Thursday, August 28, 2008

What a f@#$ing long day

I just got home and if any one cares to note the time it is 9:30 pm. I left the house at 6:30 am. Yes today was a marathon day. Though only a half day of classes, I had to sessions of meet the teacher. The first was at 1 this afternoon and we were done around 3:30 I had some stuff to work on so I stuck around at 5:30 they feed us and then at 7 we started another round of meet the teacher. I don't have an 8th period so I ducked out before the parents started clogging the exits. I am so very tired. It was good though, I like the parents for the most part.

Now comes the big fun. So we teacher spent a lot of time at school and late mind you so what do we get to do tomorrow? Well another half day of classes and then professional development. To help our inevitable sleepy state what do they bring us? An Open Bar? No, god I wish. A trip to the circus? No, a roller coaster ride? No, a speaker about the developing mind of a teenager? Yes, snooze fest. I tell I am probably fall asleep during this thing a 2 hour lecture. Are you kidding me. The one thing I am making sure is that my phone is charged and there are people to text because damn I plan on being bored.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Things change

and that is good I think.

So after having a conversation with S, in which she asked "Why would you want to be in charge of an organization that is so dysfunctional?" That was of course her response after going through a long litany of problems with the Big Gay Band and the fact I am auditioning for the conductorship. I had to think about it another day and I came to the conclusion that I really didn't want to. I had sat and watch how over 3 years the group has gone through conductors and how we have treated one another and really it's not going to get better and I can only change my behavior, I can't change theirs. To an extent I have changed, before I would bitch along with everyone and get upset. Now I show up, play and occasionally say wtf? But even that isn't fun. Mostly because I see how miserable my friends are in it and that is no fun. So why should I stay. I am hard pressed to find a reason. I like to play but I am confident I can find other venues.

So here I bid the Big Gay Band goodbye and good luck.

So in more upbeat news I am turning 33 in 10 days. I have absolutely no clue what I want to do. I think instead of doing something with all my friends I am going to break it up and do it in smaller groups. Because let's face it, not all of my friends get along, which is fine and I accept that. I would love for all of my friends to like each other for the same reasons I like them but alas never going to happen. Getting my friends together is like watching a 6th grade dance. Boys on one side and girls on another and the two shall never meet. Even in the few times they do it's again like watching 6th graders mingle, no eye contact and stammered conversations. So many oportunities this coming week and weekend to be with people I love.

Oh god that was kinda sappy wasn't it. Ok try this: So many opportunities to have free meals.

Ah that feels better.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Unexpected evening.

So my friend S texts me on Sunday asking to crash at my place Monday and she would explain when she got here. I figured something had gone awry with her family and could no longer stay with them. I was a good guess but no. It had to do with an old friend of hers and the condition of the home. Let's just say I will never feel bad about the way I keep house. I was happy to house her anytime. I had decided to keep things simple and take her to Bazbauex a pizza place downtown and so very good. When she got her she told me that she had pizza the night before I suggested another place I had been trying to get to since it opened last January. It was still very early so I suggested seeing the Library. The library had just reopened after a lengthy and expensive expansion. I love the new library and was a good choice because we ended up getting a couple of books and sitting down with some tea and reading and chatting. I was such a great way to spend my evening. It started getting late and we decided to go to a place near by, the Elbow Room. Usually the service is bad and the food very good. Well the service was great and the food good, except about 20 minutes after we ate we stopped for some tums and I had to use the facilities. After relieved ourselves we walked back to my apartment.

This is where the story get fun. As we approached the front door of the building my new neighbor, scratch that my new hot neighbor was approaching with an arm load of things. I said to wait and I would get the doors and then we help him carry up some of his things. I even got a glimpse into his apartment. Nicely decorated so maybe if I work it I could see more of it if you know what I mean. I also got his name.

Anyway we get back and it is pretty late and we stay up talking. She headed out with me this morning. It was so pleasant and unexpected. I love when shit like that happens.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Ok So apparently if you search google for "isaac hayes funeral chruch bulletin" my blog is the first on the list. I know right? Also welcome reader from Japan who I am sure got here on accident and will never read that greeting. Ah well.

Also some other random funniness, is that really a word? I guess it is because spell check didn't pick up on it but it did find that the person searching for Isaac Hayes Funeral info spelled Church wrong. Anyway click on this link it is safe for work but it does have sound so do what you normally do at work to watch this. Just wait for Skeletor I think that might be the best.

Belligerent Gay Driver, fact or fiction?

This installment is given as evidence that these things really do happen to me. On his latest adventure our hero had a passenger, Blanche. Yes she was a witness to the shenanigans this time around.

driver who decided to pull into the intersection and stop. Why stop you ask? Well she must have seen oncoming traffic and knew she wouldn't make the turn or the drive straight across. Either way kudos for not As BGD picked up trusted friend he found himself almost immediately faced with and ignorant causing an accident, by pulling into traffic. Kudos retracted and a one finger salute given to the cunticle who just sat there half in my lane and just looked at me as if no biggie. Dumb bitch.

While on our way to friend Romeos for a Mojito party given by his roommate and roommates bf. We discovered someone who was either missing a chromosome, a handful of brain cells, or was attempting to commit suicide by just standing in the middle of the street. Standing there as if it were the sidewalk and she was waiting for the bus. Who knows maybe all three of those things are true. At this point Blanche looks at me and says "Wow you really don't make this shit up do you?" At that point I demoed how one can flip off a driver, turn the wheel and honk the horn all at once. I said I could probably even get a text sent as well.

You would think this would be enough Jackassery for one 15 minute drive but oh no we also have some Jackhole pull out in front of me and proceed to slow down at very close range.

Yea this stuff is real and this is why I am an angry driver. Just remember everyone I am a pretty decent shot when the target is moving so just pray I don't ever get a hand gun. I may for go the single finger salute.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wasting time.

Because of an assembly today my 2 prep periods got put back to back. So instead of delegently prepping for the rest of my classes today I decided to do this instead. I feel this is a better use of my time anyway. The classes are reduced to about 35 minutes so I think I can tread water for most of that.

So I have found that most of the students think I don't swear and if you know me and my frequent usage of words like fuctard or cunticle, you know this to not be true. So it made it very funny this morning when I get to school this morning and 2 of my favorite seniors that just graduated stopped by the office. I closed the door and we were talking and I noticed that I was just dropping swear words left and right. Normally this is how I would talk if I was frustrated and I was but these two had never heard me do that. I look at it this way, they are not my students anymore I don't really care. I don't think they did either they were just finding it very amusing.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Not much to do and no day I have to be up early. I also plan to hit the gym seriously this weekend. I have gone twice this week because I have been afraid to step on a scale after Vegas and my eating habits went to hell and my frequent use of the gym went to nothing. But yesterday I stepped on the scale before heading to the Pride mixer and woo hoo I am 216. Consider I started at 232 this is very good. Before Vegas my last weigh in was 219. So I am trying to convince the Mean Girls to give it another try at the Biggest looser thing. Not so much that I want to win but I would like the motivation. And winning is nice. I somehow became the defacto winner. But that is good.

So we will see.

Tonight we are going over to Romeo's because his roommate is having a mojito party and whenever there is free booze I am there. So hey maybe there will be a drunken blog entry later. *fingers crossed*

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So very tired

So Tuesday night I decided to go out late (late for me during school is 9:30pm) and met Mom and the boys for a few minutes at the metro. I paid for it the next morning. I got up yesterday exhausted at 5:45 am. Showered, fixed lunch, got dressed, put all my work back in my bag and drove to work. Ran to my office printed off a few things, fixed three instruments, pulled 2 mouthpieces from horns, got music for two people and grabbed an arm load of extra charts and then headed to the field. It is now 6:45am I get to the field and am bombarded by questions most of which I can't answer at that moment. I get through my day of classes and meet Mom to give her some cd's, I'll tell you about those later. I force myself to the gym and come home make a sandwich and then go to bed at 9pm how sad is that. So this morning I wake up still completely exhausted. Man I need to do something different because I am draggin' ass today.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Is it bad...?

The apartments I am in are resurfacing the parking lot and have been plastering the building with signs saying to move your car out of the lot on Tuesday or it would be towed at the owners expense and they even put the bulletin on the car windows. So really everyone had plenty of notice. So today when I leave for BGB and 10 cars, yes I counted, are still in the lot I am hoping that they stay there and get towed. Sadly when I return from BGB they are all gone. My hope is they were towed but I really know the owners probably just moved them. Is it bad that I wanted to see them towed. I was just getting giddy at the thought.

Yes I know I am evil.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Oh My god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...

oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DSW is now selling shoes online. When did this happen? Why did no one tell me? When I first signed up for the rewards card(yes I have a rewards card for a shoe place) they were not selling shoes on line. I never went back because really I signed up and couldn't buy shoes there so why go back. But just now I almost deleted a promotional email until I noticed online clearance. What's this? maybe they are just doing clearance online but that was enough for me and so I clicked on the link and holy crap they had everything there. I perused and then blocked the site from my computer.

Oh this is dangerous people I think I need to find a sponsor and a support group.

Alright back to unblock and shop laters.

Oh who am I kidding I have had the window open the entire time I have typed this.

Further Tales of Belligerent Gay Driver

When we last saw our hero he was probably flipping someone off. Today we find him being much calmer. When the jackhole on Binford turned right in front of him and made him slam on his breaks and hoping the line of SUV's behind him wouldn't slam into the trunk. He simply swore to himself. I honestly think he was in too much shock that the dickwad would pull that kind of move on that road during rush hour to give the one finger salute and lay on the horn, which is what would normally happen. Later in his drive home idiot number two was taking up two lanes of traffic now normally Belligerent Gay Driver wouldn't care as long as they were going faster, behind him or in another state but this jerk off was in fact in front and moving at a snails pace. But today BGD just gunned it around as soon as the opportunity presented itself and then slowed down in front of the jerk. Satisfied he moves on, this time to gentleman who pulled out of a parking structure at lightening speed about hitting our hero and then gunning past him only to slow down and then turn without a signal. This is where our hero springs to action with a finger out the window a hand on the horn and the battle cry of "Look jackass it's called a turn signal, to signal other drivers you are turning you fuctard." Yes all of this in a 15 minute commute. Who says adventures have to be epic.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Lots to talk about.

What I like about this blog is being able just to recap my day so often I will forget about things that interested me if I don't write them down. So this is helpful I also keep a separate journal that I believe Blanche is afraid of because who knows what I say in that one. :) But this is nice if for no other reason than for me to look back and read, nice memories that way.

Anyway so yesterday was a good day so much was going on. We had our first school mass of the year. To say the Catholic Church and I have had a falling out would be a colossal understatement. The parting of the ways happened almost three years ago at my fathers funeral. The priest that officiated the funeral represented to me the future of the church and he was a dip shit. So I want nothing to do with that church or really any church these days. But the priest at our school is truly a wonderful man. Example, during our faculty meeting on Tuesday a discussion on diversity of the school came up and how little we know of the 20% non catholic students culture and even the cultures of those who are catholic. To emphasis the point the moderator was using different traditions in weddings. Most of them I had seen or knew about. When the moderator made the comment that she personally believed the Man to be the head of the family, Father shot his hand in the air and begged to differ. He said that it was the responsibility of all members of the family to participate fully. When responsibility was abdicated to one person that is when things fall apart. I really had never in my life heard a priest make such a statement before. He also went on to ask if there was no Man in the family who then would run it. I suspect he would have also said if there were two men what then. Because when I was in college his church was the only catholic church in Indy that ran a group for homosexuals and I asked around and it wasn't a conversion group it was there to talk about how to be gay in the catholic faith. Which let me tell you have never found. I know there have been those who have but I have never found it and at this point in my life I don't think I even want to. The church I knew growing up has all but disappeared. One of my favorite things was midnight mass, and now they still call it midnight mass but start at 10pm. And that isn't the only thing they have changed but you know that is fine. I can live without it. So yea this priest I really dig, for being the age of dust he is a very forward thinking man and really reflects a different path of the church one that I feel is more in tune with the people than the pope. So that was mass.

This week I had been coming home and cashing out on the couch right after school but yesterday I wasn't going to let that happen I avoided that by not going home. I just stayed at school and did some work and then went to a recital. The recital was for a student of mine who just graduated and is heading to IU to be a piano performance major. He is one of the most gifted piano players I have ever taught. He is also a very fine trombone player. I say all this with he is 18, there are older better players but for his age and time on each instrument beyond average for that age. His true talent is in Jazz, he understands progressions better than I do. So when he was giving a recital I knew I had to be there. It was phenomenal, I wish I had had half that talent before heading to school. I also wish I could say I had more responsibility for his musical development but so much of it was his own desire to get where he is. I wish him the best of luck at school and I hope someday I can get a free copy of his cds. :)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

1 down...

179 to go.

The first day of school went well. Of course the first day is nothing going over syllabi's and waiting to see who will drop or add. Like my 3rd period who most of where in the wrong section they were in Theory 2 but had never taken Theory 1 (the prerequisite) the one who had taken Theory 1 decided not to take Theory 2 and the one girl who "tested" into Theory 2 thought it would be better to take Theory 1. So that entire just switched to a Theory 1 class. It took about half the period to figure all that out. Theory 2 was a class I created last year to teach and when the schedule came out this year Special K was assigned to teach that class. I said "ummm wait that is my class." So they switched me to that and gave her my Applied Music class that can drive me to drink at times. That made me smile. It gets better though. I am already teaching 6 class periods a day with a study hall duty. Special K is also doing the same and one of her classes was 2 different classes in the same period. Well I had somehow eliminated one of my classes by getting kids into their correct classes. I tell you after the day I had I should be a guidance counselor. So I struck a deal with Special K. That I would take the Theory class she had to teach so she would only have one class that period if she would take the Jazz band that met in the morning. She said yes. So I started the day with 2 jazz bands, Concert/Marching band, Theory 2, Theory 1, Applied Recital, Independent Studies, and String Orchestra That is 8 classes to prep for, so now I have 1 Jazz Band, Concert/Marching, Theory 1, Applied recital, Indy Study, and Orchestra 6 classes I have to prep for. I know it sounds like I should shoot myself but this is much better trust me. Especially since I devised a way for the Independent studies kids to write their own syllabus and curriculum's and lesson plans, as part of their grade. I love it. Laziness is the mother of invention. Actually I think it will be a good learning tool for them, I hope it may backfire altogether.

So that was day one, here's hoping it stays relatively stress free. Yea I know... at least if it's stressful you may find it entertaining.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I am not sure...

Looking back at my entry for the Chicago trip I came to the conclusion that our trips are either really boring or I have gotten used to the shenanigans that go on that I over look them when recounting them. I must view them like I do breathing, I know it happens I just don't take note of it every time it happens. So when I forget to tell you about the fact we almost missed our train twice or that not one but two celebrities died or that FN was overly flirty with new people or Romeo said something silly or Blanche did something stupid or I was moody. It's because all that is so second nature to our trips. Everything about our personal foibles is pretty par for the course and so is a celebrity death watch or sudden death of a celeb. But we had 2 celebs die this weekend, so a moment of silence for Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. I am sure when we were heading home the celebrity community breathed a sigh of relief.

Now as for missing our train that was pretty funny. As I was running out my door quite literally I got a call from FN saying that Romeo was running late and that I had a few extra minutes. I thought, great now I can run to the store and grab a bite to eat. Well apparently noon on a Friday is the time to do your weekly shopping at the downtown Marsh. As I stood with a banana and a coke zero in my hand I got into a line that never moved. there were a grand total of 3 lines open and roughly a thousand people who needed to check out. The funniest, I say funniest but I meant infuriating, part was that each of the 3 lines had people with over flowing carts and then a line of people with one or two items. One guy actually had 2 carts. The line I was in the women was using vouchers that were from the looks of it worth only $3 each and each one had it's own transaction system and 3 employees had to be there to help. You could only scan 2-3 items then print up the receipt and then sign the voucher and have an employee sign it that lather, rinse, repeat. I stood for 15-20 minutes and never moved. I put down my items in line and left. So with that and Romeo running late we had lost our 30 minute cushion and so we couldn't make any unnecessary stops. We were doing well on time except we hit traffic that moved at a snails pace. The funny part was that as we pulled up there was our train. Of course by the time we would have gotten the luggage out and Blanche and Romeo had their cigarettes we wouldn't have made it. So we decided we had 2 hours till the next train lets get lunch. So in East Chicago there is no restaurants, which baffles me because there are a lot of fat people there. so we used all of our 2 hours to find a McDonald's and barely make it back in time to catch the second train. Had it been on time I am not sure we would have made it, which would have just been pathetic on our part. But we made it and all was well.

Wow I was right we are just really boring.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Teacher detention 08

Yes another year is upon my and yet again I found myself in the faculty meeting from hell. Though I must say it wasn't as bad as last year. At least we were not driven to a different location. The day started with a mass and then on to important things. Like blah, blah, blah, crap I don't care about. 3 hours later we had lunch.

Really the whole day just drug on I was so happy when it was over. Not that there was a lot of stupidity, unlike last year. It was just boring. A colegue pointed out that there was no coffee and stated "Don't they know we need coffee because we are not used to being up this early yet." "And it's so damned boring." I added. And it was.

Last year we had an instance where one simple piece of information had to be repeated 9 million times because people were just to stupid to live. Example..."This year first period tardies will be different. Instead of sending students back to the front office to get a pass you will simply mark them tardy in the computer and we will track it in the front office and handle the detentions from there." Simple right? Well apparently this was too much to process because this is what happened next.

Fuctard 1 "So do we send them back to the office if they are late?"
Moderator: "No, just mark them late and we will take care of it."
Fuctard 2: "So when do we give them detentions?"
Moderator: "You don't we will take care of it."
Fuctard 3: "When they come to my class late for first do I send them back down to the main office to get a pass?"
Moderator" "No."
Fuctard 1: "Do we email the front office that people are late?"
Moderator: "No just put it in the attendance program on your computer we will take it from there."
Fuctard 4: "So how do the detentions work, do we hand them out?"
Moderator: "No, we will handle it in the front office."

Now imagine this going on much like this for 20 minutes. So you would understand my frustration when during a presentation about how to make the school a little more green when I believe fuctard 1 asked this question. "So could someone go over first period tardies again." It was bad enough that she had asked that question but what I would like to know is how that had to do with keeping the campus more environmentally sound unless she meant for me to bludgeon her till she died and we used her as organic fertilizer. I swear Teachers make the worst students. I know I was texting for most of the meeting, doodling and talking with my neighbors for most of the time. I was just so bored I was so very close to pulling out a book and reading. Maybe I will do that for our next faculty meeting.

There and back again.

So we made it to Chicago and back in one piece. Spent much of my time this last weekend in a bar and with people I know from Indy. We joked about how this was Greg's North and really not too far off from that. I really enjoyed myself and I am really solidifying that I am such a solitary person and am very fine with that. I spent quite a bit of time away from the boys and really contemplated getting away on my own sometime in the future. I do worry that I will turn into a hermit. Though it is nice to know that I can navigate myself pretty much wherever I need to go and take care of myself. I can also keep myself occupied and entertained. It was a pretty tame weekend all in all. No raging displays of stupidity.

Though I am still amazed at how some people will put themselves out there. Example Sunday night Blanche, Romeo and I were up on the top deck of Sidetracks and sitting on a bench. A man came up and started talking with us, of course Romeo abandoned ship and started texting ignoring all that was happening. Blanche continued talking to the man I gave a pleasant hello. I really had no desire to converse with him. Well Blanche felt I needed to have better relations with this man who was obviously interested because I had at this point twice removed his hand from the inside of my shorts. I was trying to be nice but I absolutely hate when people feel they have the right to invade my personal space. A hand on the shoulder or arm around the waist that is completely different but a hand digging for gold in my pant legs is completely different. I mean good for this man for going for what he wanted but really get the hint and take your hands of my penis.

Aside from Blanche being the worst wing man in history all went well. On the trip I attribute that to the fact I didn't stay with them the entire weekend.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The return of Jack to my life.

So last night in the midst of needing to do lots of things before heading to Chicago this weekend I decided to go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch with some friends. I wasn't planning on going out after but I did. I went over to the Metro and ended up hanging out with two friends from High school who had also been at the movie. These two where in the grades behind me but they were always good times. In general I didn't mind the people in my class and there are about a handful that I would like to keep steadier conversations with but that is not enough to make me want to go to class reunions. I went to the 5th and got plastered and didn't go to the 10th and I am not really planning to make it to the 15th next summer. Dear god that was a long time ago.

Anyway back to my story. I am sitting there at the metro and they are doing Karaoke last night and sometimes after singers the host likes to offer shots to those who scream and cheer the loudest. Last night he just said over the mic "Who wants a shot?" and no body said anything so I raised my hand and Yoplait calls me by name to come up to get a shot. I didn't think to much about it but a little later my friend Holly asked if I came here a lot. Then I thought about the fact that the bartender, girl at the door checking IDs and the host of karaoke all knew my name. So yea I guess I go there a lot.

FN and Romeo also were there though I actually never caught back up with them. I spent most of the night hanging with my old friends and some new ones. Yes the acquaintances that I talked about that had their 3rd anniversary were out last night and we ended up chatting and hanging out. Like I said before I really like this couple and would like to become friends with them. It was the first conversation that I actually had with them. It wasn't just idle bar chit chat, so that was nice and refreshing. Maybe it was the 3... wait 4 jack and cokes I had but I had a good time. So by 1:30 am on a Thursday night I stumbled home and went to bed. I got an hour ago and am finishing my laundry before we head to Chicago for market day. Good time. I am sure we will have plenty of stories when we get back.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Grossly under estimating heat exhaustion.

Ok yes I know I shouldn't have agreed to do the camp this week because I am beyond dead on my feet. Even though I am sitting down right now. I love my friend to death and would do anything to help her out but I think I will take a pass on a second band camp next year. The extra money will be nice but really I could use the rest more.

So another school year is upon me and I think I am ready for it. There are a few things I am not looking forward to but over all I am up for it.

Chicago tomorrow and I am just looking forward to getting out of town and it not being around a bunch of teenage band geeks. Just middle aged gay former band geeks lol. Yes I find it funny that so many of my friends end up being former high school band members. I am sure it has something to do with birds of a feather.

Yes I am tired and foolishly I made plans for tonight but am very much looking forward to it. Now I am not a fan of Musicals but there are exceptions to that and Hedwig and the Angry Inch is one of them. I heard about this before it made it to the big screen in 2000 when I went to The American Musicological Associations convention in Toronto and went to the Gay and Lesbian sessions and one was on Hedwig. After that I read an article about in Rolling Stone Magazine. A few years later it made it's way to the big screen. A great story about a young gay man who had a sex change operation to get out of East Berlin with his GI boyfriend. Of course it was a botched operation hence the angry inch and his bf left him in Junction Kansas and that is when it starts going down hill for Hedwig. If you haven't seen it you should. It was a brilliant film and totally underrated. It so didn't get the recognition that it deserved.

Anyway I am going with my friend Holly and FN super excited.

I should probably get ready for that.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

So very tired

So what does one person need to recover from a week of band camp? More Band Camp! So foolishly I agreed to help a friend with her band camp this week. I am actually very happy to do so. I am just not sure I am being very effective. I am still so very wiped from last week. Normally I wouldn't be this bad but I did a lot more podium time last week then I normally do. This week is thankfully not an overnight camp I can actually go home to a real bed at the end of the day. So that is nice. The kids at this camp are doing a great job, they are a band that is growing and developing. At this point in time it is still 7-12 grade. Most bands just do 9-12, it's just cruel to put those young kids through this. Freshmen are awkward enough in their own bodies, you should see a 7th grader trying to march and play at the same time. My friend would like to phase out the middle schoolers over time but if she did it now she would have 10 kids in her band. They really have come a long way since last years band.

So tonight was my audition for the big gay band. Here is my complaint and I will only say this once. I sent my resume in before the deadline, and yet this last week they have received another resume and a verbal interest in the position. They are going to interview the new resume and who knows what with the verbal. Here is my thing the deadline was the 30th of May. If I were not the one up for the audition I think I would be a little more vocal about it because this just seems weird to do that. The deadline is a deadline do it or don't this last minute stuff is crazy but whatever. This is the last I will say of that.

Hopefully I will get back on here before heading to Chicago this weekend. I am looking forward to seeing my ex and hanging out with the boys for Market days.

Ugh 6am will come too soon.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Taking a moment for myself

I tend to be a little more introspective than what is probably healthy for one person to be. I find it keeps me from enjoying the moment more often then not. Yesterday was in fact a fun day and evening. Last night I went to a party for some new acquaintances who were celebrating their 3rd anniversary. They are in fact wonderful people I really like them a lot. These are people I would like to become friends with. I find this true of most of the new people I have gotten to know this summer. Unfortunately I reflect upon many of my friendships and how so many of them are very deep connections to people. People I feel are truly family to me. As I was saying to my friend Sarah a few weeks ago about going to her place in Iowa again for Thanksgiving I said I should really spend time with my family this year and maybe next year spend it with people I truly love. I said it jokingly but it is true. I love my mom and to an extent my brothers and their wives and children I feel much closer to the people I spent Thanksgiving with last year. With the people I have met of late there isn't much more than just surface conversations. As I have said about my late friend Charles he didn't just ask "How are you doing?" He would ask "How are YOU doing?" with a sincere concern as to my well being. True, friendships like that are developed over time and don't just pop up like a Starbucks on the corner, but the new people in my life right now just seem so hollow. I just begin to wonder what is the point. There are just some people that I look at and don't see myself calling on a whim and asking to dinner.

I know the following statement isn't true but I have often stated that I feel like such a tag-a-long with my friends and these days it's less about being a tag-a-long and more as a prop saying, "see I can be friends with people accept me." I know that is not true, but I do feel like an accessory. Also I get a weird feeling that they are dragging me into the situations because they feel they have to for whatever reason.

I have become more active in the community because I want to help and do some good. With that I have some how been spending more time with the people that also do the volunteering and organizing. They are great don't get me wrong but I just feel like an interloper on this circle of friends that has been long established. I just feel awkward. It's like this, when an invitation is issued to one of us it is understood that we all would be there. I hate that. I want to be invited because they genuinely want me not because they feel obligated.

As I write this I am reflecting on my many of circles of friends and in none of them do I need to impose myself into them. They are all very welcoming and inclusive. Never do I need to force myself into a conversation or social situation. With this new group it's not that they are rude or not welcoming, but for the most part I feel they just want to ignore me because they don't know me. I find it fascinating as a social experiment. Outside of Blanche, FN, Romeo and mom no one really engages, I mean really engages. I have never had to work so hard to interact with people in my life, it's kind of exhausting. Again I would like to clarify I don't feel that any of them are intentionally being rude or obtuse, I just get an odd vibe from them.

The other thing that has been disturbing me lately is that I have become disappointingly adept at being alone in a crowd. Though a skill no doubt, but still disconcerting that I can become so detached from the humanity that surrounds me. Though worry not for me I am fine just doing a little looking around my mental status these days.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

I feel old.

There are many reasons I feel old the biggest one is how sore I feel. I know most of it is all the standing, marching around and walking I did this week. That and the fact I was on the elliptical trainer almost everyday. The feeling of old because of soreness I can explain away but what I can't explain away is the youth of most of the staff this year. In the past we may of had one or two young people but this year we had several. The age gap was tremendous, 4 were in their mid 50's, me and the guard instructor were 32 and 28 respectively but the other 4 were 20-22, still in college or just graduated. I couldn't help but think is this what I was like at that age. So much of what came out of their mouths were things I remember saying. I remember when I started doing camps I was in college and had actually never been in or worked with a competition band. It was all very strange to me, it still is. But watching them and listening to them it just feels so long ago. I feel like I have been doing this forever. I kind of have been it feels longer than it really is. 20 some camps over 12 years. Teaching everything from guard to low brass. I am curious as to how those kids who did our camp this week view me, do I effect them the same way other band directors effected them. Is it a positive impact or a negative one. Something to think about.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Don't worry I am back.

You didn't even notice I was gone? Well screw you too.

Anyway, I had a somewhat uneventful week at camp and that is a good thing. Last year there was a lot of ridiculousness. Not so this year the Jackassery was on the low side. Lots of sun and threats of rain. I think I really enjoyed this year more than any previous band camp. Let me back us up a week. Before we leave I am told by Special K that she may need to have a knee replacement. This really wasn't the problem until she mentioned that she would be out of work for 6-8 weeks. Now one would think this would be great that I could have this band unhindered for 6-8 week. The last time she had to take significant time off I taught her classes and mine at the time we both had 2 less classes. That would be 11 classes I would have to prep for and teach for 6-8 weeks. But wait, you say, how many class periods do you have? The answer is 8 periods in a day and I would cover all but one with a class which means I would have 4 periods where I would teach two classes at the same time. To that I say, hells no! So to prevent all of this nonsense she has talked her Dr. into letting her loose some weight and try some therapy and postpone this knee repllacement for a good long while. So that meant she needed to be off her feet. Which meant I was on the mic 90% of the time this week. It is amazing what we can get done. So that is why I enjoyed this week.

Now on to the lameness of the week. The children yet again tried to prank me but wow how sad it was. First one night they put chicken bullion cubes in the shower head. Of course I turn the shower on before I even step one foot in. So I smelled it immediately and knew what was up and let it run itself clean. and then I took a shower. No biggie, so I was up for 20 minutes longer than planned, but I didn't smell like chicken. Then last night apparently the kids tied my door knob to the door knob across the hall. The kids are woken up at 6:30am I however can sleep to 7:15ish and still be fine and I do. Well they gathered at 6:30 to watch me tug at my door. Well I am still in bed and a chaperon walks by and say they thought I was already up and gone for the day. They left pissed, but the person across the hall wanted out to pee so the chaperon let him out and left the rope undone and on the floor so when I finally emerged from my room. I found a loose rope tied to my doorknob. To that I say Lame.

As we were finishing up at the field 2 of the drum majors walked over and asked if Special K and I would be in a picture with the seniors. I said yes if only all the water coolers had been dumped before I allow myself to be surrounded by 32 seniors. He said "Oh we won't be near the coolers." "Uh huh, this sounds like a set up to me." The other drum major says "It's not a set up." and starts smirking. "You are the worst liar."

So as we wind down Special K, who has been duped says for all the seniors to gather for a photo. I am standing next to my car at this point with the guard instructor and I see them charging across the field and we jump in and lock the doors. They proceed to climb onto my car and the Saran wrap me into it. That is fine it just guarantees I won't be doused with water. They finally clear away so I can drive off and take all of that off my car. I then park where they can't find me and sneak back to make sure things are getting loaded. I find out they are waiting out front of the building to throw a bucket of water on me. I go out the back and head home. So the Senior class of 09 I say, Lame!