one year

It is amazing what can happen in a year and what doesn't happen. I am living in a new place. Still single, still working the same job for the same craptastic pay. Still minus one parent. I have to say it took a long time for me to be somewhat comfortable with Charles' death. I am not sure I am still. When my father died last year a lot in my life changed and yet so little has. I have done more writing and submitting of music for contests and commissions. I have gone to the gym and become dedicated to making my body a healthier place. Even with all those changes I still feel like nothing has. I am sure I am just saying most of this because of the time of year and what today means but I am still very lonely. I know I have friends and I love them so much. I even have had friends move back to the area, which is quite the opposite of how it usually happens. I think I find someone to date and make a connection with but that usually falls apart. Oddly enough it has lately made me more determined. I don't know if that is just foolish of me or not but oh well. Just so much to take in I wish I could say big things have happened in my life. Not even little things have. Right, tomorrow is another day, right??? but why does it just seem like all the other days?

unemployable

Apparently I am completely unhirerable. I don't know which is worse getting turned down by a date or a job. Both you get excited about both you would like to see spending a lot of time with, however they do not feel the same way. Both almost always take the chicken shit way out about telling you. I am desperate to leave my current job and desperate to find a new one. Life sucks. In a major way it sucks. I cannot deal with it.

Big Nerd

I am fully aware of my nerdiness and that it has many levels. If I had a problem with this I would not be telling the following story. I went t Paige's music today to pick up a few things for my classes and they are having a big clearance sale on over stocked instruments. Lets just say if I had the money my shoe fetish would be dwarfed by my music fetish. There was just too many things I wanted to buy. Seriously I need a better paying job so I could buy all this stuff. How sad is that.

Drinking

So again last night my friend Jack and I had a good time. I enjoy drinking but this is the second Friday night in a row that I have drank a little too much. My friends and I met and predrinked before heading to a party at another friends. We really were not sure how this party was going to go over. It was a Clue party. The concept in and of itself was a tricky one to get psyched up for. Anyone who knew me in college knew how obsessed I was with this movie. Whenever there was a movie night at Maesto's place it was Clue and something else. Band trips I would bring Clue much to the chagrin of my fellow bandmates. But even with all of that I was a bit trepidous about going. So much could have gone wrong and so very badly. But I must say it was much better than I thought it would. Maybe that was because of the copious amounts of booze in me, who knows but at the time I really meant it when I said that I had a good time.

We went out after that and I again continued drinking. Maybe I should not have but I did. That was the closest I had ever been to passing out from drinking too much. I did have enough sense to put down the drink and take myself home. I am not really sure how I got into bed but there I was at 7:30 this morning still a little drunk. I got up and god knows how made it to the gym. Kudos to me if no one else will say it.

Ah at least with all the drinking I can still get to the gym. A life goal continues.

Not a Typical Homo

So aside from many other reason I am a bad homosexual the fact that I do not care for costume parties or dressing up for halloween. I have been invited to a sudo costume party this evening. We were given characters to play but no descriptions of who we are to be. So all this ambiguity has left me at a loss. As I am just now looking at the invite I don't think I am who I had asked to be. With the dwindling options a plastic sergeon was one of them. I asked to be that but the name on the invite leads me to believe I am someone else. With a name like Poindexter, and here is a problem point it is spelled differently in two different places Hide on the envelope and Hyde on the invitation. This could be done quite differently, on the one hand I could be a gittery nerd who likes to stay out of the way or I could be a nerd who becomes his alter ego a la Nutty Professor or a more classic Jeckle and Hyde. So that still leaves me with many alternatives how do I do this? Or do I feign sickness and stay home. :) I will never say this again but damn I wish there was a football game tonight I had to go to.

so now what?

So it has been an interesting day. I went in late to work because well I wasn't needed and I just didn't want to be there. I have so checked out. I have to get this job or another one soon I don't know if I can take it there much longer. I am just so tired of the person I am working with. Apparently before I got there she was discussing our differing philosophies in music education with our Paige's rep. Who when I was helping him out with some of the instruments he told me of the conversation. He saw valid points in both sides. He did say mine was more educationally based, though nice to hear I didn't need the confirmation. I know mine is more educationally sound and best for the kids and the program, what did it for me was saying the following."Well not only is it the better choice it makes me full time and keeps me here. Her plan does not." Just once again reinforcing the fact that she will not do anything to save my job, because it inconveniences her. Her comfort is far more important. Well I hate to tell her if I leave her comfort goes down the drain so she looses either way. I am just tired of fighting with her so I am not I am just putting in the bare minimum and going from there. When I find a job I will give my two weeks and take off. I love the kids but not enough to move in with my mother.

btw I did go to the gym :)

Blah Rainy Days

I love and hate rainy days all at the same time. Love them because I can curl up with a book or a movie marathon and just waste the day away. That would all be great if I hadn't skipped the gym yesterday. I should really go but motivation on a day like today is low. And really I love going to the gym I am always motivated to do just about anything after I have gone. I am really glad I have started going to the gym. I am feeling muscle groups that I have never felt before. Either that or they are tumors.:)

Ok well off I go to the gym