Shoot me now.

I had what was probably the most ridiculous weekends of my life. I won't get into too much detail but lets just say I was tired and drunk for a lot of it and did a lot of things I don't care to do again. From being manhandled, seeing far too many cross dressers, spending time in a bathhouse (don't ask nothing dirty happened), drinking again too much jack daniels. You know one may think I am developing a drinking problem, but I am not an alcoholic. They go to meetings and I don't. This was by far the most bizarre weekend of my life and I have had a few. Although I believe I flirted successfully this weekend and may have actually got a prospect in the way of a date. I did give out a number and we will see if he uses it. If not I am not too torn up about it. Hey I am just happy I didn't trip over myself or say something completely stupid as I often do when confronted with men. We will see.

Evil Jack

Again I took my friend jack out on the town and again my "friend" jack stabbed me in the back. Smoking, talking to strangers, these are all things jack makes me do. I tell you he is no good. I am a little fuzzy on some of the people I talked to. A lot of them seem to know me more than I knew them. This disturbs, a lot. Also I believe Eric from pride band was talking smack about me at this party. I would like to know for the record what I have ever done to anyone in that band. I have in fact done nothing to these people but they like to get their drama on and start talking about people. They have no idea what they are talking about and they continue this behavior and it is ridiculous. This is a big reason I am not going back for a while. Why do I need to go back and be talked about. Screw em. Anyway, back at the party, overall I didn't want to slit my wrists at the end of the evening. Though I must say I am just not big on parties especially when I don't know many people and when people seem to have preconceived notion of who I am. I just don't like having people know who I am when I don't know them. Just saying. I would rather know them and them not know me :P. Avoiding the jack tonight.

Costumes

So the adventure begins in finding costumes. Of course we are doing 3 different things thus we need 3 different costumes. Party on Friday, I am doing a cheap and easy Phantom of the Opera. Saturday the Bag Lady bus tour, don't ask. I got talked into helping with taking photos for it. I was thinking a photographer theme, you know like Ansel Adams however no one would get it. Ah wit is lost on some. So I am recycling an old costume I am going as Sister Theodore Guerin newly sainted. Then Tuesday Skareoke at the metro originally I was thinking Cartman but FN was going to go as Kim Jong-il which gave me the idea of a threesome. We are always looking for 3 FN as Kim Jong-il, Me as Saddam Hussein and Blanche as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (president of Iran) and go as the Axis of Evil. Now Blanches will be hard because people won't get it. Again Smart humor wasted on people. It's funny!!! Oh well Blanche may dress as George W. which will work well. So there you have it Halloween 06. If we can pull off the Axis of Evil it should be pretty good. Come on Axis of Evil that's funny people!!!

Change of temperament

I thought I would lighten things up with tales from the kickboxing class. We had a sub tonight, he is usually in the class and very vocal. He is actually quite fun in the class so it was nice to have him teach the class if the regular girl isn't there. I always love seeing new girls come into the class and be completely uncoordinated. They do make me feel better about myself. The 60 year old woman was there again and she totally made me look like a chump. And the over tanned 40 something woman who apparently lives for aerobic classes. She was a bit to aerobisized. Her thighs didn't touch seriously eat something. Oh well, and that is how I spent my evening. It totally kicked my ass but hey I am down a pant size woo hoo.

one year

It is amazing what can happen in a year and what doesn't happen. I am living in a new place. Still single, still working the same job for the same craptastic pay. Still minus one parent. I have to say it took a long time for me to be somewhat comfortable with Charles' death. I am not sure I am still. When my father died last year a lot in my life changed and yet so little has. I have done more writing and submitting of music for contests and commissions. I have gone to the gym and become dedicated to making my body a healthier place. Even with all those changes I still feel like nothing has. I am sure I am just saying most of this because of the time of year and what today means but I am still very lonely. I know I have friends and I love them so much. I even have had friends move back to the area, which is quite the opposite of how it usually happens. I think I find someone to date and make a connection with but that usually falls apart. Oddly enough it has lately made me more determined. I don't know if that is just foolish of me or not but oh well. Just so much to take in I wish I could say big things have happened in my life. Not even little things have. Right, tomorrow is another day, right??? but why does it just seem like all the other days?

unemployable

Apparently I am completely unhirerable. I don't know which is worse getting turned down by a date or a job. Both you get excited about both you would like to see spending a lot of time with, however they do not feel the same way. Both almost always take the chicken shit way out about telling you. I am desperate to leave my current job and desperate to find a new one. Life sucks. In a major way it sucks. I cannot deal with it.

Big Nerd

I am fully aware of my nerdiness and that it has many levels. If I had a problem with this I would not be telling the following story. I went t Paige's music today to pick up a few things for my classes and they are having a big clearance sale on over stocked instruments. Lets just say if I had the money my shoe fetish would be dwarfed by my music fetish. There was just too many things I wanted to buy. Seriously I need a better paying job so I could buy all this stuff. How sad is that.

Drinking

So again last night my friend Jack and I had a good time. I enjoy drinking but this is the second Friday night in a row that I have drank a little too much. My friends and I met and predrinked before heading to a party at another friends. We really were not sure how this party was going to go over. It was a Clue party. The concept in and of itself was a tricky one to get psyched up for. Anyone who knew me in college knew how obsessed I was with this movie. Whenever there was a movie night at Maesto's place it was Clue and something else. Band trips I would bring Clue much to the chagrin of my fellow bandmates. But even with all of that I was a bit trepidous about going. So much could have gone wrong and so very badly. But I must say it was much better than I thought it would. Maybe that was because of the copious amounts of booze in me, who knows but at the time I really meant it when I said that I had a good time.

We went out after that and I again continued drinking. Maybe I should not have but I did. That was the closest I had ever been to passing out from drinking too much. I did have enough sense to put down the drink and take myself home. I am not really sure how I got into bed but there I was at 7:30 this morning still a little drunk. I got up and god knows how made it to the gym. Kudos to me if no one else will say it.

Ah at least with all the drinking I can still get to the gym. A life goal continues.

Not a Typical Homo

So aside from many other reason I am a bad homosexual the fact that I do not care for costume parties or dressing up for halloween. I have been invited to a sudo costume party this evening. We were given characters to play but no descriptions of who we are to be. So all this ambiguity has left me at a loss. As I am just now looking at the invite I don't think I am who I had asked to be. With the dwindling options a plastic sergeon was one of them. I asked to be that but the name on the invite leads me to believe I am someone else. With a name like Poindexter, and here is a problem point it is spelled differently in two different places Hide on the envelope and Hyde on the invitation. This could be done quite differently, on the one hand I could be a gittery nerd who likes to stay out of the way or I could be a nerd who becomes his alter ego a la Nutty Professor or a more classic Jeckle and Hyde. So that still leaves me with many alternatives how do I do this? Or do I feign sickness and stay home. :) I will never say this again but damn I wish there was a football game tonight I had to go to.

so now what?

So it has been an interesting day. I went in late to work because well I wasn't needed and I just didn't want to be there. I have so checked out. I have to get this job or another one soon I don't know if I can take it there much longer. I am just so tired of the person I am working with. Apparently before I got there she was discussing our differing philosophies in music education with our Paige's rep. Who when I was helping him out with some of the instruments he told me of the conversation. He saw valid points in both sides. He did say mine was more educationally based, though nice to hear I didn't need the confirmation. I know mine is more educationally sound and best for the kids and the program, what did it for me was saying the following."Well not only is it the better choice it makes me full time and keeps me here. Her plan does not." Just once again reinforcing the fact that she will not do anything to save my job, because it inconveniences her. Her comfort is far more important. Well I hate to tell her if I leave her comfort goes down the drain so she looses either way. I am just tired of fighting with her so I am not I am just putting in the bare minimum and going from there. When I find a job I will give my two weeks and take off. I love the kids but not enough to move in with my mother.

btw I did go to the gym :)

Blah Rainy Days

I love and hate rainy days all at the same time. Love them because I can curl up with a book or a movie marathon and just waste the day away. That would all be great if I hadn't skipped the gym yesterday. I should really go but motivation on a day like today is low. And really I love going to the gym I am always motivated to do just about anything after I have gone. I am really glad I have started going to the gym. I am feeling muscle groups that I have never felt before. Either that or they are tumors.:)

Ok well off I go to the gym

Six degrees of Bullshit.

It is so very true that the world is such a small place. I have been insomniac and been perusing my friends myspace pages and finding more and more of them have on their friends pages people who in the past have rejected me. It's been fun. Really it's actually funny in a way. It's interesting to know that people are still connected to you one way or another whether you want them there or not. So this is where boredom has taken me. Ah life. Just think in 29 minutes its a new day. :)

Word 2

So I have been very apprehensive about leaving my current job. Not that I would really feel bad leaving coworkers high and dry in my absence, but that I would in essence leave some great kids behind. As much I may tease them and even complain about them they are the best part of my job. But the fact still remains on what they are paying me my savings will be depleted in 2 months tops. This is a savings I have been building for almost 2 years and in the span of 6 months has dwindled to almost nothing. Now I am not one who has lived in a lavish life style but come on it would be nice not to have to worry about buying milk because it may cause my rent check to bounce.

I have applied for an awesome job with VSA arts of Indiana. I am very excited about this job and I hope I get it. It is so much of what I would love to be doing. Plus as an added bonus it is mere blocks from my home. I would be to the point were I could get rid of my car. I would never do that but how nice would that be? I am 31 for god sake I should be making more. The School is totally taking advantage of me. They are stealing my education, experience, talent and love for this job. The sad thing is I am very good at teaching and I like more that I thought I would but I can't live on the street and teach so I guess I have to choose. Damn life. Oh well, I am sure whatever I find I will love as well.

Oh, Kickboxing, yea totally kicking my ass. But I am loving it. I didn't work out today because my muscles are so tired but I haven't felt this good in years.

Word

So I guess I have found a new way to stave off boredom. I am currently rehydrating after a run in with my friend Jack last night. I woke up around 6 still drunk never a good sign went back to bed for a few more hour. I feel much better. I don't think I am going to make it to the gym today. Had I not drank so much I would have but alas it was not meant to be.

So funny story, some of my students last night started a rumor that the guard instructor and I were dating. Actually their words were "Drunk hook up" I just laughed. This rumor took roughly 3 minutes to get through all the kids in the band. Later I found out that the kid who started it followed the accusation up with this question "Do you think Maestro's Life Partner will be ok with this?" I was worried the kids were really that dumb but hey they do pick up on things. I am never going to come right out and tell them, but the can speculate all they want. As long as it doesn't interfere with my teaching I don't care.

Ah life.