Todays blog is brought to you by the word "Sardonic"

I successfully made it to the gym this was the point I was afraid I would just stop going. This being the first day that I have had a complete day of classes and then came home and actually got my butt to the gym. Of course this was at 5pm. I was really worried about this because I hate going when it is crowded. I mean good for the Y if it is crowded. They do good work and this is a great source of income for them I would hate for no one to go.But I am selfish non the less. I like empty gyms it's just easier for me to get what I need to get done. Also I hate looking like a fool so I never try new equipment unless I am alone or am pretty certain that the other people there are not secretly saying "What an idiot he is doing that all wrong." I like to take my time and learn to use things properly and I feel like a doof most of the time when I start something new. I know that's shallow but give me this people. I am like this with my music I hate sight reading in front of people and practicing. I want people to think I played it that well all the time every time. It may be shallow but mostly insecure. If there was a way to go to the gym for 5 months with no one looking and just show back up, in my mind people will forget how fat I have been for the last 8 years. But I know not likely to happen. This mentality is, I am sure, why I am always nervous to let people hear my music. I never think it is good enough and probably never will. Now I do get to points with it where I like it and I think it's ok but never as good as I would like. I guess being a perfectionist can be a good thing but from time to time it can stun my into inaction, which is not a good thing. Ah well my neurosis, my problem.

I have come to think that maybe I blog too much. I don't think people are really that interested in my life or what happens to me. But you know I really enjoy from time to time reading other peoples blogs, mostly because it keeps me up to date with their lives. I hope this does the same for my friends. So maybe I do but I do write private journals almost as much as blogging if not more. I find that writing down even the most mundane things can be very therapeutic. Also If sometimes help me use new words. I also like to try out new words on the kids. One of the students today said I was mean. I replied "Mine is a sardonic wit." He looked at me confused and I said to look it up. I saw him a few periods later and he said "So like I said you are mean." I just chuckled and said "And I am helping you on your SAT's. He just laughed and kept right on walking.