And another Thing

What 33 year old man needs to be dating a High Schooler. Really.

I am sorry I am still just flabbergasted by all this. I would never think to discuss intimate things in my life witha a student especially a student I had a feeling had a crush on me. That is just a recipe for disaster. Seriously? I just don't get it. He had all these problems with the student and the parents and he still thinks this way. Ok maybe I am being too narrowminded Maybe I should have a tasteful announcement put in the school newspaper. Maybe we could do an assembly each year for the students and faculty that out themselves that year. The sad truth is yes people should be ok with it, but they are not and we work for a CATHOLIC school. Schools in general have a hard time dealing with it let alone a catholic one. The churches position on homosexuals has actually been getting worse over the last few years so really winning people over to the gays is not my job. Teaching kids how to write a C7 chord in second inversion, yea that would be my job. I don't go out of my way to hide it. The only part of my behavior I change for school is I don't swear infront of the kids and I don't talk about my weekend plans with them either. The way I speak and act is still the same. If they wish to infer that I am gay or straight I don't care.

Am I wrong?

Maybe I am way off base here but I have been and am still chatting with a fellow teacher at school. He also happens to be gay. He apparently had an inccedent with a student that "sexually harrassed" him last year. He apparently had been having conversations with this student about the student dating a 33 year old man. And when he told the student he shouldn't be that is when things go weird. Of course the teacher outed himself to the student. My take on the whole thing was I don't see how my personal life gay or straight has anything to do with teaching. I also said that when faced with that kind of situation that I would refer them to someone else. He asked who? I said oh I don't know someone with counseling skills and experience. He said the kid wouldn't go anywhere else because he thinks the kid had a thing for him. And I said and that is why I would have taken myself out of the situation. He disagreed. He also disagreed that me being gay had nothing to do with my teaching. What?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

Seriously, how... how I say do I need to talk about my personal life when teaching. If I were teaching a course on how to date freaky homos sure I could see that but that wasn't in the course guide last I saw. So am I wrong in thinking, as well intentioned this guy is that I will see him on the news someday.

I’m not picky, they just suck.

I have always thought of my taste in men as... let's just say picky. After this weekend and taking a hard look around, I have decided no I am not picky the men in this town just suck. I am hard pressed to find a single, quality male in this city. Oh don't get me wrong I know they are out there statistically speaking there must be. However I am hard pressed to find them. I don't believe they run in the circles I do nor do they frequent the events and places I do. I am hardly looking for the drop dead gorgeous hunk with a keen intellect and quick wit. No I am searching for something far simpler, just nice, unpretentious and not terrible to look at. I don't say this because I am necessarily looking nor am I wishing to be set up. No this all stems from so rather sobering observations. Not sobering like brought me to an uneasy realization, but sober like I hadn't drank enough. Most men in this town are either so anxious that they are pushy and obnoxious, just rock stupid, or just plain vapid whores. None of which I would like to give my time to. It's actually all good. After having people invade my home for the weekend I am glad no one else lives here it's hard to keep up the appearance that I am content living in my own filth.

Skanks, Kilts and Colts Cheerleaders Oh My!

Sadly I have been busy but really nothing to report. I guess I could give a run down but really the only exciting thing happened last night. I avoided the Bag Lady Bus Tour. If you don't know what it is you are better off. It really comes down to a long night getting on and off a bus and ridiculousness all the way around. Some of my friends went and just met them at different stops along the way. The last place they were going to I went to earlier in the evening and just kind of hung out and waited. In a lot of ways I wished I hadn't and in a some ways I am glad I did. One particular way is that I actually got to see a bar fight. Now let's just clarify that this bar is a gay bar. A gay bar around Halloween so lots of costumes. Mostly men dressed as some kind of woman. Keep this all in mind it will add to the mental picture when we get to it.

First there was the stumbling Scotsman. He was in a kilt and very drunk he fell to the floor at one point and I actually got to use the phrase "We have a piper down" and it was in context. So I texted Mom that they were missing all the fun. Not long after I sent that note that the same piper and a skanky looking girl (a real one I think) and one other guy were in a 3way head lock. It was very bizarre. They would break at moments to sissy slap fight each other then go back to a head lock. All of that as they all three stumble about the very crowded bar. Did I help break it up? No and why should I? This was the most entertainment I have had in quite some time. A few people moved at which point the scotsman throws the skank to the floor and she gets up and lunges at him hissing and clawing. Ok I am not sure if she was hissing but she could have been. Anyway back to the story. So this is when the colts cheerleaders came to the rescue. Well not really colts cheerleaders just a few burly hairy men in colts cheerleading outfits. One grabs the girl steadies himself long enough to pass his cocktail off to a friend in the wings then proceeded to put the girl in a full nelson as the other cheerleader grabs the scot and drag them both out of the bar. Now that is good times. Where else in America or possibly Canada could you get such a great floor show and with no cover.

I need a new car

So today it may very well be the end of this car. I had a nice cloud of black smoke belch forth from the tailpipe as I started up to head home. I was a bit concerned but it ran fine. no more smoke. So far we will see when I head to school in the morning.

Ok Side rant

Not really a rant so much as baffled. I am not much of a hug type person. Now there are some exceptions. People I have known for more than 10 years I am good for a hug but only if I know they are a hug type person. Usually a hello and maybe a handshake and we are good. I will never push anyone away. Well I shouldn't say that there might be a few people in the world I would but I would never get close enough for them to initiate a hug situation. With all that said I hate people in the gay community that meet and greet everyone with a hug and a kiss. They will also say goodbye that way. Are we European? I would never presume that someone would want me to touch them. Especially if I didn't know them very well. So while chatting online a random person struck up a conversation which was all well in good. Kind of boring but you know it's better than somethings that have been purposed over the Internet to me so I can't complain. Well it was all fine and good until I went to sign off and got a *hugs* from the guy. Maybe I am cynical (maybe???) but I can't stand that crap. When you don't know someone. It implies that if we were in public they would have expected or tried to hug me. The thought just makes me shudder a bit. Which I guess brings me to my point, what the hell has happened to personal boundaries? I am also galled by people who are offended that after a 20 minute conversation, where I am most likely looking for an escape route, I don't want to hug them or become remotely physical with them. It's not like I came from a family that didn't hug. We did my moms side of the family did all them time. You couldn't leave the room without hugging my grandma Russell. And like I said with people I know and am comfortable with I don't mind it. It's just total strangers I can't deal. Ah well psychos make the world turn I guess.

Boo on me

Why do I say boo on me? Well I went from a stunning 5-6 times a week during the summer gym going to a mere 1 or 2 times a week. The girls who work the front desk have been giving me a hard time for slacking off. The few times I do go in a week are for yoga. Granted yoga is good for me I should be doing more. So this week I vow to get more time in... ok to be realistic I should aim for next week since I leave Friday to go to Iowa and so that just leaves tomorrow and that will only make twice this week. I just need to get back into a routine. Or I have also decided that when my friend FN is in a routine I am not and when he is off the gym wagon I am full on. So I just need to demotivate him and that will up my gym time. Right???? That's how it would work?? Right??? ok maybe not. It's just easier to blame him. :)

Bored now

Slight frustration at work. These people do not know how to schedule. It was a nightmare today, they had a service fair and had it in the middle of the day and it was just Jacked up no one knew where the hell they were suppose to be or when. Tomorrow all of the Soph. and Jrs are taking the psats and they have never sent a schedule for that. I am going to assume that it will start at the same time school usually starts. If not I will either be late or early. I don't know when things are to start and end so this will be fun. I did a dry run of reading over the instructions and all I have to say is, no wonder I was glad to leave high school. All this testing bullshit is exhausting. It will take like 30 minutes just to fill out the form and their damned survey questions before we get to the actual test.And you have to do this shit twice once in 10th and then again in 11th grade.


Whatever!

Happy genocide day

I hope everyone enjoyed their day of genocide also known as Columbus Day. I like to look at it in the good light of human curiosity. Exploration may not have been the initial reason, all things are economically motivated, but that is what occurred when Columbus and many other fortune hunts found the continents in the western hemisphere. I also know that many of those natives were slaughtered and many died of unexpected disease. But… where was I going with this oh yes without all of that I might not have become friends with great person. Yes I was reminded yesterday that we became friends after I overheard her conversation about celebrating Columbus Day by putting three ships in her front lawn. I knew I must have this person as a friend. Columbus Day is one of those weird holidays that people don't like to recognize too much and are ashamed of liking because it does draw up images of small pox and land grabbing and countless slaughtered men, women, and children from sea to shining sea. Really makes you proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. Yes as a white male age 25-40 I am probably freer than most people. And now I am one of those who are insured and not leaching off good tax paying god fearing Americans like me. Well actually not like me I don't go in for that whole god fearing thing. I also don't think those without coverage are necessarily leaching off anyone. They have a rough sitch I should know I was one of them. I have spent more of my life without a safety net than with one. My parents were self employed and couldn't afford it and I had a job that offered it for 2 years and now this job so like 30 years without kind of a long time. But back to Columbus Day, it's hard to say I like where I live and how I live without being reminded of all those people that lost so much. I also have to look at it realistically, I didn't do it, there is no way for me to change history and so I just do the best I can to make life better for as many people as possible and go from there. So sad day for ancient cultures but I got a great friend out of it.And really isn't that what Columbus was trying to discover, a friend for me. :)

All I can say is drunk

Mission accomplished. I know that phrase has recieved a bad rep with the current administration but it is applicable. Last night I was hoping to drink myself to a new state of mind and tonight I am there. I love warm weather I can walk(stumble ) home from the bars. To recap my day High school students = drama and I am so over that. To my friend Romeo, for what it's worth sorry and it will be better. For Sarah, No I was not talking about you and when sober there will be a retraction. For all those looking for incoherent I hope that satisfied because I am so not using spell check or really looking at the screen right now.

Later all

Sorry

I am sure I am letting you down this is a completely sober blog entry. I too was hoping for something a little more incoherent. I was hoping to be a bit tipsy tonight but alas I am home sober. Boooooooooo.
The day was boring came in and mostly made copies all morning. Today was a half day and it's the Friday of Homecoming so they did all their fun crap today and the pep rally before the "big game". I use the quotes because it is always the same team. And we always slaughter them. Score at the end of the first quarter Us 35 Them 0. Yep you read that right 5 touch downs in 12 minutes. The other fun thing is that we had to start an hour behind because the other team hit bad traffic and was delayed. So we said fuck it we are leaving after the 3rd quarter. The main reason is that the homecoming dance is also going on during the football game. Game starts at 7:00 Dance starts at 8:00. Of course tonight the game started at 8:00. Most all the students had vacated the stands by the end of the half when they knew who was King and Queen. Very much like Butler homecoming. So the kids were eager to go and so was I. The third string was in tons of JV and we were still up 62 to 0 when we left at the end of the 3rd. So said I begin to root for the other side just to score... once. I feel bad for that team to drive 3 hours get the shit kicked out of them and then return home 3 hrs. When I am hearing Band kids names over the PA because they are in the game I know it's sad.
Ok and here was the kicker of the evening. So a kid got a call that a friend of his died after surgery today. Rightfully so he should be upset. He didn't go to our school but a lot of kids knew him and then several kids who didn't know the kid who had died but their friends were crying started crying too. They even announced over the speakers and had a moment to silence for the kid. Then 20 minutes later, we are told the kid is not dead. ?????? I don't know it blows my mind to. I had sent a kid home at the start of this because he was so upset. Several kids were upset and then they were told he was fine. I mean come on who does that. Who calls and says someone is dead when they didn't know for sure. Ah Drama, gotta love it. Such an interesting night.

Maybe the weekend will get better and by get better I mean I get drunk at some point.

WTF?

Yea I don't know what yesterday was all about. I think today I will let loose with a bit of my own failings. Yes I have an addiction and yes the first step to recovery is to admit I have a problem. Though this addiction will come as no surprise to anyone, if you have read any of my drunken rant blogs it will all make sense. Fried foods are my weakness in particular fried cheese. On some occasions I will leave my house late at night (9:00pm how did that become late????) and drive to White Castle and order up some cheese sticks. Yes I know why those last 20lbs of fat will not vacate the premises because of this action. Now this may sound like justification but I don't do this every night, some nights I am already in bed by 9. OK ok ok I know I should not be doing this, but they are so damned good. But but I am going to the gym, ok not as regularly as during the summer but I haven't stopped altogether so kudos to me. Of course the kudos is negated by the cheese sticks. So yes I have a problem and I am admitting to it but do I really want help? Nope. Now when I pick up meth we can talk.

Why do we do the things that we do?

Why the hell do we do anything really? In a conversation about the relative politeness of society in general I got to thinking why do we do anything. What also got me to thinking about this is that I believe it is Emily Posts birthday soon I didn't really catch the beginning of the radiocast, well would have she's dead. This is they quote the used from her, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." Here is a fine example of telling us that we need not seek acknowledgement for our deeds. Yes attention is good we all like attention, well except the kind you get when you show up naked to school, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel we do things strictly because we want someone to notice. I was having a discussion today about a study talking about people who hold the door open for others as opposed to those who do not. How we get upset when someone doesn't hold it open for us or how we don't think twice when we neglect others. We also tend to get upset when people don't say thank you when you do. Do we do it for the thanks? Because really I'd rather a tip. Seriously, we do a number of things in our lives for the credit. I understand the irony of my next statement, but how many people throw their personal lives out into cyberspace for people to gawk at and ask them to admire us for our witty commentary on life. (Ok I need to justify myself if I were indeed throwing myself out there don't you think it wouldn't be set to private so only my friends could look at it. This is easier than Christmas newsletters and phone calls. Plus you should see what I write in my real journal.) Speaking of Christmas I remember when I made the awful suggestion to my family to take the money they would have spent on the gift exchange and give it to a charity. Boy was I met with blank stares and sarcastic laughter. Yes I do get it from somewhere and my family is a torrent of snide comments and backtalk. Back to my point, at Christmas it's all about getting the most for others so they know you like them and then in return getting a huge amount. Over the years I just don't get it. I buy gifts I love giving gifts but not out of an obligation but because I want to. My gift giving can be very sporadic some years yes some years no. If I see something that makes me think of a friend and I have the money I will get it. Because I know they would like it. Sometimes it's the little things that may seem stupid to others but I hope will convey my sentiment. I gave my mother a stone with the Chinese symbol for love on it. It is to be a paper weight but I thought it was a nice gesture. Of course I had to explain it to my mom but everyone else in my family laugh and said why would you buy her a rock that's just stupid. I just rolled my eyes and had the kids not been there I think I would have just said fuck off. If I were concerned that others needed to see some grand monetary gesture I would have passed over that. It wasn't that I wanted my mother to know acknowledge the thought behind it but to actually feel it. And it makes me feel good that she has it on her night stand. To me that is better than a fuck off to my brothers any day.

ugh

I have been so out of it lately. I am home sick today. I have been feeling this coming on for days, weeks even. I have just been refusing to acknowledge it's presence in my life. Even on my free weekend I found that I needed to work, work, work, and not just be. Granted I did get a lot done that needed to be but still come on. Every part of my body aches or flat out hurts. Its 7 am on a day I am home sick and I have already sent emails to all my classes and to the subs for those classes. If I wasn't vomiting I do believe I would be there right now. This is such a far cry from college when if I felt slightly tired I was in bed and would have remained there for days to recover. I don't know if that was because I wasn't interested in what I was doing or what. I am very interested in what I am doing these days. Even though I may not love my co worker I do love the job. I actually look forward to the day, even the long and unbearably tiring days. Today would have been one of those days; there is still a part of me that says I could pull it together for the second half. But I do believe I am on the best diet ever this morning I think I have lost 5lbs and I have no appetite. lol