Chronicles of a Skinny man trapped in a Fat man, but at least I am eating well.

I find it interesting that I always think of my physical self in terms of what I looked like when I was in my early twenties. I think of what I weighed then as what I normally weigh and every other time in my life as out of the norm. Really who wouldn't think that? In most cases we looked and felt better as young people so why wouldn't we want to think of our ideal self as that. I did some figuring and I spent about 9 years of my life at this height at my ideal size and 9 year not. So really the "norm" isn't the norm any more. Maybe this is the way I should be? Who am I to argue with my body, if this is what it wants then this is what it should be, right??

Yea that is the mentality that has Montel holding my hand as my leg fat flows over the side of my bed. Not that I think I am obese, well the Wii says I am, but I am not comfortable. I remember what it was like to go into a store and really wear what I want. The only problem then was finding jeans with a small enough waist. Yes I am bragging a bit but really that bragging is negated by the fact that now I am wearing a waistline that dwarfs what I use to wear. When I was in college I would wear 30-31" waist now I wear 36" but really I should be in a 38 if I wanted to breathe freely and not have uncomfortable cramping. I just decided when I hit 36 that I was holding there no matter what. This is faulty logic and I am aware of that. I understand what a corset feels like to an extent because I have done it to my mid section. I am not displacing organs or anything but it does make me uncomfortable after a trip to the India Gardens buffet. This refusal to go higher than a 36 has also kept me in many of the same clothes for the last several years. Because I know that if I go buy new I will find that the size 36 in the store hasn't been stretched out as much as the size 36 I have at home.

For many years I have just ignored the fact that I have been ballooning to the point that if I went to the beach people would be trying to get me back into the water. It hasn't been until the last 3 years that I have sat up, well rolled over and pushed my self up, ok just laid there, and taken notice of my problem. It has been on again and off again with diet and exercise. I feel now is no different. I have no illusions that I am making real changes to my life. I understand that at some point I will flop off the wagon and get the elastic waistband pants out of storage. But for now I am making some head way. I am not going to lie I started to make progress last year at this time and fell off because I left my job and got depressed and got on a first name basis with all the delivery people at Donatos. I do feel had I kept up with it through the summer I would be in a much better place, but woulda, shoulda, coulda never accomplished anything.

So here I am sitting at 222 getting smaller by the day. Although I must say the other day I found out that Jimmie John's delivers and you can order on line and not have to talk to anyone!!!!!!! This excites and terrifies me all at the same time. When it comes to food I am a weak weak man. I will have that extra slice or half a pizza. I am a good boy and clear my plate more often then not. Ok I am going to stand up for myself for one minute here. I eat this way because I always have and it's not my fault my metabolism isn't like it used to be. Well actually I guess it would be since it is my body after all. Sigh, my body has betrayed me without as much as a tweet updating me about it. So here I am discovering the joys of small meals and actually sticking to a serving size, which in many cases is just ridiculously small. I now enjoy the grocery store as much as I enjoy clothing stores. Thank god I can always wear shoes no matter the size the rest of me gets.