How to... or how not to.

So here we go I have over the years collected a goodly amount of knowledge. I feel I should share this with the world. (Those of you who know me well enough can pick up on the sarcasm right??) First lesson: how to date.

Do not talk to the insane. They are easy to spot for they are usually kept in homes for the insane.

Don't talk to crazies. Now these are harder to pick out they are not kept in holding areas like the insane. They can walk among us, though there are some pretty good indicators. If they talk about ex's and use phrases like, "He stopped returning my phone calls and then it said that number doesn't exist anymore." or "Dead flowers are better than no flowers at all." or "A restraining order doesn't mean much I mean what if we just happen to be in the same dark theatre and didn't know it. What are they going to do arrest me there too. Like I knew he had moved and that those were his bushes. And I was just cleaning the lenses on my binoculars there was no need for the handcuffs." Yea that's a crazy. ABORT ABORT. Though they may have some good drugs.

Commitmentphobes. They are really hard to pick out. Most of the time they advertise that they indeed want a relationship and are tired of the one night stands. Tread cautiously into those waters my friend. What they say and what they do are two drastically different things. Do not be discouraged when they stop returning phone calls. This is where you could become a crazy. Just let them go.

Whores. Now depending on what you are looking for they could be it for you, just know that you will have to go through many of them to have a long term relationship. Since there will be many of them don't learn their names cause it won't matter and they probably didn't give you the real one anyway, just call them whores. Of course this makes you a whore as well. Congrats. You should really start a long term with the Dr.'s at the free clinic.

People who are already in a relationship. Now if you are looking to be a guest star in an open relationship or a third in the fun threeway relationship then these are the men for you. They are committed but not to you, or really their partners. They are looking for more ass then their currant partner could provide and thus you. Give it time you won't be enough either. These are whores who are just afraid of paying bills alone.

The nice guy. Much like the commitmentphobe, if it looks too good to be true then it probably is. Many of these men don't exist. People say there are nice guys out there but for all there good intentions will probably spot you as one of the previous and in a short fit of the crazies sabotage any chance for a long lasting relationship because they have become bitter and jade because of the previous types of men mentioned above. The nice guy or gun shy as I like to call them, are hard to pin down. Move to fast and they scamper away never to be seen again. Move to slow and they become bored and move on. It's tough to predict where the balance is. That's why it's all about talking and being honest.

Ok so what have we learned boys and girls................? That's right life's not fair and it is a complete crap shoot. If you look at people and say it isn't fair that those people can have a bf and I can't. Take comfort Indianapolis has a high Syphilis infection rate so chances are they have it and they are cheating on one another and are completely unhappy. And that is what gets me through Friday nights... oh that and heavy handed drinks by Steve at OP's.