me. I find it funny since Valentine was almost my name *shudder*.

When it comes to things like this I am just not the sappy type and I am so not a joiner. Valentines day is all about being a joiner. Feeling you have to do something because everyone else is doing it or people are telling you that you should. I am so not a joiner to the point I sometimes will go against something because someone told me to or all the cool kids are doing it. I guess that is why I am a curmudgeon and happy to be so. I understand the mentality going along with the crowd because who wants to be left out? You know what though sometimes I do. Maybe I am incapable of being one of those shiny happy people. Maybe I don't want to be. I sometimes wonder if I make things too hard for myself, is there a simpler way of doing things? Do I have to be single? Here is the Catch 22 on that thought. I really don't care what people think of me but at the same time I know how I am perceived is what is determining if I get a date or not. As much as I would love a man to just skip past the superficial crap and just get to know me all would be fine. But lets' be honest men are lazy creatures and for them just to skip past the top layers is just far more work than they want to put into it. To let what others think influence me seems like I would be giving up more of who I am. Would I? I don't know. I see people who really do make this all seem very easy and I have to ask myself why is it so easy for them and so hard for me. Am I over thinking it? I think the length of this entry is telling me something about that question. I have done the bar thing, and really that only works for a one night thing at best. I have friends who wonder why I am not sexually active I say it's because I am wanting a guy to be interested in me long than an orgasm. I have done the, do more activities in the community to meet new people. I will have to say I have made some very good friends and have met some wonderful guys that I wouldn't mind dating but I also wouldn't mind dating their partners. See the problem I am having. I have put myself out there, out there just doesn't have much to offer. Again I wonder if it is just location, would I do better else where? But I am in the 13th largest city in the US. I only have 12 other places I could go to make this situation potentially better. I mean it is a numbers game at this point.

Well regardless of all that I am spending my S.A.D. in a bar watching drag queens.

Things I hate

2010-02-10T10:32:00.002-05:00

Hate is such a strong word, and that is why I like it.

The top of my list:

Snow
Really this is at the top because I have dealt with it the past few days. Snow itself isn't really that bad, even driving in it I can deal. What I can't stand is the cold that comes with it. If snow could occur without the low temps... well I guess we would just call it rain. But I hate being old and snow does not help me stay warm so therefore I hate it. The snow, though I do not find it difficult to traverse others on the road seem to have a time of it. The fuctard who get in my way don't know how to drive in good weather become exponentially worse as the precipitants fall. I swear you spit on the ground and everyone freaks out. Seriously it's not that bad just drive like an idiot. Of course that is the issue at hand isn't it. Don't drive like an idiot? Practically everyone behind a wheel is an idiot. We are on the right track when we require everyone to pass a test before being issued a license; however I say if they can't pass it the first or even the second time screw'em they don't deserve one. This is why public transportation is the way to go, take most of the problem out of the equation.

So in short Snow=Stupidity, Stupidity=Bad, Bad=Grumpy Maestro.
And even more watered down Maestro hate snow!

Number two on my list:
People who feel like they shouldn't have to do their jobs.
Look people we have to do things we don't like to do. Sometimes we are even paid to do those things. I myself on many occasion have hated one aspect of my job or two and I understand grumbling about it, that is fine we all do that and we need to blow off steam sometimes. But here's the thing, you still have to do it. Also the excessive complaining about the thing you don't do and when you do do it you are bad at it, is probably why no one wants to sit with you in the lunch room.

Number Three:
Mall Kiosk workers.
I know I touched on this a few weeks back but I feel it is worth mentioning again. They are like the homeless, they will stop you when you clearly have no interest in speaking with them. They are pushy and rude. Though they don't ask for change to get a bus ticket because they got stranded downtown, they do ask you to sample something or criticize your grooming habits. Again like the homeless we avoid eye contact, ignore them when they speak to us and cross the street or otherwise get out of there way. The kiosks never have anything I would ever buy. If they did they would have a real store. At best they are an impulse buy like those at the check out lane, except I would actually use a pack of gum.

*Side hate #3a If you are stranded downtown and need to get home why are you stranded everyday for months or even years. Really? You think we are buying that?*

Number 4:
Why oh why does my body produce so much mucus? I mean seriously how is it possible that my body could generate that amount. I mean the laws of physics should dictate that you can not create energy or matter only change it from one state to another. I am not ingesting enough to create this much nor am I getting smaller at a rate that would suggest such a change over. So really what gives? Ok so maybe I exagerate and I am not a slime monster but it sure seems that way.

Number 5:
Can't these people see that I am trying to update my blog. Please stop asking me questions.

The sooner I get this done the sooner I can do actual work.

I kid I mean go to lunch.

I don't have a title for this.

2010-02-08T10:05:00.000-05:00

So I lived... well I survived I don't know I would call that living. The weekend got better, drugged myself up enough to go to the roller derby on Saturday. Yet again I am so impressed with the Women of NRG. It really has become my favorite sport. It doesn't hurt that I am friends with some of the players. Of course I became a fan even before they joined or I knew them better. It just ramped up when they did start playing. for two seasons I have only missed one bout and really that was because of a scheduling conflict and not because I didn't want to. Now I know rabid fans of other sports will buy all the trinkets and clothing options available to them to show their support and pride. I am just not that type of fan. I will go to games and shout myself horse win or lose. I will throw things at my TV and in general act like a 2 year old if I am at home. I am very vocal about my fannery...? my fannishnish...? support. I love my teams I love my sports. Note that was MY sports not just sports. Which brings me to Sunday.

Again I am not a fan of the Volleyball but I do have hometown pride. Please understand this does not make me a fair weather fan. I would have as much ambivalence toward the Colts if they won or lost. Yes I want them to do well but I am not going to slash their tires for a losing season. Look I just don't like the people who are down on the Colts after losing to a fine and deserving team. I mean really they made it to the Superbowl. Do you know how many other cities would kill just to get that far. We were that city 3 years ago. To those people who want the head of the coach and players for "giving" the game away, I say this "Don't be like a Patriots fan. Other teams are good and other teams deserve to win to." I am glad it was New Orleans and not some other team. I know I may be gay and that I don't like football generally but I have seen my fair share of games. Neither team really made any mistakes. That interception was just a better play on the part of the Saints. It was a play we had run before so it was easy for them to predict and intercept. I don't think it was a mistake just good timing on their part. So with that in mind I say good job to the local sports franchise on a good season.

TV is so bad.

2010-02-06T13:10:00.003-05:00

TV is just such a bad thing, for me most of the time it is just background noise. I sometimes wish I watched more, I mean really watched not just let happen. However after flipping through the channels while being sick I got that reminder why I own one TV and normally do not keep it in my bedroom. When I first moved in with The Nerds, J kept trying to get me to take one of their TV's. I said thanks but this one was fine. I like my 19" flat screen. J thought I was crazy he said it made him sad that I had such a small TV. Understand they have 5 TV's in their house and the smallest is bigger than any TV I have ever owned. This is not a judgement on their television habits. It has just never been a priority for me. I even lived several months without a TV. Granted in every life a little TV must reign.

Anyway.

So back to my adventures in mindless sensory overload. I had to actually say something to the TV when I was flipping through and caught a fashion critique from the Grammy's. What did it for me was some E channel bimbo in a dress too small asking the question "What is this Jersey Shore girl doing at the Grammy's anyway, what has she done but be on a reality show?" Umm I am sorry some ho-bag Kardashian I have know Idea what your first name is, who are you to talk? I mean really what is your claim to fame? I had this same problem when I saw a show entitled "Kendra" I was like who the hell is she and why should I be watching her. My friend pointed out that she had been on "Girls Next Door". ???????? It is apparently a show about playboy models who live with Heff at the Playboy Mansion. Okay I am sure for a straight man or horny teenage boy this is the target group but I am neither of those things so really I say "????????" So yet, another ho-bag I don't care about on my TV. The other day I found out that I can blame Douchy McDoucherson, Ryan Seacrest for both of these brilliant additions to television programing. At least I see the point of him, he does serve a purpose, not a good one but a purpose non the less, much like a door stop or a paper weight. He is a spokesperson for a lame ass show that seems pretty popular and he is a DJ. I don't like him or the show he is on but Hey at least that is work. These people and their reality shows are not doing anything but tanning themselves and shopping. Why do I care? Oh and they complain and bitch about each other all the time. I do that. That's not television that is just life we all do that, we don't need to sit through commercials for that.

These are the role models and examples we are putting out there for our children. I am not saying that every generation didn't have their share of vapid, insipid and asinine people but really it wasn't ever this easy for so many girls to grow up thinking they are nothing if they aren't overly tanned, have the most expensive things and marry a man that will give them a house so big they will never in their life see parts of it. And for boys to grow up thinking they have to have the perfect body, don't need to work and girls will like you for being hot and brainless. Oh and everybody can sing and has talent and should be on television and their lives are worthless if they don't. Look nobody wants to work and everyone wants to be the popular kid and be noticed and liked. But we don't all have to be on TV. It is really demeaning to those who actually have talent and have worked hard for their craft to have some no neck from Jersey take a time slot. Or some whore cry because she lost the label on her hair product (thanks The Soup for that one I would have never seen that without you.) and watch quality shows like "Pushing Daisey's" or "Doll House" get canned. That is all I have to say about that.

And another thing Big Ten Network please stop showing collegiate wrestling I need to get things done today.

My scary story.

2010-02-05T18:09:00.003-05:00

I hate being sick really more than anything. The other morning I had probably the most frightening moment of my life. I was in the middle of a dream and in the dream I couldn't breathe. I then realized it wasn't the dream, I in fact wasn't breathing. I always thought is was just over dramatization when people on TV shot up in bed but I actually did. I woke not being able to get air down my throat. My heart was beating super fast and what seemed like minutes I was trying to gasp for air. It felt like someone stepping on my wind pipe. That was about 6ish and I didn't go back to sleep. I have been sick this entire week and last night my fever really peaked. I was under several blankets and was still shivering. I was afraid to sleep but at the same time I knew I needed to. I awoke this morning in the same position I fell asleep in which is never a good sign since I toss and turn so much in my sleep. Anyway, all of this is bad but really what scared me the most is that I was in bed in a house by myself. The roommates had left for the weekend on Thursday and I was convinced I was going to die in this house and their cats were going to eat my face. I already have that fear because well they are cats.

It's not so much they dieing alone thing because really unless I was taking people out with me we all die alone. It's just that I don't want to die when someone could call 911 and save me. That just seems unnecessary. The upshot is I am not dead... yet.

Hack Hack Hack

2010-02-02T11:18:00.002-05:00

Dear whatever the f*#k is going on in my sinuses,

Seriously I had this cold like 2 weeks ago. Why do you feel the need to come back? I personally love the snot collecting in the back of my throat that I can neither cough up nor expunge while blowing my nose. I also enjoy the addition of the acid reflux that just makes me want to vomit every 5 minutes. You really know how to make a boy feel good all over.

I look past some of that but you make it so I can't sleep. Even though I am thoroughly exhausted. I toss and turn. I wake up periodically not because I have coughed up a lung and not because my nasal passage has become blocked once again, but because I can wake up and I do so just to piss me off.

If you are going to make me feel this way at least have the courtesy of letting me loose a few pounds in the process. However I feel like that isn't going to happen. In fact I feel I am probably going to come out of this heavier than when I went into it. To that I say f*#k off.

Thank you

I ask you, why?

2010-02-01T09:23:00.003-05:00

Have you ever had days where all you want to do is vomit?

That is how my day has been going. I woke at about 5:30 this morning and was in and out of sleeping until my alarm went off. The thought of actually food just makes it worse. Just typing that made it worse. I was on the phone with someone who used to work full time here. He still sorta works for this place but really in an advisory role. He asked if this job has made me bitter yet. I just chuckled and said that I was bitter before getting to this job and then he asked if they had made me cynical again I responded by saying I have been cynical since the age of 6.

I think I go into most jobs these days with a lot of cynicism. I think rightfully so, because really I have yet to find a job that has been completely fulfilling. I mean it is always something and even on interviews. I always walk away with a little trepidation, like do I really want to work here for these people. But the answer is always yes it's a job I will take it and look for something else. If it were only that simple. I would like to think that the universe is doing me a solid by not getting the job. But I can't help thinking that it is just mocking me by sending such lame ass jobs my way.

It's not just jobs, I decided this weekend that I would like to date. That isn't true I have been wanting to date for a very long time. I just took a long hard look around what Indianapolis has to offer. Though I knew going into it that there really was nothing. It was painfully clear this weekend. Actually it was just painful. I just either decide to give up or leave. It really has come to this. It's not like the jobs are abundant here and the dating pool is very shallow in more ways than one. So really the question is why stay. I really am hard pressed to find reasons why. Yes my friends are here and... . That is just it, I have come up short on anything else and as much as I love my friends I can't justify staying here for just that. The problem is I don't know if it will be better elsewhere. With nothing solid waiting for me somewhere else I feel I am stuck here.

Ok this is just depressing me more.

Friday, with a short review.

2010-01-29T08:54:00.003-05:00

In the news today... I swear I should just stop trying to be informed because I find the more I read the less informed I become. Really my problem is that I always look at the headlines Yahoo provides and that should be my first clue to move to another site. But you know how it is, you have a routine in the mornings and mine involves checking my mail and since mine is a yahoo account I get the yahoo news on my opening page. And sometimes it's the titles alone that make me roll my eyes and want to go back to bed. I probably shouldn't say this next thing because really it will just feed into the problem as is but here I go. The top news story on my list was not anything about the State of the Union, nothing about Howard Zinn dieing or J.D. Salinger or even Zelda Rubenstein going toward the light. But it was "John Voight weighs in on the Brangelina break up 'nonsense'".

Really!?

That is all I am going to say about that.

I do want to say so sad about J.D. Salinger. Of course I really thought he was dead already. But you know still sad. One of my favorite books is "The Catcher in the Rye". I never had to read it in high school it was never on any of our required reading lists but I got a copy in college and loved it. Talk about angsty teenager, Holden Caulfield was it. It's funny to think it has become cliche, with how much J.D. Salinger himself shunned the spotlight and popularity and his most famous character seemed to scoff at such "success" as well. I think all males should go through that kind of brooding stage in their lives, I think most of us did. Some were better at hiding it but I really think deep down we all were a little bit like Holden, wanting to be done with adolescence and the hoops we were made to jump through. At the same time not wanting to be thought of as adult or even worse being an adult. Caulfield embodies so well that one point in our lives that for a brief moment we escape the bonds of childhood but before we are put into the confines of adulthood. It's like when a prisoner is taken from one cell before being put into another. For a moment you get to stand up, stretch, see the sky and take a full breathe of fresh air before being shoved back into a box. "The Catcher in the Rye" is one of the only books where I am pleased and happy to not know what happens next. I feel I would be just like Holden disappointed with the future of this character. I don't remember exactly but he ends the book by saying he was asked what he plans to do next year at school and he says how does anyone know what they are going to do til they do it, that is a stupid question. And man is it ever.

It's only 9:30am

2010-01-28T08:54:00.002-05:00

So I come into work (temp job) and find I have no emails and no phone calls to return. The crazy woman that works in the office across from my cube keeps walking back and forth for no apparent reason. I really have nothing to do the scanner and the copiers aren't working or at least what I need them to do they are not working. So here I sit collecting a paycheck and counting how many times this woman power walks passed my cubicle. I open my yahoo account and find not much there and nothing to really respond to. So I check (there she goes again) the news feeds to see if anything interesting has happened. First article is about the state of the union. I click on it and yahoo news tells me that the story has expired. I click on a few more articles all of them give me the same excuse. I check the time stamp on these stories and they are only like an hour old. I think this is odd and now I am just clicking on random articles to see which if any actually work. The only one I got to open to a "story" is about brangelina breaking up...??? (I had to go back and get the spelling correct)

Really. Now I am convinced we are in the end times. The second coming of Jebus. And thank god I don't know if I could take any more of brangelina stories or anything like that. (She just made another pass by the cubicle) I did just realize that you may have thought I was referring to the world coming to an end because of the break up. Let me be clear that is not it. I actually am begging for the world to end if the most pressing news event is a break up of celebrities. Though any more that is all we get most of the time. Which brings me to a suedo news story. This actually is sorta. I hate when I flip through the channels and "news" people are yell at me. Example Nancy Grace, my god that woman could make paint peel with her voice. And don't get me started on the hair. I thought only drag queens needed that much help with a wig. Anyway, apparently she had a guest on her show whose child had been missing. Nancy badgered her and basically accused her of doing something to her kid and that is why the child was missing. I don't know all the facts of the case. Maybe the woman did off her kid but what I do know is I am not shocked that hairzilla could have yelled and belittled her guest enough to have the woman in questions off herself, I mean pass herself away. So now NG is being sued for wrongful death and her deposition is being videotaped. Ms. Grace does not want her testimony taped. I love the irony of it all. (seriously stop doing that woman sit down in your office and stay there for more than 10 minutes) So yes I love when loud mouth people get their cumuppins (is that a real word?).

So yes sad news that I can't get any real news and even sadder that this post only took up 20 minutes of my day. But the up shot is I just got paid to do this post. Woo Hoo!!

How to ruin a happy moment.

2010-01-27T09:27:00.003-05:00

So the question is, what is considered a good sales pitch? I walked through the mall yesterday because it was cold outside and I needed to get lunch because I walked out the door yesterday morning without my lunch. I should have just gone with out. I had thought of doing that except I really hadn't eaten anything that day and really needed to. I was excited because years ago when I worked downtown I would always say we needed a Panera in the downtown area. And what did they just open? Yes, a Panera I was so excited. Of course one meal or more accurately one sandwich from them is more calories then I need in a day but it is so good. Anyway I knew that I could stay indoors most of the way there and back which always makes me happy. I get down there and get my food and start heading back. So far so good.

Alas I was stopped.

Now I never buy anything from those kiosks in the middle of the mall. I always think of it like buying something at a county fair. At 8 years old you totally think you need it until the next day when you find that it broke a little to easily. Now I know the products from the mall kiosks are probably better quality then the wares of a carny but really these businesses last about as long as a street fair and they pack up just as quickly at the end of the night. With that said I doubt I would be swayed to buy something from one even if their approach was better. I was walking along with my bag of bready goodness when one of the mall carnies stops me. Actually he saw me coming and stepped into my path and spoke. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I am in a hurry sorry don't have time."

"Can I ask what you use to shave, cause I have something that can help you with that." This was said with a scowl that suggested that I, the elephant man, had done terrible things to my face. It was the "with that" part of it that was said with the most disdain.

At this point I decide to make eye contact. "I really don't have time, and I have a mother to make me feel bad." And then bolted. I mean really even if it where true and it probably was that is no way to make a sale. What did he think I would do? Stop and say "God yes I am hideous, please please please make me look better with your $40 miracle cream." I can't imagine that would make anyone want to buy whatever he was selling. And here is the funny part of the story, he really needed a shave.

I don't know.

2010-01-26T09:54:00.003-05:00

In this time of flux I have been asked several times, "What do you think you want to do?", "What kind of job are you looking for?" The quick and most honest answer is "I do not know." But the most honest answer is met with some odd looks. After your first semester in college it is often looked down upon to have that kind of answer when it comes to career choices or goals. You are an adult you really should know what you want to do. Yes, ideally I should know what I want in life. But what if what I want isn't a possibility anymore? What then? Is it ok then to have no clue? I don't know if it is ok but it is the truth. Anyway isn't honesty the best policy? There are lots of things I can and will do, but are they what I want? I have had more than one person tell me that they started at a temp job and they are on their 8th year with that company. I don't want to say that isn't a possibility but really I am tired of things just happening to me. My job at the theatre just happened and my job with Special K just happened. And look how well that turned out.

I would say yes I will make something happen but what. Yes, I do have ideas of what I would like to do. Are they practical, I am not sure. I don't think I could honestly make a living doing them. There is a difference between not caring about making a lot of money and choosing to be poor. I do know I do not want a job that is going to eat up all my time. Doing my job and a bulk of Special K's job was way too much. There has to be a happy medium.

So where does all this leave me? Hell if I know.

Are there things I enjoy doing? Yes. Here is the problem what I want to do or better yet like to do, society doesn't place a high priority on it therefore it doesn't get much financial support and so there are not that many opportunities for it. The other thing is that some of these things are already saturated in the community and do not need one more person trying to make their mark. Maybe I have too much humility in this area that I don't believe I could do these things better and make those doing it badly or sub par obsolete. But I know what I say about those people with that mindset I don't want to be another casualty of other peoples judgement. I don't actually know I am smarter or better than anyone else. When it comes to this I find myself in a catch 22 situation. I see nonprofit musical groups that are poorly run and many times that can be circumstance but many times it's the people running them are just not very good at what they are doing. But here is the catch, I know they are doing poorly, others know they are doing poorly but they think they are rockin' it hard. I just don't want to be one of those people who think they are doing a great job and in reality are sucking the big one.

I understand having confidence in yourself and everyone else be damned I know what I am doing. That attitude can make you very successful or just look like a complete fool. I feel like a dog that circles before finally laying down. Except I just keep circling.

So you have written a novel.

2010-01-25T12:51:00.002-05:00

I was bored the other day and I figured up that with this blog I have written enough for a short novel. That is kind of sad that if my energies were placed somewhere else look at the amount of work I could have accomplished. Not that I feel I have the talent or creativity to actually write a novel, but still that is a little crazy when you think about it. On the other hand this has probably kept me out of trouble. Which is probably a good thing.

So the weekend was what it was. I saw Avatar again, the nerds hadn't seen it so I went with them. After that I went to Zonies to meet up with friends who had gone to a Bingo fundraiser that was put on by K.I.S.S.. Not the band but the group called (I think I have this right) the Kinky Indiana Submissive's and Slaves. I feel I need to place a pause in here somewhere. I am not sure what this group is about but I am pretty sure I could figure it out. It is probably what I think it is. To that I say, to each their own. That saying has never been truer to me then now. I myself would never what someone to Dominate me nor would I ever want to be with someone who is completely submissive to me. Because as I understand it this behavior sometimes is carried beyond the bedroom and into everyday life. I just can't see it. I don't like being bossed around and as much as I like bossing people around myself I would have no respect for a partner that would a. want that and b. put up with it. Call me old fashioned but I want my spouse to be an equal partner. I guess that wouldn't be old fashioned at all. Old fashioned would have me married to a wife that has given herself over to me completely. And well, I don't want a wife. So yea I don't know what that is all about but I am kind of sad I missed that. but not really.

On Sunday I forewent the watching of the Colts game and went to my friends the lesbians. Now that isn't their name it is just what they are. I hadn't seen them in a long time and they have a little girl and when you don't seen your friends for 5 months not a big deal but when you haven't seen an 18 month old for that amount of time that is a significant part of their life. She is running around talking and playing. It was cool to see her even though I make her cry and not want to sleep. Ok that sounded bad for me. Let me clarify, I didn't make her cry. She just knew that there was another person talking to her moms and she wasn't in the spotlight anymore and therefore cried. She smiled and even laughed when I was there. She just didn't want to sleep. :)

So that was the weekend I am not back at the temp job and still kind of bored. It's a lot of hurry up and wait.

Good times.

Am I really that great???

2010-01-22T09:36:00.002-05:00

I know competency is a rarity, but seriously if one more person fawns all over me at work I am going to punch someone. I have never been good with a compliment so that is part of the challenge. At this temp gig it has been a daily occurrence. I swear these people have never seen someone who just does their job. I know a lot of it is after teaching, a lot of things are cake. I say that and what I mean is I am not used to this much down time. When I was teaching I may have 30 minutes at a time to catch up on paper work or communication during the day. So much of it was pushed to after school and at that point I just wanted to be done with it, so some of it would back up. When I am here I am easily bored. I watched "Office Space" the other night and when Peter meets the Bobs for the first time and he says he spends the first hour of the day just starting at his desk I know what he means. I am not belittling this job I am just saying it is just a different pace. I am used to being "On" for 6-7 hours a day. That left very little down time. I loved days where I did tests. Oh how I loved those days. I would usually do them on a Friday and have every class do one. Those were such slacker day. I could just sit in the quiet room and shush people and collect tests. Loved it!!!

I am sure with this job I will come to slow down and settle in and not be so bored but right now I am.

New Year?

2010-01-20T10:04:00.002-05:00

So with this new year I hesitate to say anything is really new. I mean I still write 09 as the year and the scribble it out and put 10. That's not really new I always need about 2 months to get on board with that. I don't need the year to be new to look at myself and say "I wish I could drop a few pounds." Because really I do it most everyday. It's not like we get a new year smell like we do with cars.

But wouldn't it be weird if we did?

So I am focusing on something old, we call her Blanche.
Just kidding.

Really I just need to keep record of were I am, yes weight has been an issue for me. Not that I ever want to be as thin as I once was because really that was just unhealthy. At the same time I am not happy with my size now. 140 at my lowest and thinnest and 240ish at my heaviest. I am a stress eater. It's a vicious cycle one I just need to break. I stopped weighing myself around May and I know I went way up probably more than I thought. The upside to being homeless and staying with friends I don't have the money to eat out and that is going to change your eating habit. Also J & D eat a lot better than I do. Well D does, J just has to hide the snack foods. So with that I know my caloric intake has been much lower since October. It's one thing to eat a large pizza when you are the only one watching but when there are spectators you feel the shame more.

So back to time line at Christmas I started weighing myself again and I was at 238lbs. At the start of January I was at 235. I am today at 229. I am not even going to set a goal. I am just going to ride this and see where it takes me. I do miss biking and that will help when I can get back to that. But in the mean time I am just going to continue the habit and see what happens. I do miss feeling better in my own skin. I have always felt I was over weight even when I was super skinny but it wasn't a constant like it has been for the last 8 years.

So who wants qdoba?

Things I have learned

2010-01-19T10:12:00.002-05:00

Having been unemployed, I have decided a few things. I don't like being unemployed. I also do not care for a desk job. I am currently temping and am working basically a desk job. Granted I probably would enjoy it more if it were actually my job and there would be some ownership to it. However I really don't like it. Also I know at this point beggars can't be choosers. This whole process has been a study in humility (or maybe it is just humiliation). I say this because really it's a downer all the way around. I really didn't think it would be this difficult to find a full time job. My biggest complaint is that businesses are just not as professional as one would hope. Yes, yes, yes I know, having worked I should know that people are in general spineless wonders who couldn't find their ass with both hands. It is just a huge disappointment in humanity all the way around.

The other thing is one would think being unemployed, essentially homeless and constantly running out of money with no hope for more on the horizon I would be more stressed. I am, don't get me wrong all those things above is enough to call an assisted suicide hot line. However I find that my stress levels are really much lower then they were when I was working against Special K. I saw her in Target this weekend. I just put the stuff I was carrying on the nearest shelf and walked out. I went to another Target and purchased what I had before. I know that may have sounded a bit much for me to have done. But really I just didn't want to deal with her. The last time I saw her was at the end of May and the last thing I said to her was "I have nothing I want to say to you." So even a chance encounter is one I would like to avoid at all cost. Not that I really thought she would engage me, it was just that slim chance she would that initiated the flight response. I haven't spoken to her, seen her or heard from her in almost 8 months. And what a glorious 8 months that has been. I have found that I have more free time in conversations since I don't have her to complain about. So again a bonus. I know I am a notorious complainer, and I must say I have done a relatively good job not bitching about leaving the school. Mostly I just try not to talk about it. Which is actually very easy to do. I just say I was downsized and leave it at that.

So that has been my life in a nut shell... avoidance. :)

Something depressing to ponder.

2010-01-17T13:44:00.003-05:00

Are you familiar with the Drake Equation it is a mathematical formula used to determine the number of worlds in the universe that may have intelligent life. If so imagine if you were use the same principles to calculate the number of people in a given city that you could potentially have as a bf. Well I did. Here is what I came up with.

750,000 people in the city I live in (roughly). Divide that in half since half are female.
375,000 Men in the city. Only 10% are homos.
3,750 Gay men in the city. Now I am looking for a particular age group I figure that it probably covers 20% of the population.
750 it is getting bleak people. And since we live in a red state only about 75% will be out.
563 Ok so I probably also want them to be single. Luckily most gay men are. Probably 60% (I am trying to be optimistic)
338 And I would like them to be college educated one out of four Americans have college degrees.
85 I rounded up. I would like a non smoker. Cut it in half cause the gays like to smoke.
43 again I rounded up. About half would be attracted to me.
22 and I would be attracted to half of those
11 men in this city that could potentially be a boyfriend.

The percentage of men in this city I could have as a Boyfriend is .0016% that is 1 out of 68,181 people, I rounded down.

I only have 374 friends on facebook.

To the fuctard who stole my bike.

2009-08-30T15:15:00.000-04:00

Go to hell!

Dear Life

2009-08-25T15:36:00.002-04:00

Where have you gone and why did you not let me in on the joke. At least you could have let me know I have the plague, a "Kick Me" sign on my back, killed someone, completely repulsive... whatever it is that is going on with my "life".

So until you let me in on it don't bother calling I won't answer.

Belligerent Gay Driver, goes biking.

2009-07-23T16:03:00.003-04:00

I as I bike from the scenic south end of the monon trail to the fun filled Broad Ripple section I make a few observations.

1. The south end of the Monon Trail kind of sucks. Not just kind of I mean really sucks. It's a barren wasteland of really unattractive people. Well when there are people, that would be the one nice thing the solitude. The lack of courtesy on that end is also nice I don't know how many times I said "Hey f*#@ head, just trying to cross the street here, there's also a flashing yellow light to look out for us." "A-hole" I just love when they speed up when they see you looking like you are going to cross the street. Seriously I can hear you rev your engine even with my iPod playing. And to the chode who honked when he was 300 feet away and I had just crossed the street, up yours. I was also unaware that horses were aloud on the trail. But if they are fine but bring a shovel and get the horse crap off the trail. And if that's your dog??!?!?!?! yeeeshh!! is all I have to say to that.

2. Broad Ripple, much nicer, hey look cute guy running, the traffic on the cross streets is heavier but they will stop for you which is nice. But I am still skiddish from the south side. Of course more people on the trail too and that is nice but do miss my "me time". Oooo cute guy on a bike. Where was I ah yes also the breeze is cut down by more trees and that is nice to, hot guy running, as well as I feel like I am biking up a hill less. And on the up side my ass has gone numb so I can go for a lot longer now.

3. Did I mention the hot guys up on the north end of the trail. Anyway back to biking related observations. I finally hit the point where people are passing me less on the trail I was fine with the people who obviously race passing me but people who are much larger and older passing was getting old. I admit that I may not be a fast biker but come on. So you must understand my joy when I finally passed my first bikers. No they were not elderly, what is elderly anyway 70-80?? Well these bikers where definitely not 80. Though much like when you drive I hate the people who decide to go faster when they are being passed. Same with Bikers I hate them too. When I started around them they started pedalling faster. I am like really??? I had to slow down because a couple of bikers were coming at me in the other lane. Once they passed the people I attempted to pass slowed down. I believe I let slip something to the effect of "Seriously, make up your minds you dicks." So I just sped up before they had a chance and passed them. I just hate people... like that.

So Monon trail good for a nice trip just avoid the south end cause it sucks and there are a lot of nice looking men who continuously made me feel fat. So to those men I say f*&# off, unless you find that hot then... call me. :)

Have never been so bored in my life.

2009-07-20T11:54:00.002-04:00

This includes commencements, weddings, SATs, Faculty meetings, Freshman Orientation and Lifetime Fitness. I have gotten the daily job search down to 20 minutes. I then spend about another hour writing new cover letters and sending them off. After that I have nothing to do. Even Facebook is loosing its shine on me. So here I sit bored. I am so bored that I can't even come up with a blog post. Seriously just shoot me.

So funny story

2009-07-03T09:09:00.002-04:00

So years ago when I was working a band camp. There was this girl who was hired to work with us. The group of people that had been working there had known each other for year and I have to say was a pretty damned smart group of people. Well anyway this girl who had come from a pretty competitive high school in the area and at age 20 thought she knew it all. Fine whatever we all think that when we are 20. Some don't grow out of it till they are in their 40's some never. She was taking young enthusiasm to a whole new level. I understand wanting to get the most out of ones experiences, especially after high school. But come on you aren't going to get to run rehearse after only a few weeks with an established group. I mean seriously I had been with the band for 3 summers and the other staff I had known for years as did the band director. And if you know anything about me and my friends we can be a tough shell to crack. We have lots of inside jokes and we know how we work together. Now it is not impossible because we had added the other staff in pretty well. Except this young women, Not really through any fault of ours. She was more interested in telling us what we were doing wrong and making up stories about us. The best was at band camp when she told me and another staffer that she was going up to put on some sunscreen and she left the camp. This was on a Wednesday and we were there till Saturday. She slipped a "note" under the directors door packed her car and left. The note said she wasn't going to talk about the staff and then proceeded for 3 pages to trash us. I laughed at it. The kids didn't like her she really didn't know what she was doing and really it wasn't a loss. Then after the camp she called to complain that she didn't get paid for the full week of camp.

She was fun times. Any time you wouldn't let her do something from the get go without knowing how she did it she would pout and be childish and she would openly tell you what you were doing wrong. Even though she really didn't know how to do it right. Anyway she was in general a pain in the ass. And now she has my old job and will have a fun time with Special K. Those two will just hate one another. If Special K thought I was opinionated I at least had the skills to back it up. And this girl will just hate how Kathy runs things and will let her know. If she is still how she was with students then the kids will hate her too and the program will suffer. I feel especially bad for my Orchestra kids.

Oh Karma how you do like to come back and bite people in the ass.

Keeping busy

2009-06-25T10:11:00.003-04:00

So school is done and I am freaking bored out of my mind. A few things are good for being unemployed and nothing to actually do. I have fixed my desk top computer. About 3 years ago I got bombarded by viruses on my desk top. It may or may not have had something to do with internet porn but that is not what is important. After that happened I just bought my laptop I have been very pleased with it and would never go back to using a desk top. However I would like to use it for music storage. My goal since getting the LT was to get the other up and running and use it for just that. It has been 3 years and a lofty goal considering I don't know much about computers. I did successfully get everything I wanted off the computer and on to this one. So yesterday I wiped it out and started fresh by reinstalling everything. The thing is the old computer I got back in 2002 so reinstalling puts me back on 2002 stuff requiring lots of updates. Which is what I am doing today. After that I will be ripping as many cds as I can to it. I am thinking I will also be selling off most of those cds. I don't need them I will have all the music I wanted and it will free up precious space in my apartment. Plus having more money wouldn't hurt either.

Speaking of that the job search is not going that well and I am beginning to hit panic mode. I am thinking of getting a part time now to pack rat more money. That is the one good thing of staying at home every day is that I am not really spending any extra money by staying in lol.

I am really at a loss as to what to do with myself. It's been a long time since I have had almost nothing to do. After school let out I had the pride parade to keep me occupied. Which by the by went great I couldn't have been happier. Everything went very smooth and only minor things happened but all in all I am very pleased. It struck me that I never put things like that on my resume. So I have added it I mean really I ran a freakin parade and not a small one either it was pretty substantial. I have marched bands in smaller parades than this one. But anyway. Yes I am bored. I have done dishes everyday I have clean the bathroom twice now. I have started 3 new knitting projects and finished 2 old ones that had just been sitting there. I am now blogging again so that is a sign of insanity.

*sigh*

Ugh I need a job or a sugar daddy.

Playing hookey

2009-05-15T14:40:00.002-04:00

I haven't done this in a long time but I looked at what I had to do today and said f*ck it. Today was a half day and then some nonsense of a "field day" and a school wide tricycle race. When I saw the inflatable bouncy castle and all the "toys" they put out on the football field. I just said to myself "They can't afford me but they can throw money away on this crap?" Yea that is when I said screw it I am going home. And thus I am at home not watching a stupid tricycle race. Have a good weekend everyone.

Ok maybe I have a problem...

2009-05-10T12:33:00.002-04:00

Yes I am aware that I love my shoes and have a few. Ok I have a lot. I really don't keep count for fear of realizing I have a problem.When I moved into this apartment a little under a year ago I purged my shoes of about 8 pairs. They were mostly pairs I didn't wear or were falling apart. Over this last year I have only purchased I would say 3 pairs of new shoes. Of course this could be a low estimate because really each outing for shoes have just blurred together over the years. After moving to this very small apartment I have become very aware of how much I have. After living in large places with many rooms the prior 4 years, it just collects without really noticing. This last year has been one of purge and simplification. Yesterday one of my oldest and best friends came into town and stayed at my place. I decided that I needed to do some cleaning. In doing so I threw out quite a bit of stuff I just didn't need or have space for. The fact that my place is small it didn't take that long to do the clearing. Through all this I did consolidate my shoes. I pitched 8 pairs. I went back and for fun counted. 28. Yes 28 pairs of shoes Which means at some point I had well over 40 pair. I also would like to get my clothing down to at most 3 loads of laundry. I am not sure this is all possible but It's what I need.

Yes I am a Shoaholic and I am seeking help. No more shoes till I can part with a few more. Yea we'll see how that goes.

To Special K

2009-05-08T14:56:00.002-04:00

I have taken the fact that I am now looking for a full time job is somehow an inconvenience to you. And that somehow this is more about you than me. I can look past that but today, yet again you just leave the classroom while you still have students, and that is just plain stupid. Thank you for just kicking me while I am down. Actually the more I think about it I should thank you. You are making it easier for me to just wash my hands of you, walk away and not care. The fact that this school would choose to keep such a lazy, self involved, raging incompetent over me just makes me warm inside. I usually get that feeling before vomiting. All I have to say is good luck with anyone of the following tasks that I have done and you have not. Library inventory, Locker inventory, Instrument checkout and return, Any number of storage issues, keeping the band room clean, making sure someone is around at the end of the day so the kids can get their instruments and practice, knowing every students name, keeping a budget, making a budget, staying ahead of the game, not making excuses for the kids... really I could go on. If it wasn't for the fact that all of this effects students I would get some giddy pleasure out of watching you drown next fall. Though the sad truth is that you will just fall into the old ways of leaving when you want and leaving the band room open so anyone can come in and steal. But of course you won't know that because you won't stay up on the inventory nor will you make the kids check out the instruments. But that's fine too because then you will just buy buy buy whatever and go way over budget again and maybe you will go back to spend band money on personal things. Here is hoping the school doesn't find out because they could fire you for that.

Ah well I know I am better off leaving. I just find it very unfair that that bitch gets whatever she wants and they all think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Screw her hopefully she will grow from the experience or get fired.

Open letter from Belligerent Gay Driver

2009-05-05T17:20:00.002-04:00

Dear f*%#wad,

I understand that at 7am not many people are leaving the parking lot of my apartment building but there is no need to pull into said parking lot and block cars in. Especially if you are going to take your sweet ass time. Actually it wasn't 7 am it was more like 6:50 and you didn't come back out to move your car until 7:07 but who knows how long you had been there. It also wouldn't have been so bad if the lot had been full but it wasn't or the street 20 feet away had more than the required 1 spot you would have needed for your car.

To all of that I say suck a big donkey dick.

Also when you do finally emerge from whatever the hell you were doing, don't stand around saying you are sorry. If you were sorry you would just move your damned car. Or better yet just don't f@#$ing park your god damned car there. Move it fuctard.

Truly
Belligerent Gay Driver

Conflicted and yet not.

2009-05-01T09:35:00.002-04:00

As mine time at this school comes to a close I am conflicted on my feelings about leaving. On the one hand It would be nice to get into a job that I can leave at work. So much of my life these past 5 years has been consumed by this school. I go home and work after working at school. It will be nice to actually leave work and go do something else. No grading, no lesson plans, no score study, no planning for the net concert, rehearsal or whatever the f*ck I come up with. No stressing over Special K's incompetence and her unwillingness to change. Let's face it there are quite a few things I will not miss. Faculty meetings for one, useless assemblies, stupid teachers, a band room that floods and has no climate control. Yea maybe my health will improve. I haven't written a lick of music in 5 years because so much of my time has been devoted to this and when I don't have this I am exhausted.

But...

It's really the kids I will miss. I really do love them for the most part. I enjoy that they do drive me crazy at times. I will miss being the smartest one in the room. lol I will miss seeing them every day and watching them progress and grow and become adults. I will miss seeing their big accomplishments. I know they are not my kids but they may be as close as I get And I will miss them.

downsized... ?funny my pants don't fit any better.

2009-04-28T17:04:00.002-04:00

Well it was what I thought. I figured actually that they would just combine a few of my classes and reduce me to part time. But what made it worse was not that they were reducing my classes so much as they were shifting them over to Special K so she could remain full time. You see my classes were just fine. I had enough students in mine to allow me to stay but she didn't she had two of her classes completely empty for the next year. Tell me what is wrong with all of this. I do my job, I get kids into my classes and where does it get me. by eliminating those 3 classes all they did was reduce my work load by 10% I would still be running 2 ensembles and assisting with another. That is the bulk of my job as it is. Of course we can eliminate 10% of the work load and 40% of the pay. Yes normally I would say just get a part time job and weather the storm but really I would be killing myself to do so. The hectic schedule would only be worse by trying to work another job. So at this point I am looking to just find something new at a much higher salary.

We shall see.

2009-04-27T10:52:00.002-04:00

So I received a very ominous email from my principal wanting to see me sometime today to discuss my teaching "Schedule" for next year. Honestly the only thing I can think of is that he wants to ship me back to part time and eliminate several of my classes. With that in mind I will have to find something new because I can not afford to go back to that salary.

Yes I would like to find something new but I don't want to have to.

If anyone knows of anything let me know.

Can you say big waste of time?

2009-04-23T14:55:00.002-04:00

So yesterdays "Professional Development" was ...interesting. One could also say big fucking waste of time. Indeed my colleague sitting next to me did. Most if not all of our professional development to date have been classes on how to use the grading software, Excel, different ways of assessing students, so on and so forth. Anyway this one was based on a book that each teacher was given back in December. It was a book I had no intention of reading. About 2 months ago we were told that we would be having a PD day over the book and that we should all read it. I love to read but when I am made to read something I have no interest in I usually don't and I didn't. The speaker was a priest who came in and lectured for 2.5 hours on the importance of forgiveness. Here's the thing, this isn't news people, anyone with half a brain knows that the act of forgiving someone is not for them as much as it's for you so that you can deal with whatever is bothering you. In the case of the main character in the book "God", who was portrayed as an old black women, said that if this man didn't seek to forgive the man that brutally killed his young daughter that it would eat at him till it killed him. The priest went on and on about the importance of forgiving, blahty,blahty,blah. Well as S said last night "Really I figured you would enjoy having a priest tell you what to do." Yea... no. So here is my real question how was that either Professional or Development. It wasn't even brought into a relationship of teaching. It was just a lecture on forgiveness. Well here's the thing I don't do forgiveness, I carry a grudge. I'm sorry that is just how I am.

Spotlight 09

2009-04-22T21:47:00.002-04:00

So I have made some new friends over the past few months. They, like me enjoy the nerdy things in life as well as enjoy being social but also know the importance of staying home. Anyway J had a ticket to Spotlight which is a fundraiser for Indiana AIDS Fund. Basically arts organizations in Indy get together and do a variety show. It very cool a kind of taste of the Arts kind of thing. Plus the ticket was free and there was an open bar so you know I was there. The evening was great the performances were stellar. What wasn't stellar was the child who sat in front of me playing his Nintendo DS. His parents were sitting right there letting him. I mean my mother and father would have never let me bring it let alone play it. Don't bring your child if you are going to let him do that. It is completely ridiculous that you would ever allow it. Am I wrong on this?

What I want to be when I grow up. ?

2009-04-14T09:43:00.002-04:00

I really don't know anymore. I have been giving this a lot of thought lately because of the fact I love my job but hate particular aspects of it. Special K being one of them., the lack of money and the incredible amount of time it eats up. Granted my summers are free and clear but I would much rather have my time spread a bit more evenly. I always feel I am playing catch up and am always letting some aspect of my life slide. I have yet been able to keep a steady workout schedule outside of summer. My personal life has been mia for the last 6 years. I barely have time for my friends let alone new people or sometimes myself. It's very frustrating.

So with all that in mind I have been doing some job searches. Nothing solid and yes I have sent a few resumes out but really I just don't see too much coming my way. The greater question what do I want to do. And the honest answer is I don't know and I don't care. The real criteria would be something different and it pays better. You all know I am not about the money but I can't continue stress about money on a daily basis as I have been for the past 10 years.

So if anyone knows of anything, relocating is completely an option.

Educational Philosophy

2009-04-13T10:37:00.003-04:00

As we all know my brothers can be a bit... how shall I put this... dumb as a sack of hammers. As Xena has asked several times, how is it I am part of this family? Well that question remains strong in my mind. This weekend just continued this thought. As we were talking I brought up that some elementary schools have toyed with or have cut their science programs for K-5. My brother thought this outrageous. I agreed and then he said I would cut band before science. Yes he knows I teach music. I said really we shouldn't cut anything. He followed with "But don't you think there are some completely useless classes?" I said "No but there are some completely useless teachers in all subjects." He then went on "Well, what really is a humanities class and what good is it?" Instead of engaging I rolled my eyes and got up. I did say as I was leaving "I could explain but you wouldn't get it." This banter would have ended until he said "I got through a 4 year degree program without a foreign language." I countered with "I got through a 4 year program with one semester of a science, but I don't think that was right." But whatever.

It did get me to thinking that my view on education is completely different then most peoples. I really feel the best teacher I ever had was my High School Physics teacher. The reason he was the best was because I really feel his goal was not to teach me physics but to be responsible, diligent, the ability to think critically and a laundry list of skill that are not physics. Physics was his vehicle to teach me all these other things. That is how I approach my subject or at least I would like to think I do. Because if they learn something about music bonus but I want them to learn how to get this knowledge themselves and how to be better people.

For me it's not all about the subject. It's about a greater message and to give the students the ability to learn on their own as well as the joy of learning. Which is why I feel all subjects have value and that every class can be bad.

But let's just say I still think my brother is an idiot.

Umm... yea

2009-03-31T12:35:00.002-04:00

So while sitting in the drive thru of my bank I noticed the truck in front of me was sporting an interesting bumper sticker. It said "Save an American Driver, Shoot a Honda Driving Bitch" For those who don't know I drive a Honda and so did the car in front of the truck so I just leaned out my window and said, "Sir, you should leave you are surrounded, run quickly!" Ok I really didn't mostly because the guy might have actually pulled a gun and shot this Honda Driving Bitch.

Homecoming days

2009-03-31T10:05:00.004-04:00

Well I am on Spring break. To balance out last years which I don't remember much of, I am taking it a bit easier. I have decided that like homecoming week I would have theme days. Yesterday was Pajama day. it was the day I could do absolutely nothing and stay in my pj's all day long. Well I did get dressed when Mom called and we went to dinner. But that was like 5pm I had spent the rest of the day on my couch. It was glorious, and did you know there is absolutely nothing on TV during the day? Yea I didn't know that either.

Today has been designated at drinking day. Here in a bit I am going to send a text out to anyone interested that I will be at Olley's drinking until I stop. I will most likely end up at the Metro for Kareoke. So anyone wanting to come and encourage this and by encourage I mean buy me a drink, by all means stop by. Because a drunk Maestro is a fun Maestro.

Tomorrow is Eat Whatever I Want day. I feel this is a good follow up to the Drinking day and Thursday is Get Cultured day. The IMA is free on Thursdays so I think I will pop over there and see what's on the walls.

Now I am open for suggestions on what Friday will be. I have made no plans for that day. Any and all suggestions are welcomed.

Not MySpace

2009-03-22T15:46:00.002-04:00

Well I went ahead and deleted my account on MySpace not because I am getting a facebook account. I am not really hip enough to really dedicate any amount of time to either one. Ah well it was ... interesting while it lasted. It brought up such questions like, I didn't really like this person when I knew them in high school you know 15 years ago why would I accept their friend request now? So now I don't have to worry about such things and really I put no effort and got nothing in return so I just took it down.

My Nerdy Protegees

2009-03-14T10:43:00.004-04:00

I swear I blink and a week has gone by. These last two weeks have just flown by. I am not really sure what I did but I will take it. Maybe it's because daylight savings time has really been kicking my ass. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination but it's worse when you get up at 5:30 to have to get up at what was 4:30. Let's just say I haven't been making it to work in a timely fashion this last week. I am still there before the bell rings but man I am draggin' ass like no other. The up side is that my class couldn't be better. I had a great after school rehearsal Wednesday and yesterday.

The other thing is I brought a video of lectures Leonard Bernstein did at Harvard in '73. I was only going to show the first half of the first DVD in the 6 disc series. But my Independent Studies kids loved it. I mean really loved it. Usually kids will half watch and try to do homework, fidget, sleep, talk or try to text but these guys just sat and watched. I thought I was nerdy but they just loved it and asked if they could watch more. I said sure. Because really this takes care of them for the next 2 weeks. I will have to come up with something for them to do that relates to it but I don't think that will be a problem. I am actually very glad they liked it. I wanted to show it to them but figured they would be bored and not get anything from it. I really like this group of guys they are very into talking about music and I can totally get into that. I have 4 seniors and 1 Junior in the class and 3 of the seniors are going to major in music and the Junior is a really good songwriter and wants to pursue that. Independent Studies use to be a pain because most of the time kids would sign up so they didn't have to do anything, so you would have to struggle to get them working but these guys are great and work all the time.

So I guess I could start the count down but I am afraid that when I do the days are going to start dragging. But I am now 2 weeks out from Spring Break. There I said it let the weekends fly and the class periods slip into epic lengths. I will just say 2 weeks and not do a day and hour count. That will come later when I become more desperate for a break.

Corporate fingerprints

2009-03-10T17:43:00.003-04:00

I was listening to NPR today and they were talking about how YouTube pulled out of a deal that would allow music videos from the UK on the site. They pulled out because the British representatives were asking a "ridiculous"(YouTube's word not mine) amount for the rights. I thought okay well maybe they are but I think professionals should be paid for their work. That was until they stated it was for professionals and for amateurs. Wait these people wanted money for people who themselves would not be paid. Does anyone else see a problem with this? So here is what I read from all this is that if I were to make a music video in the UK and posted it on YouTube someone would be collecting money for every view, however that person wouldn't be me. Yes I believe that those who do the work should be paid for it but come on. I really dislike how we have to make a buck off everything. Libraries are great but some smart person decided that if we put a coffee shop in our huge book store and be okay with people reading our books without paying because they will eventually and we can still make money even though I could go to a library and really not pay anything. The Internet is this wonderful place where people could share information without charge but now everyone is trying to find away to charge for the net. But until they do find a way to charge for every possible thing I will continue to enjoy the free things like this blog.

*Please deposit $2.99 for the next blog entry*

The next step.

2009-03-09T20:35:00.002-04:00

I think I have discovered what I want to do with my life. I feel I should become a life coach. I have to wonder though, how does one become a life coach? I mean what degree does one get that qualifies you to be a life coach. I can understand who would be drawn to it. My niece will make an excellent life coach one day. At age 3 she is very good at pointing out when you do something wrong and will be quick with the "NO, NO, NO That is not how you play. Do it this way!" Telling people how to run their lives and pointing out what they do wrong, sign me up. Basically I am doing it now I just don't get paid as well as I would suspect a Life Coach would get paid. Do they seek out a life coach or does that pushy, bossy girl we all knew from elementary school just bully you into paying for the "advice" they are handing out. I mean I could do that how hard is it. I would like to know up front if I can smack them. Because if I can I may do some pro bono work on the side. Hmm... imagine if you will me, a life coach. I really like this plan.

Why there is a banking crisis.

2009-03-05T17:41:00.003-05:00

This is an actual email I sent to my bank. Note how I refrained from calling them fuctards. Good for me.

My name is Disgruntled Customer I have a checking account with you and you have deactivated my debit card. Even though I went in a week ago to a branch to return the card that was mistakenly sent to my previous address and forwarded to my current address And it wasn't even mine. I am sure the woman for whom that card belongs would actually like it. Much like myself, I would like my new card. I would also like for you to stop defaulting to previous addresses when in your system you have current addresses for me (I had the very nice woman at the branch check for me). While at the branch I also let her know that I have yet to receive my new card. I also expressed a desire for the only card I have not to be deactivated. She said it would be taken care of. It worked just fine this week until today when I went to use it and very embarrassingly so was declined. I would like to point out that this is not the first time such things have occurred but this has become an ongoing problem when it comes to my changing addresses, getting new cards, changing pin numbers and you 6 years ago closing out a savings account without notification and refusing to acknowledge that you did so. I had a savings account with this bank since before Stupid Financial bought it and that savings account never needed a minimum and when Idiot Bank took over they let me keep it like that until you didn't like that, deleted it and then told me I never had such a thing.

Seriously get me a new card or reactivate the old one. This problem is getting old and quite frankly I am over it.

Please fix it soon I would like to buy groceries and since your branches are never open when I am not at work I will have to dig for change in my couch.

Thank you

Maestro

Also it took me 20 minutes to find a way to email you. This really shouldn't be buried like this unless you really don't want people contacting you. Just a thought.

No longer sick...

2009-03-03T17:09:00.003-05:00

Well not Physically...

Right now I am just watching The Gilmore Girls. I really loved this show. I miss that it is not on any more.

So this weekend was interesting. I finally got to see little Parker. She is adorable, even when she was a bit fussy. She has cute red hair and chubby little cheeks. It all makes me want to have one. Alas... I will just barrow my friends babies.

Saturday I spent the evening at Olly's not drinking, because I was on antibiotics and I am suppose to. At least that is what the Dr. said. I tend to believe trained professionals, I am weird like that.

School has been fine nothing exciting or stupid. Well that is not true. Today Special K was there after her classes were done which usually means there is a meeting after school. As I was sitting there working and the end of the school day was approaching and I look up and say "Is there a meeting after school that I forgot?" Special K replied "No, why?" "Well you are here." "No, I am just doing what my contract says and work." Not really sure what to say to that except, about damned time. Though I didn't say that. Seriously this is what I have to sorta work with here.

Fun times.

Still Sick

2009-02-26T08:19:00.003-05:00

I really didn't want to call in today but this was an easy day to do it. Special K and I were taking 20 kids to the symphony. It was a great concert Copland, Bernstein, and Gershwin. How great would that have been I was really looking forward to it. But I didn't sleep much last night the hacking and fever kept me up most of it. I am heading out to the Dr. I am sure they are going to tell me I am dying or some nonsense. So no lesson plans just called in and went back to "bed" for a few hours.

I think when I get back I will just make some soup.

Under the covers shivering

2009-02-25T06:25:00.002-05:00

For the past 4 or so days I have been fighting a cold. I have been taking preemptive meds to stave it off. I sat at dinner last night with FN, Athena and Blanche and I was trying not to fall asleep because I was so exhausted. I assumed it was from the lack of sleep I had not been getting. But last night I went to bed right when I got home about 8:30ish and when my alarm went off I had a headache and I was shivering uncontrollably. Good times. Ok so I was tired for other reasons then lack of sleep. I swear my throat has swollen shut practically and every part of my body hurts, and when I cough it sounds like what I imagine Blanche and Romeo will sound like in a few years.
The worst part is that my alarm is set to the radio and I have Bob & Tom waking me up in the morning. I use that station because I will never want to just lie there and listen to them. I really can't stand them, and here is what makes it the worst I am on the couch and they are playing on my radio in the bedroom and I have no energy to get up and turn them off. I called in and sent my hastily thrown together lesson plans and now I am here typing this up. I started typing this at 6 am and it is now 6:37 am. God I am typing slow.

Very bad

2009-02-23T10:24:00.003-05:00

And now a story of shopping for food.

Once upon a time, circa 5 days ago, I was walking into the local grocers. A Ma and pop store, that has a hundred location in the city and surrounding area. A quaint store run by pleasant people who would rather break your leg than deal with your concerns about the freshness of the orange peppers. Upon entering said store I find myself in the fresh produce area. I love peppers and when I see them on sale I think I should by them except when they are on sale and a bit soft to the touch. I turn to find a young man refilling the banana cart and I ask"How fresh are these peppers?" "What do you mean?" "Well how long have they been sitting here?" "I don't know?"

Hmm he was pleasant, I forgo the peppers in search of fresher things. When I hear yammering from around the corner. "Key lime, is that the stuff with the key lime? I am sure it is the key lime. You wanted the key lime? because I am sure this is the stuff with the key lime. Or maybe this has the key lime, it's the key lime you are looking for right?" I didn't actually count how many times this short older lady with the twice weekly washed and set bullet proof helmet hair said the words Key Lime. But it did feel like a lot. Though on the upside that was good customer service, or at least I think it was someone who worked there.

I round the corner and down to the bread aisle. Now I have been down this aisle several times and this was the first time I had noticed the "light" wheat bread. Since I have started counting calories I have noticed that the wheat bread I had been buying had 60 calories per slice, which really wasn't that bad. "Keylimekeylimekeylimekeylime"

Sorry blacked out for a moment. So the "light" wheat bread advertised 1/3 the calories. I was like hot damn so I pick it up and turn it over to notice "Keylimekeylime..." it actually contained 70 calories. Now I am not good with math problems but I am pretty sure the regular wheat bread kicks the ass of the "light" wheat bread. I could be wrong on this. So I look at the regular again to make sure I was seeing things and that is when I noticed it looking at me as if to say "You think I am fat. Everyone does but really I am just wearing an ill fitting bread bag." "Everyone thinks the light bread is so thin but really he is just wear vertical stripes."
I reply "I don't think you are fat indeed I see through the smoke screen of that false idol "light" wheat bread and choose you." We are both happy "Keylimekeylimekeylime."

I move on with my shopping till I see an old friend at the end of an aisle. "Pringles can!! how are you?" I am well" He sighs. "Whats the matter?" I ask. "I feel abandoned by you." "Well, Pringles can I hate to say it you were very bad for me I had to start seeing other foods, ones that were not so bad for me." "I know I just didn't think it would be forever. I know I was bad but it was only because I was with the bag of Doritos and the french onion dip and those other salty treats." That is true you all made a formidable front in my abdominal region." "Maybe if you just bought me it wouldn't be so bad. I can be friends with the fruits and vegetables. and all that other healthy crap in your cart. Seriously is that broccoli?" "Well maybe this one time as a treat." "That's it buy me! Yea!!!"

I put the can in my cart and move on. "Yogurt? Why the hell are you buying that?" "I like yogurt and its not that bad." "Whatever,...loser." I am sorry I didn't quite catch what you just said." "Nothing, hey is that the chip aisle? We could just go that way for a bit. Or there is the cookie dough."
"Look pringles can I said I would get you but not the others I have to be good." "Yea like that is going to happen." "What did you say?" " I said your hair looks nice." "Thanks I just got it cut."

So down the cereal and packaged food aisle we went. Pringles can and I reminisced. So we were in the frozen food and I found that Pringles can just wanted to go and talk with the ice cream. "Come on you know you want it fatty." "I'm sorry did you just call me "fatty"?" "Look we both know, you are not going to stick with this and you will be back to buying me and all my friends so why not just let it all go and eat what you want now." I open the freezer door and close it again leaving the pringles can behind the almost sound proof glass. I felt so good about my decision that I punch the keylime lady on my way out. Ok I didn't punch her but I would have if she had been around and I knew I would get away with it.

The end.

I wonder if the can is still in the freezer?

Funny story

2009-02-22T17:14:00.002-05:00

So yesterday was State Solo and Ensemble and I had several students participate. For the most part they did well.

The funny story comes, so to speak, as I was leaving. I stopped in the men's room before heading out. I step up to the urinal and hear some rustling I don't think anything about it because I figure it's just someone in the stall. As I turn to leave I see the stall and the four feet in it. yep the stall had two people and that is probably why they got very quiet when I came in. As I was washing my hands and leaving all I could think was "good for you".

Oh What a week

2009-02-18T20:19:00.005-05:00

So I must be a dick. I have, over the last week given out 9 detentions. Most of these have been given to students who mouth off to me. Example, Today I asked a student who was doing his homework for another class, in my class to bring the book up to me. He didn't and I asked again and he said he did see why he had to? I said because I said to. Then he brought it up and threw it on the floor in front of me. After class I called him down to let him know he had a detention not for doing homework in my class but for being rude and throwing a book. Then he really started mouthing off. He asked "Why do you ask for mine when you don't do shit about others." Ok seriously what is his problem. So I say fine lets make that a total of 3 detentions which on a Wednesday means Saturday school. These children need to learn to just shut the fuck up. Honestly I probably would have just given him a warning and given the book back if he had just done what I asked to start. Why do these kids feel like they need to challenge me. Of course it doesn't help when Special K just let's everything go because she doesn't want to deal with any discipline issues. I seriously don't have this problem with any other class, just band.

I love this job. Is it June yet?

Public Service Announcement

2009-02-13T10:31:00.004-05:00

Good afternoon gentle readers.

It's that time of year where I feel it is my duty to do a little public out reach. It's like community service, except it's not court mandated. For those who are not aware every year there is a holiday that many people celebrate. Some even look forward to it. I am, of course referring to Singles Awareness Day. It comes but once a year and unlike other holidays you don't have to think of anyone else. You don't even have to make declarations of what you may be thankful for because chances are you are not thankful for much of anything. S.A.D. is a great day to just give the one digit salute to all those "happy" couples out there. Who are not happy because if they were some people who are attracted to the wedding band would never have dates, and they too would only come once a year.

But I digress, this year I would like to focus on some of the grand few of you who have graced my boudoir (I so can't believe I spelled that right on the first try) and brought me to this fine holiday.

First and foremost I would like to give a shout out to all the fuctards who couldn't even make the commitment of showing up for the one and only date that we scheduled. I hate to say that these are the extras in my love life, such as it is, and they are a cast of thousands. Though I barely knew you, I hate you.

Moving on. To those I truly hit it off with, you are cute, funny, smart and we have lots in common and plenty to talk about. I love those things about you, and your current boyfriend. Need I say more?

Next to those of you who are smart, funny, talented and live in a different time zone.

Well that just wiped out 97.5% of my past. Moving on to those who really matter.

...

Now that I have hit those who matter let's go to everyone else. To the Jackass who laughed in my face when I said "We have been hanging out a lot this last month and I have been having a great time. I would like to try this as more than friends." Your response "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... No" Then two weeks later when you were jealous of a friend of mine and you said you wanted to date and I said no. Who's laughing now jackass, who's laughing now? Make no mistake I am laughing so hard I am crying. Those are tears of joy and mirth my friend, not because my meds ran out last night.

To the "Happy f*#$ing birthday to me guy". We had a good month together. When on our first "date" you asked me to stay the night. Then a month later, the night before my birthday I see you out at a bar with a guy. You avoid me all night until I text and ask who was with you. You respond "It's my bf" I respond with 5 jack and cokes and "That is great, delete my number." I particularly enjoy the emails and phone calls saying that you thought we were just friends and that those weren't dates. I would still like to state for the record I do not give blow jobs to my friends especially if I had a bf. , anyone else???? That is what I thought.

To the one who lives and Chicago now and ... actually we are still very good friends and we get along great. I still think he is a good guy and miss that he doesn't live closer. So kudos to him for being a bright spot.

Moving on this is a bitter rant I can't spend time on niceties. To those under 25 and over 52 that I seem to attract I say "Your nice and all but not really what I am looking for, but thanks."

To the crazy stalker that kept IMing me online with this fun conversational style. "I hate you never contact me again." "So are you just ignoring me now?" "I said don't talk to me again." "That is so childish of you to ignore me like this, I just want to talk." Fine be a bitch I hate you just don't IM me again" "Fine I guess you don't want to talk." That of course was just one person talking I was not sending replies I was to busy reading the instructions on how to permanently block someone on that site.

And this boys and girls is why I am happy to be celebrating S.A.D. and not that other holiday that occurs around the same time.

Happy S.A.D. everyone.

Positive notes

2009-02-12T17:20:00.002-05:00

I know sometimes I can complain about my students and today I could really go off on a long rant but instead I would like to say a big thank you to those students who show up on time. Those who always have their music, are quiet in class and do their homework and are in general great students. Thank you thank you thank you.

On another good thing. 6 weeks and I am down 10 lbs. Yea!!!!!

Is is just me?

2009-02-11T17:02:00.004-05:00

Now I am not one to have problems with simple instructions. I have no problems with milk cartons or cereal boxes. I have even master CD cases with that damned strip of tape that never comes off in one piece. Can openers were a bit touch and go for a while but after the age of 8 I seem to not have problems. I even somehow got past childproof caps at the ripe old age of 4.

Yet...

Yet, I seem to be baffled by the instruction on the side of many packaged dinners that says "push with thumb and lift". Every time I think I can do this. I put my thumb on the perforated edge, push and crush the box. Did I manage to open the box? No. I just smash the corner of the box. Most of the time I just rip the top off, I find this to be pretty effective. I have just always wondered why give that option? I mean, for me, it has never worked. The way I see it peeling back the lid and dumping the contents where ever you may need it seems to work just fine. Anyone else have this problem? Am I alone on this one?

Anyone...?

Yea that's what I thought.

The things from college I miss.

2009-02-10T10:39:00.003-05:00

Today I was looking over the list of music for All-State band. The one that jumped out at me was "Fantasies on a Theme by Haydn" by Norman Dello Joio. I heart this piece in a big way, it was part of the best year I ever had musically at my University. Not to say the other years were bad but looking back we played so much great music in that one year. To look at the concert listing it was like the list of Band classics.

My other years were great but for several different reasons. It was my freshman year and I couldn't think of a better time to just get sucked into really great music.

The sad thing is that I haven't had that level of emersion since then. I teach music yes but I am not surrounding myself with what I would call the best the music world has to offer. I recently have just been craving the ability to sit in the middle of music. I miss being in an ensemble. Listening is one thing but to be there in the middle of it all, I can't think of anything better. When you hit that moment when all the parts come together in perfect intonation and it's a great chord to begin with... It's the closest thing I have ever come to a religious experience. If there is a god this is what that god wants us all to experience. A moment of complete contentment and a rush of excitment, that burning in your chest as you are hit by a wave of sound so wonderful you want to cry, laugh and shiver all at once. If ever I could get back to those moments.... It may also be that part of my life is over. But it is something that if I can make happen I will.

Ah good music.

Sunday afternoon

2009-02-08T19:32:00.002-05:00

I get a text from FN saying he was at Metro with some friends if I was bored to stop by. At this point I have done one thing that day moved from my bed to my couch. So I hop in the shower and walk on down. Mind you I have yet to eat today. I get there an I have a rum and coke, then a rum and coke, then a rum and coke, then a rum and coke... you get the point. I decide before this gets worse I need to leave. I really need to go to the store and get some groceries since I have been super bad about my diet this last week.

As I am walking back to my apartment I think I could get in my car and drive the two blocks to the store or I could just walk it. I walked it because really the temperature has climbed considerably since the beginning of the week. So really why shouldn't I walk. The real point of this is that I noticed while checking out that I am a little tipsy and everything seems a little swayie. I know why I am like this my question is why are the people working at the grocery like that. I swear all the employees where just stumbling around like they were drunk. Not really paying attention to anything they are doing. Which would explain why my loaf of bread is only two inches wide in the middle. I just shake my head at the people and move on.

Almost there

2009-02-06T10:33:00.003-05:00

The weekend that is. I have been so tired this last week. I feel like an old man. Reason for that are the fatigue and the arthritis. Yes I have arthritis, I have had it since I was 10. It flared up when I was young so bad that I couldn't walk for 3 days. I remember it very clearly because it was so weird. It crept up on me during the day and by lunch I couldn't walk and the teacher had to carry me to the bathroom. To make it worse she was a nun. The same one that damned our class to hell. Anyway I have lived with arthritis mostly in the hips and when it gets really cold it gets worse but this week my hands have really started hurting more and more. I am sure there are several factors one of which I have started practicing the piano more. I have also been knitting and the general cold of the winter is just making every joint in my body ache. I will get over it all a few pain killers and I will be well again.

Easily distractible

2009-02-05T09:41:00.002-05:00

I am easily distracted and this is a fact that many people are aware. None more keenly then my students. I know this and work very hard to avoid. They know that if they don't want to go over homework that they can get me on a topic that has nothing to do with class and I could go for days. Some days I go with it because I too do not what to talk about what is at hand. Sometimes the conversations are relateable to the class I am teaching but many times it is not.

Today was one of those days. I sit down for music theory and start a discussion about talk radio. It saddens me when speaking on this subject. Why? Well it gets me to thinking of the stupidity of the social collective in this country and how easily we buy into things. It's also disheartening to think that we are also so inflexible to accept an alternate view point. I am just as guilty as anyone else and I know this. However many people are not. For me Talk radio is guilty of more than one treason against it's listeners. Let me preface all this with one thing, when I speak of talk radio I don't just mean right leaning I also lump lefties in there too.

First they very rarely hold rational debates. A rational debates allows all sides to be heard whether they are right or wrong whether we agree with the speaker or not. We can challenge a point and by challenge I don't mean petty name calling and "I know you are but what am I" is not what I would call an intellectual debating style. When you can not have a good question to follow their point or fact to prop up you side of things you just shut the hell up and concede the point. Just because you "feel" a certain way does not me that it is right. I "feel" Capri's are stupid and of the devil, that doesn't mean they are.

Second, when you have a producer that only allows calls through of people who agree with you or are so stupid and crazy they couldn't argue there way out of a paper bag that is not being honest with your public. This is my "pick on someone your own size" argument. It's not fair for me to challenge a student who has been playing the sax for one year to a contest of playing abilities. I don't think it is fair that many of these host never actually have a fair fight. How do I know? Because I do listen to these guys, I like to know what bile and stupidity is being shot into the airwaves. I cringe most of the time and I want to yell at the callers because many times they can't string two thoughts together and that is the opposition? Sad days.

Third, why are these people allowed to say what they put forth as news. You are opinion, just because at the top of the hour you read a story from the AP or the weather report that you are all news all the time. This is false and purposely misleading. This is where the collective stupidity of the public comes into play. People believe this to be true. We allow these people to lead us down a path of opinion and call it news. If it were news it wouldn't be one person yelling for two hours they can't possibly do enough research to fill two hours everyday by themselves. It's just not possible. So again if this were a court of law their arguments would be through out because it is pure speculation and rumor. This is also my problem with "news reporters" these days who don't get more than a source or even fact check.

The fourth thing that just pisses me of is that we allow it to happen. We let these people get away with it. I am not news here I am an opinion. This is all about my observations. This is why I have a blog that no one should read or take seriously and not a column in the Washington Post. I don't propose that I am. But some people in large forums say they are, imply they are and let people believe they are. I would be appalled if someone thought what I was writing was something well researched and thought out. People there is no thought here just a crazed teacher that didn't get enough sleep last night and his students aren't doing their homework so he is going on crazy tangents and tirades.

In conclusion Capri's are dumb they aren't shorts they aren't pants they are just lame.

Thank you

I so need my own office.

2009-02-04T14:41:00.002-05:00

I have 1 hour and 36 minutes a day that there are no children present so I can grade, attendance, copy, plan, respond to work email, pick up the room, clear to do items from my desk, or blog. I like these 96 minutes at least 48 of them are Special K free. Which means most of my work gets done then. What I don't get done I do after school or at home. I don't like that. Right now I am in the middle of the time I would have with just me in the office, and Special K is here. And talking out load to no one. Except to bug me, which is always fun. She also likes to ask me questions that I have to stop what I am doing to look up the email that has the info that she wanted. The real funny part is that she has the same email. Why I needed to drop what I am doing to look that up for her is beyond me. This is usually when I leave the room to do other things. But then she will yell from the office for me to get something out of her desk. Then I just leave the building altogether. I find this annoying and counter productive to my work schedule. And I am so frustrated I needed to vent ie. writing out this blog posting which also eats in to my productivity.

Moral of this story everything is Special K's fault. World Hunger: Special K Fighting in the Middle East: Special K Childhood Obesity: Special K The Fact my next door neighbor is really loud in the morning: Special K.

This has been another segment of how Special K is sucking my will to live.

What is going on?

2009-02-04T10:32:00.004-05:00

Yea so last night thought pretty mild. I hadn't had lunch that day and my whole eating for the day had been a granola bar I had at 7am. So 4 jack and cokes got the better of me. I was fine until I got home and the rush of drunk hit me and I was, to say the least, a bit giggly. That is when I decided to blog and make Chicken Tikka Marsala. This might be why at 3 am I awoke to heartburn and a headache.

To make matters worse we are quickly approaching solo and ensemble time. Though not always bad, it's also not always good. For instance the children in the band room right now "playing" through their solo's. One is a junior in high school "playing"* a song I played in 6th grade. Judges are much less forgiving when you stand under 5 feet tall, but not when you could grow a full beard. To say it is awful is a mild understatement. Special K is working with him right now and I just cringe on every "note". I also worked with a group that I wasn't sure were playing the wrong note or was just that out of tune with themselves. Tough call sometimes.

Well all of this is bringing back the heartburn and the headache with a vengeance. God I love teaching... when can I start looking for a new job?

* by playing, I mean butchering.

Ok...

2009-02-03T20:39:00.002-05:00

So I am working on the parade for the big gay parade and tonight I met with the president of pride and one of the chairs for the pride festival. We met at a bar. So to make a long story short, I am drunk. 5 jack and cokes later and it's a school night. So much for the diet. The upside to all of this is that I will sleep well tonight. However the morning may be rough.Yeah...

So over it.

2009-02-03T16:02:00.003-05:00

Winter can go home. I have never been a fan of cold weather to start but this snow needs to go. It's like that guest you didn't invite, or the one who leaves a half eaten ham sandwich in your Christmas tree, this snow has over stayed it's welcome. The city really hasn't recovered from last week let alone ready to start a clearing of the new snow. Chances of me getting another snow day is slim and having to sludge through the traffic in the morning is not a fun thought. I so need to be living somewhere it is either sunny and so very rarely snows or I don't have to drive.

I please summer come soon.

Creatively cooking with constraints.

2009-01-31T13:44:00.002-05:00

So the diet has left me missing large meals. I am not starving by any means but I do get that "oh so very full" feeling and maybe that is a good thing. Many times I go past the osvf feeling and go straight to the "oh so very uncomfortable" feeling. So I have been experimenting with low cal ingredients to make a larger and satisfying meal. By experiment I mean I look around my kitchen say I like this, this and this. Now will they taste fine together. I tend to stick with variations on a theme. I like recipes yet I like to do my own thing. Today I am trying my hand at a baked pasta dish. I added some chicken and orange peppers and it turned out pretty good. It's pretty simple.

Ingredients:
1 small chicken breast
1/2 cup of pasta (whatever you want I like the spiral kind)
1/2 cup sauce (I improv mine with canned tomato's but you can use what you want)
1/4 cup grated cheese (I like cheddar)
1/4 an orange pepper
Spices (Your choice I used Sage, Basil, Ground Mustard, Majoram Leaves, Black pepper and oregano)

Bake the chicken breast, sprinkle sage, basil, ground mustard and marjoram on the chicken. It doesn't have to be fully done it will finish baking in the dish. When the chicken is well on it's way to being done take it out and dice it up into small piece and put into a small baking dish.

Boil the pasta till it just starts boiling it will finish cooking in the dish. Drain the pasta and add to the chicken. Dice the orange pepper and add it to the baking dish. Add about 2 spoon fulls of sauce over the chicken, pasta and peppers sprinkle a small amount of the cheese with that then add black pepper and oregano. Mix it all together in the dish then add the rest of the sauce over the top of everything a little more black pepper and oregano as well as the rest of your cheese.

Put in the oven at 350 for about 10-15 minutes. It serves about two and is roughly 300 calories a serving (or 600 if you eat the whole thing) and very yummy.

I steam up about a hand full of veggies to go with and it makes for a good meal and pretty low cal and easy. I am sure every time I do this I will do it differently depending what is in my fridge. :)

I look at it this way it was easy and quick. Two things I like in my cooking. I like to get right to the eating.

Screw Flanders or Bon Appetit

Snow days

2009-01-30T14:21:00.002-05:00

Though I love the snow days I would like to put in a request that they only occur on Mondays or Fridays. The reason being? It really throws my week off. When I get up the morning after a snow day I am confused because I feel like there should be another day of sleeping in. I do not function well in the mornings so throwing a curve ball like that really can mess with my head. The other reason is that all day today I kept thinking it was the beginning of the week because I had had a day off so recently. So yes nice to have but really messes with my head.

Not that it would take that much to do.

Some good news and some bad news.

2009-01-29T10:39:00.002-05:00

Bad news: 5:45 am Every school in the area was either closed today or on a two hour delay. As I was getting up this morning I was hearing about slide off, car accidents and road closers all over the city. So the question arises why the hell did we come to school at the regular time. This seems idiotic to me. Not that I want to make up the time later on but I think it would be in the best interest of our students and parents to allow more time to get to school safely. But what do I know.

Good News: 6:00am I am at 220 which is 8 lbs less than where I was 4 weeks ago. I even splurged last night and bought some ice cream.

Bad News: 6:45am The roads are just awful. Upon leaving every stop light I have almost no traction. People are driving like idiots and I can't see lines on the roads. So I figure if I don't drive head on into traffic it shouldn't be a problem.

Good News: 7:00am The roads are terrible and the people are stupid but hey there are no school buses on the road. BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS HAVING SCHOOL!

Bad News: 7:20am Waiting in the line to get up the hill to get to school. Anyone else notice that I left at 6:45am and it usually takes 15 minutes for me to get to work.

Good News: 7:30am Still waiting line and I am not at school. So a little bit of an up shot.

Bad News: 7:45am I made it to school it started 10 minutes ago and the kids are bugging me.

The importance of zero

2009-01-28T21:11:00.002-05:00

Zero would be the number of trucks I saw on the road tonight. I have picked up an interesting habit from my father. You see my father use to in bad weather go driving in it by himself to see how bad the roads really were. So tonight I cleared the foot of snow off my car and got out of my parking lot to take a ride around the city. Actually I just started up toward work to see how it was. Seriously I have to say I am pretty amazed at how awful the streets still are. Admittedly I haven't been watching the weather all day nor have I been out but I don't remember seeing snow falling after 11am today. so why in that 8 hours are main thoroughfares of the city still atrocious? I am not aware that we will be getting any more snow over night. I was out for over an hour and I was up and down main arteries of the city and if they don't get crackin' on the streets soon tomorrows commute is going to be craptastic.

Praise Jebus

2009-01-28T05:57:00.002-05:00

So here I am 5:30am and I don't have school today a true snow day with actual snow. The last one we had was because it was "too cold". Whatever we could have totally gone but I ain't knockin' a free day. I am especially not turning down a free day that was also a professional development day and a day that had a basketball game that night. Of all the days to cancel this might have been one of the best. The bad thing is, I was really in the right head space to deal with a day like today. Many times I just drag my feet and dread these types of meetings and the complete take over of my life with basketball games. But today, actually all week I had been fine with it.

I think a lot of this more agreeable demeanor has to do with the change in my eating. I have had more energy lately. One would think that eating less would leave me with less energy. Actually I think it has everything to do with I feel better about myself and therefore I am in a much better head space.In any case I am going to run with it while it lasts. I mean I have not had a dish in the sink for the last week because I come home and do dishes every night and when you don't have a dishwasher that is kind of impressive.

So now the question is what do I do with my day off. I think I will try going back to bed but I think that will be futile. Oh well I hope you all have a good day and Athena I keep watching and hoping you get a snow day as well.

6 in 4

2009-01-27T09:02:00.002-05:00

So this diet is actually starting to show dividends. I weighed myself this morning and discovered that I am down a whopping 6lbs it hasn't been yet 4 weeks and last week was a bust because of being in DC So I feel I am making real progress. I don't seem to mind the less food aspect of it. I know that a lot of my eating is emotional and also because I have let my body and mind feel hungry all the time even when I don't need to eat. It's a tough transition but I feel like I am making real progress. If I can keep up this progress I could be at my goal weight by the end of the summer. Of course I have tried this before and it hasn't worked out the best. Any encouragement would be great. So far so good.

Yeah whatever.

2009-01-25T19:02:00.002-05:00

All I have to say about men in the greater Indianapolis Area is that they need to pull their collected heads from their asses. I am so over stupid people and I am finding that most gay men in this city are complete fuctards. The minuscule number of non stupid men is small if nonexistent.

Nothing in particular brought about this revelation I am just sighing and remember some of the craptastic moments in my dating history. I have become so use to being on my own I have started wondering if I even want t change that. But that is for a whole other day of thinking for right now I am going to just go to bed.

New hobbies

2009-01-14T10:50:00.003-05:00

So last year it was learning to knit and because I have learned to knit sometimes I feel I need to defend my honor and dignity. I feel there is nothing wrong with knitting, in fact it is fun and easy to do. But in the spirit of defending ones actions I have started fencing. No not selling stolen goods on the street but you know with a sword and stuff. I started last night and it was a lot of fun and I am not half bad. Not that I am ready at the moment for a snooty Frenchman to smack my face with a pair of gloves a defend myself, but within a few weeks hopefully I can spare without putting my eye out. :)

Kingsized Maestro

2009-01-13T09:58:00.003-05:00

So me and diets are not friends. I tolerate them, however I am sure they want nothing to do with me. My body certainly does not care for them. Since I have decided to watch the calories my body has been fighting it. I have done a good job at keeping my intake lower. Granted I am sure there are times I could do better but I feel over all I am doing well. Now I do find that the weekends are the hardest to control. I don't keep the same schedule so my routine did not stay the same. I predict this is just how it is going to be. The drinking doesn't help I am sure. I do feel that if I can keep a tight rein during the week and loosen a bit on the weekends I will be fine. Unfortunately I feel my days of 2am runs to White Castle for fried cheese sticks may be over. Alas it will be fine. There are worse things I could give up.

I really shouldn't call this a diet this is a full on change of the way I eat. I just can't consume as much as I use to and I need to condition my body for that. As I enter the second week of this I go from moments where it has gotten easier and where it just feels worse. I am sure I will have it for a while. Or maybe I will chuck it all and purposely gain 65lbs to go on disability.

A silent protest of Prop 8

2009-01-12T14:15:00.006-05:00

After watching the Golden Globes last night and all the bad hair and there was lots of bad hair. For example Drew Barrymore looked like she came from a wind tunnel. She has had good hair in the past so I can't think that she liked it. Several Celebs had hair that was just frizzy and ill kept. Again I know these people can have good hair so I asked myself why is this a problem tonight. I think I have figured it out. The gay communities silent protest of Prop 8 was to allow their straight female friends out looking like that. I can hear it now. "So homo friend number one does my hair really look fine? I just don't know." "Drew it looks great you will be a trend setter everybody will be wearing their hair like that at the Oscars." All the while sending a message to America and the voters of California "This is what happens when you piss us off and alienate us. You only have yourselves to blame. How is going to do your hair and dress you if not us. And you have to look at it. Look at it!!!!!"

I like Amy Adams but seriously you are looking like Cynthia Nixon.

And the worst of this is the ass that ate New York.

Seriously who let her out with the back fat. I know she was just pregnant but she could have found something more flattering. Ok so if we homos don't take care of you who will. Actually we will let the lesbians dress you and do your hair.

Open letter to my stomach

2009-01-09T10:32:00.002-05:00

Dear Stomach,

I know, I know , I know... but I am not going to give you more food. You have had your daily allotment and you will get no more. If you find this to be a problem please refer your concerns to the metabolism. Please be aware it has gone on vacation and I a have not been informed as to when it will be returning. The reason for this reduction of caloric intake is because the gut has been complaining of over population in the area. You should be aware of the suburban sprawl of the ass as well. Until this condition can be rectified we will continue with the rationing of food.

Thank you for your concerns, they have been taken into consideration. You will be included on the monthly weight report.

The Body

Fortress of Solitude

2009-01-08T12:07:00.004-05:00

I must say large groups of teenage girls frighten me, but large group of teenage boys just make me shake my head and roll my eyes. Though I also have to say large social groups of adults work the same way. No matter how "enlightened" or educated the people are the still pretty much act like high school kids. This may explain my aversions to large social settings. Actually it saddens me that it has become increasingly harder to become a hermit in this world. I have recently given thoughts of how to sequester myself away from the world. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and want them around. It's really everyone else that could just go away and I would be happy. I mean, ok large groups are fine when there is a hostage situation the more people the greater my chances of survival. Also when speeding down the highway as long as one person is going faster I won't get pulled over. So yes large amounts of people can be good for some situations.

What I am about to say I already knew and have accepted but it still bothers me that more people then not are just plain stupid. Stupidity bothers me. I will give you ignorance, because if you don't know any better fine you can learn. It's those you are ignorant, know they can change it and refuse to. That to me is stupidity and so many people are just dumb. I have a brother like that. If the resolution to a problem does not present itself in the first five seconds, there is nothing to be done about it. He is also the type of person that will ask you where the butter is in the fridge and you say on the third shelf. He will look in the fridge not see it and say it's not there. However if he had just moved the milk to the side a half inch he would have found it. You know those people. Ugh they just piss me off. I look at it this way I am pretty much an idiot, I have to work hard to learn something and if I can do it a trained monkey could do it so many times people have no excuses.

And this along with a laundry list of reason is why I hate people.

Today's rank has been brought to you by the letter R and the number 6.

Me vs Food

2009-01-07T10:43:00.002-05:00

So it has been awhile because well I have been busy and didn't really care to update. But alas I feel like I need to continue writing something every so often.

Anyway.

I have never been one to count my calories. I have decided over the past 4 days to actually track my calories after the first day where, I won't tell you what that number was, the number was way too high and that was a typical day. First let me just say I could have eaten scrap metal in my 20's and processed it through my system. No I eat a blueberry and it may sit in my system till I die. So since Sunday I have restricted my eating to only a certian number of calories and oh dear god I was so light headed Monday night. I have been good I am on my 3rd day and it's not that bad I am just more aware of it and not just a little appalled at my eating habits. I knew they were bad but dear god it was bad.

foods I have tried

2008-12-17T15:14:00.003-05:00

The Omnivore's 100
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba Ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie grois
24. Rice and beans
25. ~~Brawn, or head cheese~~
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted Lassi
34. Sauerkraut (eww)
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar (thank you Nicky Blaine's)
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal (I tried it I didn't eat a lot of it because damn it was hot.)
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (I had a shot does that count?)
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut (Just reading this makes me want one.)
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini (But didn't really care for it.)
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores (Actually just the marshmallows and Graham crackers)
62. Sweetbreads ( I have to say I probably won't eat this one.)
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

So ready for a break.

2008-12-11T10:12:00.002-05:00

Projects to grade exams to create and past tests to grade. Granted my grading load is much lighter than most teachers and I am not really complaining it just is the increase over what I am use to through out the year that makes it busy. Not really stressful, Special K takes care of that for me. It's the end of the semester and we have recitals and performances. We have also started in to the Basketball season and I have a game tonight. I don't mind them but they just take time.

Going back to Special K for a moment, something happened this week that kind of got her in trouble and created more work for her. It also had the added bonus of freaking her out. And this was kind of my fault. The band, choir and orchestra have never had finals the Christmas concert has always served as their final and so on the day when their final would take place they just don't come in that period. We spread finals out over for days 1st and 2nd on the first day, 3rd and 4th on the second and so on. Well the new VP found out that the orchestra wasn't doing a final and she sent me an email asking me to explain. I tell her that as long as I have been here we never had and no one had said anything till now. I said I had no problem giving one and having them in on that day but this is how the Band and Orchestra always did it. Admittedly I have always thought that they should do something but if I started with the orchestra than the choir director and Special K would get all upset and I just don't have the energy to upset that apple cart. I also didn't have to mention that the band doesn't given a final either but I did anyway. Two reasons I guess one to take the spotlight off of just me and two to get Special K in trouble. Yea I am a dick and I know it.

So Special K is in a tizzy and calling me none stop again while I am in class. So I don't answer one reason is I know why she is calling and I don't want to deal with her. The other, more important reason, is because I have a class. My biggest complaint on this whole thing is, why did they wait till now to make this call. The principle is the one who made the decision to do this and he has always known we did it this way. Why now? but that aside I am fine with the change and pretty pleased. It's pisses Special K off and that makes me happy. Merry Christmas to me.

Belligerent Gay Driver- Tales From the Drive Thru!

2008-12-02T09:50:00.004-05:00

What a strange day for our hero. We last saw him speeding away screaming and flipping the bird to some children, who I am sure deserved much worse. Anyway, it was a snowy day and all BGD really wanted was a cheese burger and a coke. It had been a long time since BGD had consumed fast food... shut up, ok it was last week. Back to the story, BGD rounds the corner of the local fast food establishment to find a sea foam green Accord parked roughly 25 ft from the drive thru. The truck "in front" of him was at the speaker. From this scene one may think that the truck just pulled up and the gentleman in the car behind had yet to notice. He was in one of those ambiguous spots where you ask yourself, do you go around or wait. One doesn't want to presume too much in these situations. So BGD waited, and waited... and waited... and honked. The drive who by the way was looking at the back of the truck this entire time decided to pull up. A foot. BGD patiently inches forward to give the drive the ok to move more than the foot he had taken and that in fact there were roughly 20 more he could cover. The driver took no notice. The truck moves on to the payment window. BGD doesn't move, except his hand to the horn where BGD proceeds to give another gentle reminder.

The driver or as we will call him from now on Arch Nemesis, moves up but not really far enough to make it to the speaker. The reason being is that the truck was still 20 feet ahead. One could only assume that was the reason. AN sat two feet from the speaker and 20 from the truck ahead. That was until the truck moved up and then AN felt it was fine to proceed to the speaker. BGD felt that things may now start moving along a bit faster. Foolish hero, AN's window went down, and then back up, and then back down this time for a considerable amount of time, and then back up....

And then the cars started moving. Until it hit the curb and then he backed up giving no heed to the people behind him, which considering the safe distance he gave the truck BGD found odd and proceeded to do some backing up of his own. All things began to move forward again. BGD rolls down the window. "What do you want?" crackled the speaker box. Ummm a better attitude for one thing. BGD found this odd because even the most surly of BK employees at least put on a light facade of giving a shit about their jobs. BGD gives his order and proceeds to the payment window. That was until he was met by, yep you guessed it Arch Nemesis with his window up and no one in front of him at the next window. BGD did not need to do anything because Surly Girl at the payment window knocked on AN's and waved her hand to usher him on to the next destination. BGD was grateful for the unlikely ally.

BGD pays and would like to pull forward but alas AN had his window down and accepting his rations. His window goes up and ... (Wait for it)

BGD honks

Surly Girls side kick Bitchy motioned AN on. He of course only pulled up 3 feet not quite enough room for BGD to pull up get his food and leave. BGD did what any other hero would do. He honked the horn and flipped AN off. AN pulled up 15 feet and stopped. BGD grabs his food and speeds away. AN could very well still be in that parking lot staring at his food.

And the moral of the story is: Move your ass you fuctard.

Holiday Break

2008-12-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

As per most holiday breaks I started this one with drinking. Blanche and FN stayed in, but Mom and Romeo were out last Tuesday, I lost count of drinks at 5 I know people had bought me drinks mostly to get me to sing. I am not sure how it happened but I found myself singing "Shiney Happy People" by R.E.M. I had the day off Wednesday and spent a good portion of the day with my friends from Iowa. It was great we had lunch and then went to the Library where we read a little, chatted a lot and had some tea. I know that sounds nerdy but they had not seen the Library since it's renovation so that was the main reason for going. After that we went shopping and then I had to leave to pick mom up for dinner with the boys and Athena. We went to a place called Zing. Very much like Tapas but not Spanish. All the food was great I highly recommend the place and the Tiramisu Martini. After that most of us went to Olleys and drank and then to Gregs to drink. I got bored and went home.

Thursday was time spent with the Family. As I said to my friend Sarah, Holidays should have enough time to spend with the people you love as well as time spent with Family. I actually enjoyed this Thanksgiving mostly because the idiot brother and his shrew of a wife were not there. My eldest niece who is a Freshman in high school told me that she wanted to go to Georgetown and be in the foreign service school. I really hope she does because then she can be an ambassador to a good country that I can go visit. :)

Friday I spent with Xena and the friends from Iowa. We had Turducken. As Jamie called it all day the frankenbird. I just called it Thanksgiving from the Island of Dr. Moreau. For those who don't know it's a Turkey with a duck stuffed inside and a chicken stuffed inside the duck. It also had stuffing and as if that wasn't bad enough we wrapped it in bacon. All in all this abomination of nature was pretty good.

I think it was a good vacation. I only got 3 hrs sleep last night but I am surprisingly awake today. I know it won't happen but I am looking out my window at all the snow and hoping for an early dismissal because of snow. Ah too much to hope for.

Ok so this made me smile.

2008-11-21T17:06:00.002-05:00

From time to time I like to see who is reading my blog and many times I get one time hits because they are searching for something and my blog pops up but this one threw me because really who would be searching for "Pretentious Wall Coverings"?????

And to add to my bizaro foreign readers I can say. Welcome readers from Serbia, Bulgaria and Saudi Arabia. The last one gives me pause because now I can add that to the Yemen, Pakistan and Iran readers I don't know what about my blog screams extreme religious fanaticism. (I can't believed I spelled fanaticism right on my first try.)