Public Service Announcement

Good afternoon gentle readers.

It's that time of year where I feel it is my duty to do a little public out reach. It's like community service, except it's not court mandated. For those who are not aware every year there is a holiday that many people celebrate. Some even look forward to it. I am, of course referring to Singles Awareness Day. It comes but once a year and unlike other holidays you don't have to think of anyone else. You don't even have to make declarations of what you may be thankful for because chances are you are not thankful for much of anything. S.A.D. is a great day to just give the one digit salute to all those "happy" couples out there. Who are not happy because if they were some people who are attracted to the wedding band would never have dates, and they too would only come once a year.

But I digress, this year I would like to focus on some of the grand few of you who have graced my boudoir (I so can't believe I spelled that right on the first try) and brought me to this fine holiday.

First and foremost I would like to give a shout out to all the fuctards who couldn't even make the commitment of showing up for the one and only date that we scheduled. I hate to say that these are the extras in my love life, such as it is, and they are a cast of thousands. Though I barely knew you, I hate you.

Moving on. To those I truly hit it off with, you are cute, funny, smart and we have lots in common and plenty to talk about. I love those things about you, and your current boyfriend. Need I say more?

Next to those of you who are smart, funny, talented and live in a different time zone.

Well that just wiped out 97.5% of my past. Moving on to those who really matter.


...


Now that I have hit those who matter let's go to everyone else. To the Jackass who laughed in my face when I said "We have been hanging out a lot this last month and I have been having a great time. I would like to try this as more than friends." Your response "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... No" Then two weeks later when you were jealous of a friend of mine and you said you wanted to date and I said no. Who's laughing now jackass, who's laughing now? Make no mistake I am laughing so hard I am crying. Those are tears of joy and mirth my friend, not because my meds ran out last night.

To the "Happy f*#$ing birthday to me guy". We had a good month together. When on our first "date" you asked me to stay the night. Then a month later, the night before my birthday I see you out at a bar with a guy. You avoid me all night until I text and ask who was with you. You respond "It's my bf" I respond with 5 jack and cokes and "That is great, delete my number." I particularly enjoy the emails and phone calls saying that you thought we were just friends and that those weren't dates. I would still like to state for the record I do not give blow jobs to my friends especially if I had a bf. , anyone else???? That is what I thought.

To the one who lives and Chicago now and ... actually we are still very good friends and we get along great. I still think he is a good guy and miss that he doesn't live closer. So kudos to him for being a bright spot.

Moving on this is a bitter rant I can't spend time on niceties. To those under 25 and over 52 that I seem to attract I say "Your nice and all but not really what I am looking for, but thanks."

To the crazy stalker that kept IMing me online with this fun conversational style. "I hate you never contact me again." "So are you just ignoring me now?" "I said don't talk to me again." "That is so childish of you to ignore me like this, I just want to talk." Fine be a bitch I hate you just don't IM me again" "Fine I guess you don't want to talk." That of course was just one person talking I was not sending replies I was to busy reading the instructions on how to permanently block someone on that site.

And this boys and girls is why I am happy to be celebrating S.A.D. and not that other holiday that occurs around the same time.

Happy S.A.D. everyone.

Happy S.A.D.

For those of you who are unaware of S.A.D. please let me be the first to inform you of this wonderful new holiday. Those devils at Hallmark did it again, seeing the untapped market on valentine's day they invented Singles Awareness Day aka S.A.D.. This is an opportunity to get into the single market that seems to avoid February 14th altogether. When you visit the hallmark store and purchase 3 cards solely for yourself and non other then you will receive with that purchase a fifth of Jack Daniels and a plush bear. This bear is much like the bears they usually sell but they don't come in pairs or magnetized. These bears come alone and with velcro so they can attach and separate quite easily. They don't need to find a bear with a compatible magnet or a magnet at all just sit to another bear until satisfied and release. Be careful some velcro may take fur or unwanted debris from other bears. You may have to bring the bear in for cleaning at the free Hallmark S.A.D. clinic.

Alas a day for us singles where we are free to do or not do as we please any money spent on this day is strictly for you and you alone. Feel no need to placate anyone with flowers or dinner or a card. Just sit back, order a pizza, put in the porn and roll over and go to sleep whenever you want without talking or cuddling.

Happy S.A.D. everyone except married people or those in relationships you have your day leave me alone.