Offensive

After reading a blog that a friend had pointed out, it really put into perspective what is offensive and what isn't. This girl is truly fucked up. If I knew how to put in links I would just send you to it. I mean when she says. "I went to lunch and made a quick $400, and when I got back to work my boss was inquiring as to where I was. Loser." Really who is the loser here. Because when you have those cold sores around your mouth and warts around the other lips, I don't think you will be making the $400 at lunch you will need for the herpes meds. It's just incredible that such people exist and I know they do in droves no less and they all seem to work in DC, go figure.


I have had a good day so far the theory class wanted me to teach them composition. Well I told them sometimes you need to understand the mechanics before you can really write. All composers and songwriters have or had an understanding of music whether it was formal or just a talent. That's hard to explain to high schoolers who just want to write the next chart topping rock ballad. Oh well we will do a project tomorrow and I have to get them to stop having me play stuff on piano because I am not good at it.:o)

Happy Hanukkah

It's been awhile but I have been ubber busy with School Christmas concerts and Family Christmas parties. Ugh to both. I mean I love Christmas, the spirit of and not so much the retail and commercialization of the birth of Gods one and only son. I am reminded of a saying a friend had, "Happy Birthday Jesus I hope you like crap." Sometimes that is how I feel. When I hear stories of grown women punching each other for a toy that their child would literally die if they do not receive. Ah... and stories of people being trampled just to get into a store the day after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving a holiday to give thanks for what we have and be thankful we have that oh and be thankful for the people in our lives if there is time. Then the next day it's a holiday to celebrate what we want or what we think we want and or deserve and we must get it at any cost possible. Even if that means degrading our soul to get it. In this era of "ownership" society should we not pause and take ownership OF our society. Are we really a society of greedy, pushy, selfish people who only want for ourselves or at the very least those we know. Where is this high christian morality that gave our newly elected President a mandate. I was raised christian and was taught to be charitable and humble, to want not for myself but for others. Now I am not an expert but I am pretty sure most all other religions hold this or similar beliefs. Then why is it that we as a country and a people so driven by the material.

This year I have taken a break from gift giving and getting. I am still getting gifts for my niece and nephews and the sister-in-law I drew in the family Christmas exchange but I have asked my family to make donations with the money they would have spent on me. I think my point was made when that notion was made fun of or just met with confusion. I am also just giving cards and trying to make an effort to personalize each of the ones I send. I hope that people will understand what I am doing. I really want to use this holiday to really be selfish and reconnect with my friends and family.

Checking the Mail !?!

There are some days when checking the mail is a religious experience. I mean a good religious experience like midnight mass, or a silent reflective prayer time. Not when the priest is listing the reasons I am going to hell. It can be a time to reflect on who I love and what I really enjoy about my life. For example I received an invitation to a Christmas party in the mail the other day and that was just wonderful to be thought of and wanted around to celebrate such a warm and special time of year. I think regardless of your beliefs Christmas is one of the best times of the year. The idea of "Goodwill to all and peace on Earth." How can you not feel good about that. I am so over the giving and the getting. I would much rather spend time with people I truly love and even a few I kind of like.:o)

Today in my school mailbox I received payment for 2 days worth of subbing which was nice and business cards. That was nice it gave me a sense of being part of the place now. And also it made me again realize why I love what I do. Though even this morning I was grumbling to myself how much I really hated this job. The business cards gave me a nice boost in my job morale.

The other thing I received was a note from the schools mothers club. At first I was feeling rather self conscience. they had written a lovely note saying that they had prayed for me. I am not an overly religious man but I do sometime find comfort and solace in an almost religious reflection. The knee jerk reaction was why the hell would they pray for me do they think I need to be prayed for what have I done. Then I thought well it was nice that they thought of me and chose to include me in some part of their beliefs. I know skitso. Even though I am sure they sent those to all the teachers I have to say it was a nice thing. At least they didn't say we prayed for your heathen gay soul. Which might have just made me laugh and throw it away.

Taboo Dinner Topics

After finishing an entry by my friend Sarah I have to say religion has come up a lot lately. Not just the subject but my place in religious belief and that of others and how we perceive others when we know their religion.

I was asked after the election by a student if I voted. I responded yes and asked him and he said yes. My response and end to the conversation was "Good for you!" And yes I meant to put the exclamation mark down. I was truly happy for him, I thought it was so important that these kids get out and add their voice to the world. He then asked me who I voted for. Now normally I don't care who knows who or what I stand for but for whatever reason I said "Well that is a pretty personal thing and I chose to keep that to myself." I guess one reason I said it was because I didn't want to in anyway influence him or other students. I feel at this age, to influence someone with opinions is so easy, I would rather just give facts and let them discover truth on their own. Now I know very few people ever do this and after reading it, it sounds stupidly optimistic. But alas I wish to be stupidly optimistic. Now the other reason is that while working for a pretty conservative school do not want to just open with my liberalism.

Well back to the story, the student didn't like my answer. He felt that I should tell him and he persisted. He said, "It's not a big deal you would tell me your religion if I asked." I had to think about that one for a moment. I asked him a question, "If it's not a big deal then why do you want to know?" His reply and I think this says a lot, "Well it gives me an idea of who you are." I thought, on the surface, that is very true on both the religion and voting. Many people could make a big assumption about a person based on both which really supports my second reason for not telling him. Well I must say telling him, I was raised Catholic and still harbor a small part of catholic faith and yet I am actively learning more about eastern philosophies and might actually like to delve into Buddhism, would probably just confuse him more. Also telling him that I register Democrat but have socialist tendencies, would really throw him off. The old saying goes when meeting new people avoid talking politics and religion.

But what are we really saying about ourselves when we do talk politics and religion. And what do we think of others when they speak on these. I must say I am guilty of it. When someone says they attend church every Sunday, I think "Oh god here is another bigoted homophobe." with my eyes rolling into the back of my head. But what an awful thing to think and even worse when I say out loud. I should know better having many friends who are both very broad minded and avid church goers. I also have friends who are gay and republican, but there I have to say "Fine be fiscally conservative and socially liberal but lets face it the core conservatives don't care for you and will not defend you unless it gets them a lot in return."

Well for myself some issues with some people I play very close to the chest because some discussions can out me and I must say even in these days and I guess even more since the election I am a bit scared. I don't like to admit that a lot but it's important, I think, for people to know that. Being a pretty liberal, agnostic, gay male in this country can set you up for some pretty big assumptions, and not all of them are good ones or apply.

Have we as a country after this election created a certain hated of each other. Liberal has become a dirty word and again some pretty bad assumptions can come from that. But on the flip side Liberals have become afraid of conservatives and even worse evangelical conservatives. I think this election has left an even larger divide than we think. Bring religion to the forefront may have won an election but I think it has created fear a suspicion and a deep divide between, Christians and non Christians. I am not just talking Jews and Muslims but those who are not so faith driven in their politics.

Maybe I am over reacting but I am still going to play it safe and keep the brochure on Toronto.

The Flu Bug or Election Results

I have been home sick the past few days. Really since voting on Tuesday. I believe in the notion of voting and whatnot but Wednesday I was ready to move to Toronto at least then I could have gone to a Dr.:o)

It's not so much the "Morality" issue or the "War on Terror", but the economy is really in the crapper and not looking to get better anytime soon. Just this morning and really after Kerry's speech. The media has really started bring up the realities of the administrations policies and how they will effect the future. They say if we privatise Social Security even just for a few million people that it will cost the government trillions of dollars. To make the Tax cuts permanent will also cost trillions of more dollars. They were also talking about businesses still doing weak and the slow growth that we have had that caused the increase from the Fed will slow down the economy even more and the bond market is looking bad as well.

The question I have is where were all these points before the election. People were so busy reporting the campaign and the results from the debates and how that did or did not help either candidates that we stopped hearing about the real news. I think in the entirety of the campaign I heard one report on what would the country be like with Kerry's policies and what the country be like with continuing Bush policies. Most annalists said that Kerry might be able to cut the deficit in 5 years but more like 10 and Bush would at least take twice as long. So much for the Fiscal conservatism.

As my friend Sarah said that a lot of times politicians will pull a bait and switch on their campaign promises, and I believe now is no difference. One of the problems and a lot of republicans have already told Bush is that if he has to appoint a new Judge to the Supreme court that he should pick a pretty moderate or centrist judge. With that there would be no over turning of Row Vs. Wade and Gay Marriage will depend on who can argue better. And if he appoints Sandra Day O'Conner to Chief Justice then you will have a pretty moderate and centrist court. So really these moral issues that the president was elected on my come to bite him in the ass. Back to O'Conner I must say I really like her. Though I do not always agree with her I have been surprised to find many times I do. Mostly because I find her fair and going a lot of how well argued a case is.

Well back at a computer I have been bitching to myself a lot so it's good to get it out.

Hoping for the best but not holding my breathe.

Free Movement of Art

I must say I am sitting in the office typing this up and there are three students just messing around on instruments. It is rather refreshing, even if it may be giving me a headache.:o) It's nice because I will guarantee they don't know the rhythm patterns or harmonics they are using they just know they like the end results. Ignorance is sometimes bliss. I remember once I became fully immersed in the academia of music I found that I enjoyed it less. Mostly because I felt like I had to know and explain everything that was going on with the music. Thus sucking the enjoyment right out of it. I was this competitive nature that if I wasn't able to explain it all or know everything there was to know that I was less than every other music student. Now that I have learned otherwise I must say I enjoy it much more. And this is probably why I am not much of a fan of a competitive nature. I mean some is good but as much as it has been ingrained into our culture so much that it is hard to convince people and students that it is ok not to know answers. Sidebar never try to type and carry on conversations at the same time it makes both seem janky. Plus I just wanted to write "janky".

Ok be well 4 day weekend thank god. I need it.

Educational Philosophy

Ok So I just came from basically sitting and watching children walk by. They call this resource were the kids are assigned to a place, not a room, for 23 minutes each day. Now I don't know who these kids are and I am stationed down by the library which means lots of kids are flowing in and out. The question then becomes who do I stop and what do I stop them for. I look at it this way if they are not in class and it doesn't seem that they are disrupting class and it doesn't seem like they are doing anything constructive then why the hell have it. Yes some kids actually study but for the most part it is a social hour or I guess 23 minutes. Hey I don't care if they are suppose to be in class and aren't it's only going to hurt them. Not my problem. I am such a bad teacher.

Clearing out the address book

So yesterday and part of today between classes I have been clearing out my address book. There were a lot of addresses I hadn't sent anything to in a long time. I started feeling bad about the people on the other end of those addresses and how I 1. hadn't spoken with them in awhile or 2.I just stopped talking with them altogether, for whatever reason. I am sure there are reasons but some of them I don't remember who they are or why I would have had their addresses. I can guess that I had chatted with them on line once or twice and maybe had a brief email conversation with them here and there and then just drifted away.
I know myself I hate when people do that to me. So I decided to write them and say hi. At least make an attempt, that was good of me right? Or am I just being a dick? Probably a little of both. I figure if I don't hear from them in the next few days I will permanently delete them from my book.

Cleaning up my addresses was like doing that once a year cleaning out of ones closet or house. Were you throw out things you don't need or use any more. I just felt weird doing that to people. Some of them were quite nice and I had to have at least one good conversation out of them. I don't normally keep emails from people I find annoying. Though I guess I could have been in a mood.

On a separate note. I am finding myself more and more bitter about attractive yet dumber than a sack of hammers people being able to find the most intelligent and genuinely wonderful people to date. While I either date liars or no one. I am reasonably intelligent and somewhat attractive. Ok so I am not bitter toward those other people more power to them and good for them. I am sure they deserve all the happiness in the world. I know I should just get over it and get out there and find someone to date. But I must say I find it difficult. Enough of the self pity shit.

Well I must say I am amazed and a bit disturb by how much of my fathers political beliefs overlap with mine. Now my father still believes single mothers should be rounded up and put into homes far away from prying eyes and that homosexuals should be aloud into the military and put on the front lines so that they could be shot and be done with them. But a lot of economics are very similar and even social. I had an interesting conversation with him on the roll of religion and government. He says that it is wonderful to have your faith, whatever that may be, but that faith should never supersede what you are obligated to do as a representative of a constituency. Now I am paraphrasing but that was the gist of it, and I agree. I have more respect for a politician that will vote the way his district or state wishes him to vote. This idea of if you are a god fearing person you should vote only one way. To also have ministers and priest not say you should vote one way but to then say "Well you will go to Hell if you vote for a person who supports (insert socially unacceptable behavior, for the religious leader)". I find it hypocritical that a church whose clergy has been involved in sexual molestation or the cover up of such cases. I really don't think that church really has a leg to stand on in my book. They preach on one hand that abortion candidates are evil and with the other hand fondle the alter boys.

Ok well I have bitched enough today I need to get ready for resource. What a waste.

Just Starting

First I would like to say I am not drunk. It just struck me as funny. So this is blogging? Well it will at least get me to writing whether anyone ever sees this or not. I think it will be good for me in one way or another.

So if this entry is a little disjointed I am sorry. I am writing while at work so I have to go teach a class now and then or in the case of what I just came from watch a hall and tell kids to tuck in their shirts. While I understand the "need" for a dress code and uniform I can also see why it is just a pain in the ass for the students as well as the teachers. Yes the argument that we want them to feel no pressure to have the right clothes and all of that and it keeps kids from wearing inappropriate clothing choices. But really these are the same kids who some drive a beamer to school while I drive a 97 mercury tracer. I think these kids are aware of the haves and the have nots. Plus if we don't let them express somewhat in their dress, the question then becomes how will they express themselves. The really funny thing is that I was walking behind some kids and another teacher yelled at those kids for having a shirt untucked. More detentions are given out for dresscode violations than anything else. They have actually sent kids home for not having the correct Khaki pants. Not for wearing jeans or shorts but for the "wrong" Khakis. Does that seem odd to anyone else.

Maybe I am a bad teacher because I have such a lax attitude toward the dress code, and toward some classroom behavior. I try to make it very relaxed in the sense that questions and mistakes are as acceptable as studious note taking and only right answers. Now getting into the groove of understanding the appropriateness of when it's time to work and play does take some time, but once established I don't find it a problem. Then again my tolerance of so much is high. I really become a stickler when it comes to rehearsal edicate.

Ok well that is probably enough for today.

Book of the day: "Tao Te Ching" Lao Tzu

Music of the moment Ben Folds "Rockin' the Suburbs"