I ask you, why?

Have you ever had days where all you want to do is vomit?

That is how my day has been going. I woke at about 5:30 this morning and was in and out of sleeping until my alarm went off. The thought of actually food just makes it worse. Just typing that made it worse. I was on the phone with someone who used to work full time here. He still sorta works for this place but really in an advisory role. He asked if this job has made me bitter yet. I just chuckled and said that I was bitter before getting to this job and then he asked if they had made me cynical again I responded by saying I have been cynical since the age of 6.

I think I go into most jobs these days with a lot of cynicism. I think rightfully so, because really I have yet to find a job that has been completely fulfilling. I mean it is always something and even on interviews. I always walk away with a little trepidation, like do I really want to work here for these people. But the answer is always yes it's a job I will take it and look for something else. If it were only that simple. I would like to think that the universe is doing me a solid by not getting the job. But I can't help thinking that it is just mocking me by sending such lame ass jobs my way.

It's not just jobs, I decided this weekend that I would like to date. That isn't true I have been wanting to date for a very long time. I just took a long hard look around what Indianapolis has to offer. Though I knew going into it that there really was nothing. It was painfully clear this weekend. Actually it was just painful. I just either decide to give up or leave. It really has come to this. It's not like the jobs are abundant here and the dating pool is very shallow in more ways than one. So really the question is why stay. I really am hard pressed to find reasons why. Yes my friends are here and... . That is just it, I have come up short on anything else and as much as I love my friends I can't justify staying here for just that. The problem is I don't know if it will be better elsewhere. With nothing solid waiting for me somewhere else I feel I am stuck here.

Ok this is just depressing me more.