What do I want to be when I grow up?

Over the last week I have been asking myself that question. Many of the aspects of my job have been weighing me down. For a change it really isn't about Special K, though her presence in my work life is not all that conducive to happiness for all. I am just to a point where I think I need to be able to leave work at work and not have my life revolve around it. Case in point I haven't had 2 days in a row to myself and even when I had yesterday off I was grading papers and prepping for the week ahead. I probably wouldn't mind if I didn't come home most days exhausted and wake up the same way. On the upside my limited interaction with Special K has made sleeping much easier and my stress level plummet. So yes, there are positives here.

So I guess the question is, what do I do if I don't do this? do have another 8 months to figure it out. Any and all suggestions are welcomed.

Yes I am still alive

It has been incredibly busy. today was my first real day off without having to do something work related in two weeks. I did take a day off last week but I don't consider going to the doctor and being ill a day off. Unless you are faking it but I was not. Unfortunately.

So yes I am alive but super distracted at work.

Quite possibly the worst week ever, or My What is What.

"We can't renew your license sir."

"Why not?"

"It's been suspended since September of 2004"

I am sorry what????!?!??!??!?

Yes this was my yesterday after work. Apparently a speeding ticket I got 4 years ago, that I paid was not paid and therefore I have been driving around for 4 years without a drivers license. You think this would have come up when I registered my car or bought insurance.

So I have already put in a request to get my bank records for that time and take it to the court and be like look assholes I paid this. The fun thing is no one can tell me how much it is or anything about the case. The other thing is I only received a "please pay this ticket" letter from them nothing about a suspended license. FOR FOUR YEARS!!!!!!

Seriously you would think you would send a note every so often. I have received a grand total of 3 speeding tickets in my life. I have paid them all. I am so pissed off. My friend S asked how I would get to work. I said really I have been driving 4 years without a license why worry now?

So yea if this is what the year of 33 is going to bring me I would rather skip it and be 34 right now.

Where is this all going?

Random observation during resource today. Not so much today I have actually been noticing this over several days. There is a girl in the resource with a cup that says tips and she has just been wondering around collecting money. To what end I am unsure, I feel I should ask but something could happen. Like I could get an answer.

The past three days I think I have been running a fever. I could be wrong but it has felt like I have had a cold without having a cold. Does that make sense? I have been run down, a little flemy, constant headache and my forehead has felt warm but I know I am a bad judge of those things so who knows. I really want to just take a day off. I don't know if it's because I am actually ill or just your run of the mill tired.

I have been also tossing around the idea of chucking it all here and looking for a job in another city. Of course that can't happen until next summer and who knows how I will feel then. So really this is just me rambling.

Things that piss me off... today

There are times I truly envy those who have jobs that allow them to go hours or maybe even a day without human interaction. Why do I say this? Well an example would be the pain in my ass known as resource. I have talked about it but have never really given a solid explanation on it. Resource has been sold to parents as a time when students can relax, unwind but most importantly, study. This is a load of crap. Reason number one, I would say only about 10% of those students are actually studying. I also find it hard to believe that they are actually studying at all because of reasons 2-4. Now the other 90% may at some point over the course of a semester might sit down to "study". I quote this because when they do it's really called cheating, copying homework they themselves neglected to do.



The other 90% engage in one of the following, talk quietly with friends, play ping pong, play fuzzball, or "work" on the computer. Let's tackle the first one shall we. Talking quietly with friends, really this is talking loudly and inappropriately with people in the general area. Often it is shouting to people halfway across the room. This leads to a general crowd noise one would associate with a train station.



Playing Ping pong. Imagine if you will Robin Williams and Jim Carey on crack and then on an icy patch playing ping pong. This approximates what I witness on a daily basis. Non of these kids have a clue about finesse nor do they care. I am constantly seeing them chasing after the ball because someone has smashed it as hard as they could in hopes of winning a point. In reality they miss the table completely and lose a point.



Fuzzball yet another fun game that a little more skill and a lot less aggression would help their game. And the fact that one of the children continues to make a high pitched squeal every time he spins the handle. I don't know it this a nervous tick or what but it is quite annoying. Now I will have to admit that I enjoyed today when the child was standing too close to the table and nailed himself in the balls. He had complete control over the situation. 1 step back a step or 2 don't pull the handle so hard. He did neither and continued all period tagging himself in the nuts. Stupid kids.

All of this noise and general stupidity is completely acceptable by the administration, how do I know? I asked. They want the students to feel free to relax. Oh they can also sleep during this time. You know what they can't do. Eat, drink or untuck their shirts. There is some real inconsistencies going on here.

And that is just a few of the things that piss me off.

Also some Jack ass broke my back door window and now I have to get it replaced. Did they take anything? Nope just broke the window. On other peoples cars? Nope just mine. I don't know what I did in a past life but seriously this shit sucks.

On Substitute Teaching

First let me clarify that subbing can be easy money. It can also be a big pain in the ass, for much the same reason it's easy money. You don't do much of anything. Example, today I was subbing for a US history class. The teacher is *shock* a football coach. The football team had to leave early because their game is 2.5 hours away. So they had to leave before the end of the day. Anyway in typical fashion I show up for the teacher, who has no idea who I am, to tell me to have them do these work sheets in groups and then give them a homework assignment due Monday. Ok? anything else? Nope, great! I am on board with this. However it is 48 minutes of sitting and doing nothing. I have already checked my mail several times and it's almost the weekend so I am not starting any new projects so there I am staring at the students who in turn are staring at me. The clocks in this particular building are never right and the kids try to get me to let them go early. I just throw them a look that suggests I know they are full of shit without saying it. I just gently remind them that they have to wait for the bell to ring and then they are free to go. What I really want to say is "look I don't want to be here either I usually have 8th period free."

The pay for subbing isn't great but then again I am just baby sitting. I say when you as a teacher are not there for the class the room just fills with a knock out gas that lasts roughly 45 minutes. That way they have a few minutes to gain their barrings before heading to their next class. I think this and the shock collars are the best ideas for secondary education ever.

I do not teach fluff

Just for the record, music if taught correctly is not a just mindless fun it is a serious academic pursuit. For all those nay sayers out there I say I can take Calculus and get an A faster than some people could take Music Theory and get an A. I had a student today ask if theory was a year long course. I said only if you take theory 2 which is offered next semester. He then said he may take drawing. I rolled my eyes. I hate when students, parents and faculty assume because it has "music" in the title it's easy. I got news for you, it's damned hard. As this students grade reflects. They are shocked by the fact that they need to study and that you can't just coast. I am just doing theory 1 I am not even getting into hard stuff. This is basic foundations of music. I had one of the Vice Principles tell me that some of the students are saying that my music theory class is the hardest class they have. I said good. He looked at me and asked, "It's just music how hard can it be." I swear I would never think to say that to any other faculty member. The closest I would ever come is saying "I found History to be easy but then again I loved History." the fact he said that just emphisizes how little he regards what I do. Or how ignorant he really is.