My Nerdy Protegees

I swear I blink and a week has gone by. These last two weeks have just flown by. I am not really sure what I did but I will take it. Maybe it's because daylight savings time has really been kicking my ass. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination but it's worse when you get up at 5:30 to have to get up at what was 4:30. Let's just say I haven't been making it to work in a timely fashion this last week. I am still there before the bell rings but man I am draggin' ass like no other. The up side is that my class couldn't be better. I had a great after school rehearsal Wednesday and yesterday.

The other thing is I brought a video of lectures Leonard Bernstein did at Harvard in '73. I was only going to show the first half of the first DVD in the 6 disc series. But my Independent Studies kids loved it. I mean really loved it. Usually kids will half watch and try to do homework, fidget, sleep, talk or try to text but these guys just sat and watched. I thought I was nerdy but they just loved it and asked if they could watch more. I said sure. Because really this takes care of them for the next 2 weeks. I will have to come up with something for them to do that relates to it but I don't think that will be a problem. I am actually very glad they liked it. I wanted to show it to them but figured they would be bored and not get anything from it. I really like this group of guys they are very into talking about music and I can totally get into that. I have 4 seniors and 1 Junior in the class and 3 of the seniors are going to major in music and the Junior is a really good songwriter and wants to pursue that. Independent Studies use to be a pain because most of the time kids would sign up so they didn't have to do anything, so you would have to struggle to get them working but these guys are great and work all the time.

So I guess I could start the count down but I am afraid that when I do the days are going to start dragging. But I am now 2 weeks out from Spring Break. There I said it let the weekends fly and the class periods slip into epic lengths. I will just say 2 weeks and not do a day and hour count. That will come later when I become more desperate for a break.

What is going on?

Yea so last night thought pretty mild. I hadn't had lunch that day and my whole eating for the day had been a granola bar I had at 7am. So 4 jack and cokes got the better of me. I was fine until I got home and the rush of drunk hit me and I was, to say the least, a bit giggly. That is when I decided to blog and make Chicken Tikka Marsala. This might be why at 3 am I awoke to heartburn and a headache.

To make matters worse we are quickly approaching solo and ensemble time. Though not always bad, it's also not always good. For instance the children in the band room right now "playing" through their solo's. One is a junior in high school "playing"* a song I played in 6th grade. Judges are much less forgiving when you stand under 5 feet tall, but not when you could grow a full beard. To say it is awful is a mild understatement. Special K is working with him right now and I just cringe on every "note". I also worked with a group that I wasn't sure were playing the wrong note or was just that out of tune with themselves. Tough call sometimes.

Well all of this is bringing back the heartburn and the headache with a vengeance. God I love teaching... when can I start looking for a new job?

* by playing, I mean butchering.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

"The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” — Albert Einstein

It has been a while since I have complained about Special K. Mostly because I haven't seen her enough to really get annoyed this semester which has been a good thing.Except I am putting together the list for Solo and Ensemble. The same problem occurs every year same problem, we require them to participate and then Special K insists on hand holding them through the process giving away more time in class than I feel is needed. She concedes this is a problem and says we need to come up with a solution. I am a problem solver I like solving problems I am sure I can come up witha few ideas. I do and this is the response, "Yea, I don't think that is going to work so we are not going to do that." So what do we do? We trudge through yet another disorganized year and become an even bigger joke in the world of music education. Ok here are her ideas "...?" You can see she is contributing greatly to finding a solution. Is it any wonder I am looking to get out of this situation.

But I digress, why is it that I feel like I continually bang my head against a wall? Oh I forgot to mention that she likes to call me when I am in class and she knows I am in class and interestingly enough she should be in class. Oh god I hate days like today.

Things that piss me off today

Why do Students feel the need to badger at a point they have already lost. We had a discussion today in theory actually over something not related. The student asked a question. I answered, for some reason he thought I was wrong. So know I have to go into great detail about it which takes up time. Even after that he still wanted to argue. I explained my point in a different way. And yet here we were again with him argueing me. Not in anyway to explain his point except with "It's A!" When I have clearly 3 different ways showed him that it is B. I had to after 10 minutes just say I would no longer engage in the arguement and yet he would bring it up through out the class. I just wanted to say "Look you are just being a dick, shut up."

Ugh why do they do that. I would have never argued with a teacher like that. I think there would have come a time when the teacher or college professor would have just kicked me out of their classroom.

Maybe I should do that.

So very bored

So yesterday the students took the PSAT and I had to proctor one of the classrooms and let me tell that is just more fun the a big box of black death. It's just super boring at least the kids had a test to kill the time I just had to sit there. Of course I spent the time grading quizzes and whatnot but that can only take up so much time. So it became boring really fast.

Speaking of boring after the testing we had a professional development day. This one involved diversity. I feel we as teachers do a good job diversifying our curriculum to reflect a diverse world. I mean I understand when you are teaching English Lit you can only get so diversified. But over all I think we do a good job. I also feel we make every class as inclusive as possible. I know my classes are pretty well rounded and I would like to think that each of those kids feel like they are getting the attention they need. So I ask if we are doing that and have a person whose job title is Director of Diversification and she has a committee of faculty members and a club on campus for it. Why are we doing this again? I don't know. I am all for diversity and it's important to be aware but 3 hours and 15 minutes aware.

You know what I became aware of? The texting feature on my phone. I started off just sending to my friends but then moved on to other teachers several tables away and then the teachers at my table. I am serious when I say teachers make the worst students. I of course sat in the back of the room and talked, texted, played tick-tack-toe, hangman and was in general a nuisance. The only time we as a table shut up was when the speaker moved about the room and he came back to our table. I know that look and I know that move I used it that morning while the kids took the PSAT. I say this is what makes me a great teacher. Why is that you ask, because I know all the signs and all the tricks. Like I told the kids "You can't fool me because I have done it and I did it better."

So here is just a bit of a text conversation I had with a teacher sitting right next to me.

Her: How do we get out of this?
Me: Well we could come up with a phony excuse.
Her: Better yet why don't you stab yourself and I can help you to the hospital.
Me: Umm I don't like that plan.
Her: Well you can stab yourself in a place that won't cause much damage just a flesh wound. We need to see blood.
Me: Ummm still not liking it. How about an aneurysm. It's internal they couldn't tell.
Her: I think they need to see blood.
Me: I am allergic to pain.
Her: I think you are chicken do you want to get out of this or not.
Her: Is the guy standing behind me?*
Me: Yes*
* I made the last 2 lines up. But I thought it made it funnier.

Why I fear for the future

Or why I hate teenagers.

Now I know I felt a sense of entitlement as a teenager and that on occasion I would express that to my peers and maybe in an outburst with my parents but I would have never in my wildest moment ever manifest that in front of a teacher. As anyone who went to high school with me can attest I was a kiss ass, a teachers pet. If I didn't suck up directly to the teacher I pretty much was never bothersome to them. I never received a detention in all of high school or middle school. I was always a good kid in class. Yes I would talk from time to time but I had a healthy fear of my teachers. If not the teachers then the ramification of my parents finding out and my father I had a fear of him angry. I am fairly certain I can make this claim because when I did finally do something punishment worthy in high school I was let off the hook with this said to me. "If it were any other student you would have been suspended but because it's you I will let it go."

Yes I disagreed with teachers and coaches growing up but I never had the back bone to say it out loud. At least not til college where I would talk back whenever I wanted to.

In general I find that teenagers at my school at least feel a sense of entitlement and that entitlement says "I can do and say what I want and I don't care." I think the most frustrating part is that we as a faculty let them. I can't imagine a single teacher in my high school that would have stood for me making the comments I hear everyday.

Example, yesterday in my theory class we got on the topic of band camp and how ticked I was when the seniors crawled all over my car and wouldn't move and put dents in the hood and roof. One of the seniors sat there and said to my face that I deserved it because I wouldn't let them Saran wrap and dump water on me. I deserved to be harassed and have property damage because I didn't want to be harassed in the first place? In all seriousness I wanted to get up out of my chair and punch him in the face. He then went on to say that he didn't feel it was his fault because he didn't climb on my car. I pointed out that he did nothing to stop them and in fact was yelling and encouraging the others to do so. In my mind I find his actions as deplorable as everyone else's. He then sat there and said "Well that may be but I refuse to say I am sorry." When you are so in the wrong how can you make things worse? mmmmmm say just that to a person obviously very upset with you.

It really isn't teenagers and it's not just this generation it's this mentality. This notion that we can treat each other badly and it's ok. This lack of respect not just for an authority figure but for yourself, other people and the activities that you participate. We are far more focused on getting the respect for ourselves before we would even deign to give it to someone else. What ever happen to thinking of others first. Let me through out a cliche for you. Walk a mile in another mans shoes. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Yes corny, yes cliche but seriously grow up people and be less selfish in our thoughts and in our actions. Yes people can be pricks but do we need to be a prick back?

This rant has been brought to you by the fact I need to get away from this job.

On Substitute Teaching

First let me clarify that subbing can be easy money. It can also be a big pain in the ass, for much the same reason it's easy money. You don't do much of anything. Example, today I was subbing for a US history class. The teacher is *shock* a football coach. The football team had to leave early because their game is 2.5 hours away. So they had to leave before the end of the day. Anyway in typical fashion I show up for the teacher, who has no idea who I am, to tell me to have them do these work sheets in groups and then give them a homework assignment due Monday. Ok? anything else? Nope, great! I am on board with this. However it is 48 minutes of sitting and doing nothing. I have already checked my mail several times and it's almost the weekend so I am not starting any new projects so there I am staring at the students who in turn are staring at me. The clocks in this particular building are never right and the kids try to get me to let them go early. I just throw them a look that suggests I know they are full of shit without saying it. I just gently remind them that they have to wait for the bell to ring and then they are free to go. What I really want to say is "look I don't want to be here either I usually have 8th period free."

The pay for subbing isn't great but then again I am just baby sitting. I say when you as a teacher are not there for the class the room just fills with a knock out gas that lasts roughly 45 minutes. That way they have a few minutes to gain their barrings before heading to their next class. I think this and the shock collars are the best ideas for secondary education ever.

I do not teach fluff

Just for the record, music if taught correctly is not a just mindless fun it is a serious academic pursuit. For all those nay sayers out there I say I can take Calculus and get an A faster than some people could take Music Theory and get an A. I had a student today ask if theory was a year long course. I said only if you take theory 2 which is offered next semester. He then said he may take drawing. I rolled my eyes. I hate when students, parents and faculty assume because it has "music" in the title it's easy. I got news for you, it's damned hard. As this students grade reflects. They are shocked by the fact that they need to study and that you can't just coast. I am just doing theory 1 I am not even getting into hard stuff. This is basic foundations of music. I had one of the Vice Principles tell me that some of the students are saying that my music theory class is the hardest class they have. I said good. He looked at me and asked, "It's just music how hard can it be." I swear I would never think to say that to any other faculty member. The closest I would ever come is saying "I found History to be easy but then again I loved History." the fact he said that just emphisizes how little he regards what I do. Or how ignorant he really is.

Wasting time.

Because of an assembly today my 2 prep periods got put back to back. So instead of delegently prepping for the rest of my classes today I decided to do this instead. I feel this is a better use of my time anyway. The classes are reduced to about 35 minutes so I think I can tread water for most of that.

So I have found that most of the students think I don't swear and if you know me and my frequent usage of words like fuctard or cunticle, you know this to not be true. So it made it very funny this morning when I get to school this morning and 2 of my favorite seniors that just graduated stopped by the office. I closed the door and we were talking and I noticed that I was just dropping swear words left and right. Normally this is how I would talk if I was frustrated and I was but these two had never heard me do that. I look at it this way, they are not my students anymore I don't really care. I don't think they did either they were just finding it very amusing.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Not much to do and no day I have to be up early. I also plan to hit the gym seriously this weekend. I have gone twice this week because I have been afraid to step on a scale after Vegas and my eating habits went to hell and my frequent use of the gym went to nothing. But yesterday I stepped on the scale before heading to the Pride mixer and woo hoo I am 216. Consider I started at 232 this is very good. Before Vegas my last weigh in was 219. So I am trying to convince the Mean Girls to give it another try at the Biggest looser thing. Not so much that I want to win but I would like the motivation. And winning is nice. I somehow became the defacto winner. But that is good.

So we will see.

Tonight we are going over to Romeo's because his roommate is having a mojito party and whenever there is free booze I am there. So hey maybe there will be a drunken blog entry later. *fingers crossed*

So very tired

So Tuesday night I decided to go out late (late for me during school is 9:30pm) and met Mom and the boys for a few minutes at the metro. I paid for it the next morning. I got up yesterday exhausted at 5:45 am. Showered, fixed lunch, got dressed, put all my work back in my bag and drove to work. Ran to my office printed off a few things, fixed three instruments, pulled 2 mouthpieces from horns, got music for two people and grabbed an arm load of extra charts and then headed to the field. It is now 6:45am I get to the field and am bombarded by questions most of which I can't answer at that moment. I get through my day of classes and meet Mom to give her some cd's, I'll tell you about those later. I force myself to the gym and come home make a sandwich and then go to bed at 9pm how sad is that. So this morning I wake up still completely exhausted. Man I need to do something different because I am draggin' ass today.

Teacher detention 08

Yes another year is upon my and yet again I found myself in the faculty meeting from hell. Though I must say it wasn't as bad as last year. At least we were not driven to a different location. The day started with a mass and then on to important things. Like blah, blah, blah, crap I don't care about. 3 hours later we had lunch.

Really the whole day just drug on I was so happy when it was over. Not that there was a lot of stupidity, unlike last year. It was just boring. A colegue pointed out that there was no coffee and stated "Don't they know we need coffee because we are not used to being up this early yet." "And it's so damned boring." I added. And it was.

Last year we had an instance where one simple piece of information had to be repeated 9 million times because people were just to stupid to live. Example..."This year first period tardies will be different. Instead of sending students back to the front office to get a pass you will simply mark them tardy in the computer and we will track it in the front office and handle the detentions from there." Simple right? Well apparently this was too much to process because this is what happened next.

Fuctard 1 "So do we send them back to the office if they are late?"
Moderator: "No, just mark them late and we will take care of it."
Fuctard 2: "So when do we give them detentions?"
Moderator: "You don't we will take care of it."
Fuctard 3: "When they come to my class late for first do I send them back down to the main office to get a pass?"
Moderator" "No."
Fuctard 1: "Do we email the front office that people are late?"
Moderator: "No just put it in the attendance program on your computer we will take it from there."
Fuctard 4: "So how do the detentions work, do we hand them out?"
Moderator: "No, we will handle it in the front office."

Now imagine this going on much like this for 20 minutes. So you would understand my frustration when during a presentation about how to make the school a little more green when I believe fuctard 1 asked this question. "So could someone go over first period tardies again." It was bad enough that she had asked that question but what I would like to know is how that had to do with keeping the campus more environmentally sound unless she meant for me to bludgeon her till she died and we used her as organic fertilizer. I swear Teachers make the worst students. I know I was texting for most of the meeting, doodling and talking with my neighbors for most of the time. I was just so bored I was so very close to pulling out a book and reading. Maybe I will do that for our next faculty meeting.

Stress

I can't believe I actually got up when I did this morning. I was up at 7am. I am trying to train my body to get back to school hours. It really hit me last night how much stress that school puts on me. Since the first of June haven't been having problems sleeping but last night knowing that I was doing stuff for school and going in I just couldn't shut my mind off. I laid in bed thinking about what I needed to do the next day and the whole week and things I hadn't gotten to yet and I just started freaking out a bit. I realized what I was doing and just asked myself, "Is this what I did all last year?" (I didn't say it out loud because that would be crazy.) The answer sadly was, yes this is exactly what I did all last year. No wonder I didn't sleep well and when I did I would still wake up exhausted. I just get so stressed by school and Special K that I just push it all to the back of my head and when it has a moment to breathe it all comes bubbling back up and I can't shut it off. It is sad that I freak out when I know that when I close my eyes the next time I open them I will be met with another day of all of it again. I don't know what needs to be different but something does need to change. But really I have slept so well the past 30 days. even though I have over slept and gotten way off a routine sleep schedule I have felt better about myself and my health. Things to think about.

Oh praise jebus

My 8th period is gone today. I can leave early if I want to.



And I do.

working

For those of you wondering I am now officially full time and the orchestra director. I say orchestra it is right now a string ensemble but in the next few years if I can get the numbers up then I can make it a large orchestra and leave Special K and the band and just work on this. Hello open Fall.

Care packages

I don't know what got me thinking about those today. I never really got one when I was in college. Not one that came in the mail. But I saw my parents quite frequently and when I did my mom and dad would bring me something whether it was food, money, this or that so in a way I did. They came to almost every concert I had in school. The two they missed one was because weather was so bad they couldn't make it and the other time was when my grandmother died. So pretty good excuses if you ask me.

End of school is looming ever closer and only 7 more days of classes. Because my classes are mixed with seniors I don't do anything after senior finals which are a week before everyone else's. My applied class I believe will be playing bocce ball. A sport I have grown to love over the years. I am also loving the fact that I have gotten 15 kids to sign up for orchestra next year. This is an ensemble that at most has had 7. Of course the person doing the ensemble before me didn't try to grow the program and has actively tried to suppress it and kill it. I have 8 freshmen and 2 new sophomores. If I can continue to pull 6-10 freshmen every year in 4 years I will have an orchestra of more than 30. Which for string orchestras is pretty good. Especially a string orchestra at a private school. I think I can really make this my own and break free from Kathy.

Ah well we will see.

Bizarre dreams

I don't usually remember my dreams if I dream at all but I remembered these from last night. I won't go into details but lets just say the was a car chase and an ex so it was full evening of strange subconscious try to communicate with me. I have absolutely know idea what it meant.

So on another topic, I have really gotten into handing out detentions. I hadn't before but with this class I have found it almost necessary. I am not handing out a lot mind you I believe just 4 this entire year. Some teachers that is just one period. The three I gave to on Tuesday was more because I was tired of asking them to sit down and stop being disruptive. If they just would have gone I would not have been upset but come on. The funniest thing is that one of the students had been expelled earlier in the semester and somehow weaseled his way back into school. So when I handed him his detention he in all seriousness said he would be expelled if he got one more detention. I thought about it for a moment, I really wouldn't have lost sleep over it either way but I did tell him that this will be his only warning and that if I need to give him one again that I would not hesitate. All I wanted him to do was to just be good. And to my surprise he has been, knock on wood. So we will see it would suck to be 1 month from graduating and to be kick out of school. I really think the faculty would throw me a parade if I had given him one.

Should I stay or should I go

So faced with whether I am an idiot on many fronts. Am I just a general idiot and I know the answer to that on many days... yes. But as to specific problems I am unsure. Foolish, probably; unrealistically optimistic, yeah and an idiot, who knows.

So faced with two choices. Work; it has been a thorn in my side for quite some time. I have been planning on leaving for the past 10 months however new developments. I have been asked to build an orchestra program. Which excites me, I would love to stay at this job. So many pros in it's corner, great students, great administration, great faculty, I enjoy teaching, lots of vacation time. The cons early mornings, weekends, and the biggest one of all Special K. The last one sucks my will to live. My soul dies a little each time I think about having to spend another waking moment with her. It's such a problem that it almost negates all the pros. Am I being an idiot for staying. Do I really think building a program separate from her will keep me happy and out of the range of her bullshit. I don't know, I would like to think that it would. We will see I have yet to get my contract for next year and we will see what it has on it. If they fuck me over again, screw them I won't be back anyway. I would rather go work for Starbucks.

As for the other reason I am an idiot. So I like a guy and I thought he liked me, god this is so junior high. I actually broke out of my shell and talked to him in a public setting two nights in a row, which I never do. The few times I have done this in the past it has always blown up in my face. I fear this will be no exception. It's been about 3 weeks since that and I have not seen him out. I emailed him once during this 3 weeks and have yet to hear back. Should I just give up and not worry about it or pursue it. I don't want to be a nuisance. And this brings me to my problem do I let my fear of being a bothersome pest get in my way of talking to people. I just really don't want to be "that guy". You know the one who can't take a hint. I myself have encountered far too many of those. Just recently I have been hit on by a 22 year old, a 46 year old and a 54 year old. Nothing against people of those ages I just really don't want to date any one that far from my demographic. What I hate is when I make that clear and they still are trying to convince me that I should or they are different. I am like dude leave me alone. I just don't want to be that guy. So in being not that guy I become single? There has to be a better way. I am just unsure of it. Alas I ask the question am I just an idiot.

Feeling like crap and loving it.

I am sitting at home feeling awful this morning. I am trying to work up the energy to get dressed and go to State Solo and Ensemble contest. I really don't want to. The fact of the matter is that I have mentally checked out of this job. I realize that most of, if not all of my stress and frustration stem from this one activity that I do daily. I don't even care that I am not dating anyone. I really just need a different job. And being sick takes me from having to do much of anything today. If I wanted to stay curled up on my couch I could or I could go and listen to children play. I don't know. I am just tired right at the moment. And my head hurts.

Educational Philosophy

Ok So I just came from basically sitting and watching children walk by. They call this resource were the kids are assigned to a place, not a room, for 23 minutes each day. Now I don't know who these kids are and I am stationed down by the library which means lots of kids are flowing in and out. The question then becomes who do I stop and what do I stop them for. I look at it this way if they are not in class and it doesn't seem that they are disrupting class and it doesn't seem like they are doing anything constructive then why the hell have it. Yes some kids actually study but for the most part it is a social hour or I guess 23 minutes. Hey I don't care if they are suppose to be in class and aren't it's only going to hurt them. Not my problem. I am such a bad teacher.

Just Starting

First I would like to say I am not drunk. It just struck me as funny. So this is blogging? Well it will at least get me to writing whether anyone ever sees this or not. I think it will be good for me in one way or another.

So if this entry is a little disjointed I am sorry. I am writing while at work so I have to go teach a class now and then or in the case of what I just came from watch a hall and tell kids to tuck in their shirts. While I understand the "need" for a dress code and uniform I can also see why it is just a pain in the ass for the students as well as the teachers. Yes the argument that we want them to feel no pressure to have the right clothes and all of that and it keeps kids from wearing inappropriate clothing choices. But really these are the same kids who some drive a beamer to school while I drive a 97 mercury tracer. I think these kids are aware of the haves and the have nots. Plus if we don't let them express somewhat in their dress, the question then becomes how will they express themselves. The really funny thing is that I was walking behind some kids and another teacher yelled at those kids for having a shirt untucked. More detentions are given out for dresscode violations than anything else. They have actually sent kids home for not having the correct Khaki pants. Not for wearing jeans or shorts but for the "wrong" Khakis. Does that seem odd to anyone else.

Maybe I am a bad teacher because I have such a lax attitude toward the dress code, and toward some classroom behavior. I try to make it very relaxed in the sense that questions and mistakes are as acceptable as studious note taking and only right answers. Now getting into the groove of understanding the appropriateness of when it's time to work and play does take some time, but once established I don't find it a problem. Then again my tolerance of so much is high. I really become a stickler when it comes to rehearsal edicate.

Ok well that is probably enough for today.

Book of the day: "Tao Te Ching" Lao Tzu

Music of the moment Ben Folds "Rockin' the Suburbs"