So the fair, not just any fair the Indiana State Fair. I have to say over the years that my friends and I have attended the gorge fest the number of mullets and tube tops have dropped considerably. This is a disappointment to me I have always likened the state fair people watching to a Springer show. It's an affirmation of how much my life doesn't suck. With that said I will take you through the sights and sounds of the state fair or at least what I saw of it. We all met in front of the dairy bar. If you have never experienced the wonders of the dairy bar I must encourage it. The grilled Swiss on rye is so good, it doesn't hurt that it is slathered in like a pound of butter too. All things are better with butter. Of course while I was there I had to also get cheese sticks, which are also very good. Not as satisfying as drunken cheese sticks from White Castle at 3 in the morning but still very good. It's a different kind of satisfaction.
After we had all got the first course under… over… wherever, our belts we were off. My friend Erika and I were off to find one our favorite thing the King Tater.King Tater is actually a booth what we like its the potato product. I think it is more the making of the King Tater and not necessarily the item itself we crave. Imagine if you will a large and I mean large, potato stuck to a power drill and then spun. While spinning the potato is cut into one long strip and then the whole thing is dropped into a vat of boiling grease, you know the best part. It is like the ultimate curly fry. Now we could not find King Tater, we felt it must have been overthrown by what we did find. A vendor promising something very much like the King Tater but with options, I believe all the options were Chili, Cheese, Bacon bits, Chives, Sour Cream, and Ranch. Any or all of these were options to top said King Tater usurper. Really in the face of options like that I would throw off the shackles of an oppressive regent for a new tater. We opted for Cheese, Sour Cream and Chives. To say the fair eating experience is unhealthy is a bold understatement; it is down right life threatening. We and Erika's roommate shared and stilled did not finish it all.
We then walked around and saw the pigs and whatnot, I have to say how disturbing it is to walk out of the pig barn and be met with a vendor that sold sausages. It would be like walking out of your house and having across the street a soylent green cart. Poor things I hope they don't recognized a cousin or dear friend on the grill. Our walk continued to the Lactation Station, a place for mothers of newborns to breast feed. Hey we all need to eat at the fair; I just hope the moms put some butter on their nipples before breast feeding. I mean it's the fair after all. Next to the Lactation Station is the place with the blooming onion. This is the one time of the year I will eat such a thing and it really is for the breading. How can you go wrong with that? Others in the group made pit stops of their own for various food purchases. Let me clarify on the onion blossom I did not eat the whole thing it was shared among the group. Ok going on. We made our way to the giant cream puffs mmmm cream puffs. Erika, her roommate and I split one and that my friends is what sent me over the edge. All that sugar. I didn't eat as much as I have in the past but for some reason this year it hit me harder. Maybe because I have changed my eating habits or I am just getting older but whew lordy. As luck would have it we stumbled upon the Tums Diner, which was closed, can you believe that? We got a group photo in front of it. I joked that we should tip it over and take the Tums inside, until I saw an unopened box just under it and opened it and ran with a handful of free samples. And yes it helped and no I didn't feel bad about stealing. I look at it this way if the stand was open I would have got them anyway.
Now we are in the home stretch, we stop in to see the cheese sculptor, 1,387 lbs of cheddar cheese. I was looking for the 1,500 lb cracker but darn it all I couldn't find it. Seeing that much cheese at once put my friend off the idea of getting fried cheese herself, good call I say. We realized that the dairy bar would be closing in 15 minutes so if there was anything we wanted we needed to go right then. We had made it around the loop back to be we started and I needed, like heroine needed, a real milk milkshake so we set off for the final food purchase of the evening. I love the milkshakes from the fair. Again there was no way I could finish it and had to abandon half of it, but I was full and happy. I came home rubbed my belly to sleep and vowed to get to the gym tomorrow, but that day is a whole other blog.
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