Ok some people are just crazy.

So I have been hearing about this law that the Florida Legislator passed allowing people with a licensed concealed weapon the same rights in public for self defense as a one does in their home. Now I am ok with the thought that if someone breaks into my home lets say at 2 am and threatens me I am fine with firing off a few rounds. Well except the fact I don't own a gun and am against violent confrontations, that is mostly from my allergy to pain. Anyway but now in Florida if I get into a fight with someone and they feel threatened they could just start shooting at me. We could be fighting over the last jar of olives, but if that other person felt threatened they would be within their rights in Florida to kill me at the Winn-Dixie.

Maybe I am just too liberal but I find this law to be completely insane.

God bless America and the makers of Kevlar.

America the Beautiful

While driving down the highway today I saw the bold statement of American pride and what that pride represents. A middle aged white male probably 55-60 riding a motorcycle, with a helmet plastered with American flags designed to look like flames licking the side of this mans head. Also flying proudly off the back is a small American flag flapping in the breeze. To top it all off a jesus fish just above the Honda logo. I think that not so much all the decals and whatnot on this mans vehicle it was more his behavior on the road. Yes he was safety conscience by wearing a helmet but really that concern for safety didn't go past him. He was swerving in and out of traffic cutting people off without a care in the world. Much like America we can say we are concerned for safety and protection but that really doesn't extend beyond our own borders. And the profession of faith on the back so everyone in our wake can see we love jesus and follow his teachings. Well as long as we can still get rich and I can still get my Grande Caramel Machiato every morning. Moral issues that the American public voted on this most recent election did nothing to make peoples lives better only to make some feel less uncomfortable. Where are the moral activist that say no more sick uninsured children, no more starving families that have to live in shelters. Where are the moral activists that cry out for equal opportunities for ALL children to get the best education in the world. Why not educate our children about about the dangers in the world and about respecting and protecting themselves so we don't have to have the conversation about abortions. Instead of saying just don't do it because condoms don't work so these children say well if they are not going to work why use them at all.

But instead we are a rude driver just waiting to cause an accident, but at least our head would be protected.

What to Look for?

I had a conversation with my friend Xena the other evening and she has just finished getting divorced. In the conversation I confided in her that my friends have made it their mission when we are in Florida to get me laid. Now I appreciate that my friends care so much for my sexual well being but I said to Xena, who ps and btw loved that idea, "I really don't need people to get me laid and I most certainly don't need sex from a random stranger" I continued without really thinking. "Look as long as I have a good date at least every six months I'll be good and I had one January 1st so I am good till June." Of course it hit me we will be going to Florida on June 2nd. This concerned me because I just made a statement that I can't even follow through on. I mean really honestly am I going to find someone to have a date with in the next month??? Probably not.

The sad truth of it all I have found that my love life has become stagnate, more over my whole social life has gone the way of the Dodo. I always hated those people who read self help books and always have hated the phrase "So I read in this book about meeting/making/doing insert problem in life that needs to be fixed...." I have never wanted to be that person but I have actually been reading a book about dating and finding what you want. The sad thing is the book doesn't address the main issue that I think faces all single people, first you must be happy with yourself and then find someone not to complete your life but to share your life with and them with you. So often I hear "I am looking for the one to complete me." I hate that, it implies that you as yourself is not good enough. I really dislike that thinking and it is so overplayed in our society. I mean look at any show most of the men and women on there are looking for the right fit and it's just not there. If you try to find that piece to complete you and you find it in someone and they leave does that mean you change when they come and go.

Say you are missing 25% of you and the other person only fills in 20% of you. Do you just have a hole or do they fill it with extra them? And no one thinks "How can I complete someone?" So most people are coming to the dating table needy and who needs that.

I think we should all focus on what we can bring to the table, good and bad. Because when we date it's not ala carte. You can't just date the guy who can be charming to you but leave the bitchy to the wait staff at home. So I think it is up to all of us singletons out there it to find what is good about us as well as the bad about us. I think we hate our flaws to be brought out in the light of day is because it is only when others do it we finally see them. At that point we don't want to deal and work on them we just want to be hurt and resentful that someone else pointed them out. I think the more you are aware of flaws the more apt you are to correct them. And therefore better able to cope with dating.

Now the question becomes I know why I am a great catch I just don't understand why others don't see it.:o) I understand that what I want in a relationship and a man are not easily found in the gay world especially the limited gay world of Indiana. I mean really how many intelligent, witty, honest, nonsmokers that want to have kids, men are there in the world?

I know some people that think I shouldn't ask more of a potential date then I myself am capable of but fuck that I want to be challenged by the guy I date. I would also like to challenge someone, in a good way:o), it's nice to think that you can help someone be a better person.

Frustrations

I am having a dilemma at work. Not that this is life altering stuff I am dealing with here it is just frustrating. There are a few things I am let in on the loop about and a lot I am left out of. The real problem is that Special K, the woman I work with, has a husband that is a college band director and arranges music, very well I might add, but in the past few years he has been reusing old material and giving us stock charts. Which is fine to a point. He seems to have complete control over the show for which we will be spending 3 and a half months with almost exclusively which is another issue in and of itself. The music he has picked doesn't flow well together and quite frankly is boring. I would be feeling different if my input was more than Special K asking "What do you think of these three songs" Me replying "I don't think they fit well together let me think of a few things and we can talk." The next thing I know without ever talking to me again we are doing the three she/He chose and really no regard to me. I just find this very frustrating. I don't know how to approach this without sounding like I am attacking or saying that her husband runs the decisions. Which he does. Grrrrr. They get so one track minded at times and that really bothers me. Let me in on a few things or don't even pretend to want my opinion. It's not like I am completely inept at doing these things. I have designed several shows and have done a good job. It's not like I don't know what I am talking about. Yes I have a lot to learn but I would like my thoughts and opinions at least considered.
But what do I know.

Cynical

On days like today I can completely understand how and why some teachers can loose their passion for teaching. It does become harder and harder to get excited when your students do not. I mean most teachers, educate because they are passionate about their particular subject. Just today I have been trying to make my applied music class more and more interesting. I mean honestly the way it was setup before me is pretty damned boring. The percussion unit is so tedious and frankly boring. So I have tried to inject a few things like today I had the auxiliary percussion and some hand drums and we did a drum circle, which I thought would be fun. The students however seemed bored. Of course so much of this is, "wanting to run before learning to sit up" syndrome. All I keep thinking is I have 4 more weeks of this. No I don't want them to be great musicians but hey if they can have fun in the interim that would be nice. The other thing of having 14 students in a class that was suppose to be cut off at 8 doesn't help either. Last semester I had 6 and that was just perfect my second period class is 5 and that is nice but the large one is so hard to control. It's not like traditional classes where they sit in nice neat rows and listen and interact. These kids have loud percussive instruments that they just want to beat the hell out of. I like then they are all very nice kids but damn!!!

The other bug up my ass today is the theatre director who can make all kinds of demands on these kids times and if you have something that conflicts then too bad just deal with it. Now I have been told not to directly deal with him which I find unacceptable. And if that administration is going to let him bully everyone then shame on them and on him.

I shouldn't bitch too much we had a great rehearsal today for concert band. They actually were very quiet and on task which was nice and refreshing.

And this child putting in a computer next door if he thinks he is getting an office he is sorely mistaken. Oh well.