Not really my life

What a bizzaro weekend. This was in essence my one free weekend of the marching season. We usually go from the first of September to mid October with one thing or another during a weekend. But this year we have managed to get one totally free weekend. No contest, no football game. And what pray tell did I do with my weekend? Well Friday I went to the gym and then got a wild hair and started purging my closet, it really hasn't stopped I just moved on to my dressers. I did do something fun don't be mistaken. I went out and hung out with my friend Xena and her friend Mindy who I really dig she is fun times. I ended up staying out pretty late. Later than I normally would when I am at Gregs. To my friends who I normally go out with don't take this next part wrong but I stayed out later because I was actually having great conversations. I am not saying with the others I don't this was just new and fresh and there for more interesting. We ended up talking music with another Butler alumna who also is a musician. It was fantastic I don't know if it was because I was drunk but I really had a great time and really miss playing in a good group. It has been so long, I would love to find a way to do more serious playing. I mean the big gay band is fine but honestly even on a secondary instrument I am bored. I would love a challenge; it's been a while for that.
Anyway my Saturday was more cleaning and boxing up things for goodwill and then I went, where you might ask on a weekend that was to be marching band free, to a marching band competition. Yes I know, I was free I should have run for the hills but alas I went. A few months ago a great friend of mine got hired as a band director 2 weeks before her band camp was to start and she had no drill and know idea what her kids were capable of doing. She asked and I said I would write some drill for her. Now she had come by a DVD of the previous year's performance, we watched it and granted I didn't do by any means my best work; however what I did produce was miles ahead of what they had. With all of this in mind I really wanted to see her band and see how they were doing with what I gave them. I was impressed; understand most of that band is in Jr. High. What I gave them, for most bands would not be challenging but for them it was and they were handling it well. Kudos to them. After I left the competition I met up with some friends for dinner and then we went out to the bars. I know 2 nights in a row what the hell is wrong with me. We didn't stay late, which was fine with me I really didn't need to. This morning was a slow day more cleaning and the gym and then I had volunteered earlier in the week to do a Parish night.

What is a Parish night you may be wondering, or maybe you are wondering why I read this blog. A Parish night is an opportunity for families in different catholic parishes to get together to here faculty and staff talk up the school I teach for. I had never been to one and this was a new concept to me. Though I had heard of it before I have never witnessed it and I never really understood it. It's like interest meetings we had for my fraternity in college. It was all the way out in Brownsburg, I am simply amazed as to the lengths people will go to send their kids to this school that is quite a haul.

So let's recap on my free weekend I went out twice made a hefty donation to goodwill, went to a band competition that my band was not at and did and info night for my school. Other than getting out to the bars that was a sad free weekend. Don't get me wrong it was well needed and productive. Yea I have a life; it's still in the shrink wrap.

100 here I come

So this is my 100th blog entry, a milestone if you will. I have been agonizing over the best topic to choose to honor this occasion and since most of you really enjoy the drunken rants here goes. I am a wee bit drunk I don't know if this will constitute as a rant or not but it is a rambling of several things and may not flow very well. I will also state up front if TMI is not your thing and I understand if it is not especially coming from me then maybe you should skip this one I will give a fair amount of warning before we get there but turn back now if you are a bit squimish. :)

So I have purged today, in my quest to get my life back under some semblance of control I purged my closet. Many clothes I have been hanging on to since college if you can believe, I have boxed up to send to goodwill. I actually , I counted, got rid of 26 sweaters I still have 21 but I did get rid of a lot. I also got rid of 2 grocery bags of tshirts, polos and dress shirts that I have not or ever will wear again. the fact that I have two huge closets in my bedroom and they barely contain my wardrobe really means I need to cut back. My friend Sarah when we were in college once said she only needed 3 outfits to survive, I don't know about that but I could stand to have less. After helping friends move last weekend I thought, I really don't want to have to move all of this shit again. So thus a great purge. I have been binging for years so this feels good. No I have not touched the shoes I did that when I moved a year and a half ago. I will maintain one vice in the way of consumerism and that will be my shoes. And DVDs and CDs and and and ... get off my back!

After all of that today I went to a band competition, you know cause I don't get enough of that on a daily basis. (rolling eyes). The difference here is I had nothing at stake. really every other week I don't either. I don't know I spent most of last week doing the rehearsals on my own and it was nice. I really felt like if I was there all the time they would be very disciplined and do very well. but the the idiot comes back and she undoes everything I did. Ah well. I am so getting over it. Note how little I have talked about her lately. I am just trying to let it roll off my back it's cheaper than therapy and medication.

*Warning* *Warning*
I need male contact soon. I just crave a little affection. Ok a lot. I am tired of being alone, I can do it that is not the problem I just really want someone around. Granted I am not sure I am totally prepared for that I have become too used to being alone I think. It would be hard to have someone around a lot but I am at a point I am ready to try again. It's just very difficult. Right now I would settle for someone to lie naked with for awhile. Granted I would like to at least like that person but you know with each passing day that is becoming less of a requirement.

So yea I am drunk and I wish my 100th blog entry was a bit more witty, a bit more insightful and maybe punctuated and spelled corectly but really that's my life always wanting more but finding the timeing to be bad. Don't get me wrong I am happy with my life don't think I have gone off the deep end. :)

In the shop

First I have to say coolio I am now at 100 comments on my blog. Thank you to all of you who made this moment possible *wipe tear* I couldn't have done it without you. No really I couldn't have, I guess I could have commented myself but that would have made me look lame… er.

Aside from that I have to report something new in my life. I have found myself in some very awkward positions. I never really knew I could bend like that before. It makes me sweaty and a bit light headed. I would almost at moments call it a swoon. What is you ask? I have started yoga and damn it kicks my ass. Tonight was my second night of it and boy it is a lot harder than I thought. No, I didn't think it would be a walk in the park but damn. There were moments I forgot to breathe. I only thought that would happen to drunken sorority girls. If you have known me for any length of time and have been keeping up with the blog you may have noticed a trend as of late. I am trying to eat better, going to the gym, being nicer to my fellow person, and now yoga. Yes I am giving my life a tune up. Why you ask? Well I am not getting any younger, not that I have been feeling old I just know that things are going to start giving up on me and I would like to prolong that as long as possible. I am also for the most part happy with me and how I am but there is always room for improvement. So that is what I am attempting. Of course in the process I will probably somehow make things worse but at least I am trying. I don't know if any of this means anything but I feel better and for right now that is good enough for me.

Coolness

It is kind of interesting being on the observational side of the great social experiment known as High School. Now I listened to an interview with a writer who firmly believed that the high school social structure always exists whether or not you are there or not. Example, if you were the cool kid in high school you are the cool kid in the adult world. I really don't buy into that. I really do believe that people may still think they are the cool kid still but they always thought that and it wasn't always true. Popularity is such a tricky thing; being popular means people like you for some reason most people later in life say they really didn't like the so called popular kids. If that is true then who made them popular? My answer, they did. It is a self proclaimed title, they did nothing to deserve it but teenagers are so self conscience that they are not going to contradict anyone lest call attention to themselves. Conformity is the name of the game in high school, to be set apart, aside from being in a sport, is not cool. Look at those after high school who are the most interesting, they are the ones who changed, did something different with their life and were most likely nerds. I have two theories as to why they do, 1.) They were ridiculed for being different so they didn't care if they tried something new it didn't matter. 2.) Because they were ridiculed they felt the need to change to conform to the norm and in the process found out who they really were. For whatever reason these people so called uncool are the more dynamic people. Those who were "cool" stayed the same for fear of screwing up a good thing and therefore haven't grown. They were not willing to take risks because that would set them apart and that would make them a looser. They couldn't have that so there they are in the same town they grew up in still going to the high school football games saying things like "When I was in school…(insert lame story here)" I would hate to ever think of my high school years as the best in my life. Hell I would hate to say that college was the best years of my life. I would hope that the best years of my life are still to come. The day I look back and say damn that was the best ever is they day I die, and that had better be a long ways away. Even then I would hope I would still want to do more.

Ha! I knew it.

Crocs stupid and evil shoes. If you know me then you know I love shoes. I can't always afford what I want but I do like them. But, but I hate crocs. No offense to those of you who love them and wear them but I think they look like gardening shoes and by extension tacky. When I see them I picture an octogenarian coming in from pruning her azaleas. But not I have proof that they are not only tacky but evil. Reports on these Styrofoam lookalikes have caused injury from getting caught in escalators and causing feet to get snagged as well. One report talked of a four year old who practically had is big toenail ripped off. It did cause a lot of bleeding and many others have had similar or worse encounters with the evil croc and mass people movers. Now if there were a story about Capri's (can't stand those either) causing cancer I would have a great week.

For the record

Really funny I was talking to Mom and she was telling that a friend of ours was saying that he thought I was going on more dates than I was willing to tell. Because I didn't want to be thought of as having too many first dates. To that I say hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I wish I had that kind of rep. In fact I am not dating, have not been dating nor will be in the foreseeable future. Not that I am against it I am just not in a place where I am having them beating down my door. Neither am I really out there trolling if you will. I have never been a very motivated dater. Only once in my life have I ever pursued a reluctant suitor. I usually take people on their word that they are not interested or really on their sideways glances for I never approach. I once did it took like 3 hours and 6 drinks to do so. I do better when I have no expectations and do real desire. I did get hit on up in Chicago during pride but nothing came of it we just danced we didn't even kiss, it was all very Victorian.

I laugh because last night I watched "Bridget Jones' Diary" and my favorite line is at the beginning "Unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was going to be with a bottle of wine. And I would finally die fat and alone and found three weeks later, half eaten by wild dogs or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction" Being 32 and struggling with weight and probably drinking more than I should I feel very much like that. But worry not gentle readers I am not ready to off myself just yet. But to get back to the point no I am not dating if I were I would guarantee that those dates would be excellent fodder for this blog. I am sure when I run out of things to write about I will start dating again.

yea for raises

Friday was my first paycheck at a higher pay and insurance. It was rather nice. The extra income will be rather nice. But it really makes me think of how some people do it on less and we talk about the working poor and those people who are one paycheck away from really bad times. I can see it, especially when they don't have a support system. Over the years since college I have always had my parents there to help me out when they could and when I needed it. The amount of stress lifted by the thought of not really needing that if something happened, like an illness or the need for other large ticket items like a car or the like. It's really being insured that has lifted the stress the most. Though I am in good health I look at my family medical history and its like walking through a mine field with clown shoes. Brother with a defibrillator, one with crones another with diabetes, heart disease rampant and cancer and diabetes in a good 3rd of the family. So one might see why going uninsured is a bit nerve racking. Ah well now I can go when I feel ill or before. A little security in life but really makes me feel worse about all those without that kind of support. But for one day I choose to be happy about my situation. Tomorrow I will go back to worry about the other 40 million that are living without coverage.

Busking

As I was walking to the gym I noticed a man sitting outside a café playing a guitar. I chuckled to myself thinking "What would people do if I just started practicing my music outside a café?" Most likely they may ask me to stop or throw money in my case depending on which instrument I was choosing to practice. It got me to thinking you see people playing guitar, saxophone or hitting a drum or bucket. But really that is all that is common, you don't see flute players, Tuba players, cellists or my favorite image a harpist. Granted if you could afford a harp you wouldn't be out on the street playing for change. That made me think, is it because people who play other instruments smart enough to choose a sensible career. Or are the more talented actually doing something with their music. After having heard my fair share of on street sax playing and admittedly I did tell a guy he needed a newer reed or a harder one (why the guy didn't deck me I will never know), they really are not that good. I am not great by any stretch of the imagination but I have more of a shot making a life for myself by just playing then most of these people. I really think it comes down to the personalities of the people play those instruments. If you have ever been in band you know what I mean. Just think about the guys that play drums you can totally see them on the streets someday. An oboe player is just far too sensible to try something like that. They are also usually too frail to spend a lot of time on the streets. I think about how it would throw people for a crumhorn consort to be sitting on a street corner. Ok that just makes me chuckle.

Trickie

Dating for me is always a difficult area, what is even more difficult is getting to that dating phase. I spend so much time trying to get to a safe place before even initiating anything. I try not to seem like I like them because what if they don't I don't want to give off that stalker vibe that is oh so sexy. But at the same time I want them to know that I might be interested if they are interested. So in doing this I play this game of dancing to the edge and then coming back and then I just come off schizophrenic. Again oh so sexy. I know I step back from it all and think I am a fucking moron, if I am interested just go for it. This would be the advice I would give any of my friends but yet what is good for them is never good for me. I know that is insane, but alas I am stuck with that. So yea how do you dance delicately across that line of "hey let's be friends" and "hey let's be friends, unless you want more then I am game." Instead I end up with "hey" which really translates to "hey let's be friends unless you want more but if you don't I am cool though I wouldn't mind seeing where it goes unless you don't know big deal just let me know." Really the only response to that should be "WTF? *click*"

Not really looking for advice I know what the advice should be. Just suck it up and do it, get it over with, the worst that could happen is they say no. I know this I am just putting it out there so later I can look at what a dumbass I am being. :)

Consumer Report

If you are ever in the market for a printer or a combo printer, scanner, copier, fax let me tell you. Do not be enticed by the low low price of Lexmark. If you are not aware of this truly craptastic product please avoid at all cost. The minor annoyances aside I find this to be a substandard product at best. By minor annoyances I refer to the fact the printer likes to talk, wait it's more like yelling in a robotic tone "Printing Started", "Printing complete" I mean seriously I don't know how many times I have jumped because of that damned thing. I also find it annoying that you can so easily change the language and have some Swedish woman yelling at me in a language I don't speak.

But the one aspect of this product that I find the most annoying is that even if you have the software for this product loaded on your computer if you have to switch between computers or ever have to disconnect it. The next time you plug it back in you must uninstall and reinstall the program every goddamned time. As soon as I get some money together I believe I will be recreating a scene from Office Space. If you know the movie you know what I mean. "PC load letter? What the fuck is PC load letter?"

If anyone has a suggestion on a good printer I am all ears.

Score one for Karma

In my Continuing struggle to be a better person I must say the past several days have actually have gone well. A few weeks ago a disparaging comment about someone I knew and wasn't terribly pleased with was made, and I refrained from making a chatty remark. It was an easy shot and normally I would take it but because I was not pleased with the individual it would have been more hurtful and vicious than other wise would have been. So I opted instead to say nothing. I was literally biting my tongue not to say anything.

This weekend afforded me the opportunity to loose my cool and just get pissed off. Several things at the contest went wrong. Not on our end but the organizers were less than organized. It rained and they were doing the best they could. I felt myself getting irritated and about to just start bitching loudly but instead I said to myself, "you can't do anything but wait, so wait." I did I just took information as it came to me asked for clarification when one tid bit didn't match what someone had said 5 minutes earlier. It actually worked out much better than I had expected. I think the best moment I had was when we were trapped in a hall waiting to load and another band had their truck blocking an entrance and taking their sweet time I just looked for solutions instead of bitching about the idiot band that is selfishly blocking an area and leaving several bands to wait in a downpour. We actually got all of our stuff loaded and out before the band ahead of us that was blocking. Of course Special K was just standing around looking like a twit that didn't know what was going on. It really didn't occur to me till this moment that she was utterly useless during all that. I believe her only contribution was, "I really don't know what to do till they move." Maybe I am just used to her being useless or I was just in such a mode of problem solving and letting things roll off my back that I just didn't notice.

The last thing is just something someone did or in this case didn't do and until recently I would have expected more from them but now I am not surprised. And you know what I am hurt and disappointed but really I haven't complained to anyone. I could openly talk about this person since so few on here know who it is and they don't read this but this may be the only time I say anything about it. Maybe I should have even written this but hey baby steps.

Wow my 30's are turning out better than my 20's

Thank you

To all who have sent me birthday wishes I thank you. To everyone else go to hell. lol Totally kidding. I am probably the worst person on remembering peoples Birthdays. So I am totally impressed that a lot of you remembered. This was probably the worst time for me to try cutting back carbs because my students just kept bringing in baked goods after baked goods all day. I had brownies and cupcakes and one class made a cake. All of which was very good; however it all spent the day taunting me and begging me to eat it. Of course I did. So tonight when I got home and said fuck the gym and almost fell asleep on the couch, I decided to say fuck the cut back and ordered Bazbauxs pizza. Of course with the pizza I also got the garlic cheese bread with pesto mmmmmmm so good but not good for me. :) I so don't really care I only turn 32 once, 29 a couple of times but 32 once. I must say I really never want to relive my 20's ever again. In retrospect the blinding poverty I didn't mind, because I didn't know better, but now that I do… never again. I really enjoy my job right now, with some minor adjustments it will get better. But until that time occurs I am pleased with the situation. Life is good, it could stand to be better but if I had all I wanted then what would be the fun in that?

Dear Ms. Manners

I have a question of etiquette. A few months ago I started up an online conversation with a young gentleman that I found attractive. We had even conversed off line in public and then something changed. I am not sure as to what occurred to cease conversation, but it has happened in the past and I let it go. I found that this young man had blocked me from websites we had used to talk and ignoring me on other sites. At this point I didn't care. What I do find perplexing and what brings me to my question of etiquette. When I see this young man in public he is always eager to say hi and almost get flirty at times. I find this behavior to be a bit two faced and irritating. So here is my question. I am obligated to return flirty behavior or can I be rude and cold which is my first instinct. Ok probably shouldn't be rude but do I need be cordial?

Yours truly,

Blown Off (but not in a good way)

For not having plans boy was I busy.

Waking up Sunday morning I figured this was going to be a boring day of sitting on my ass doing nothing. Which really I would have been fine with; I am sometimes very ok with relaxing days with nothing planned. What makes those days even better is when you are surprised and end up being very active. Around 12:45ish Xena calls and asks if I would like to go to brunch. I think sure what the hell. I was actually changing to hit the gym but thought this would be more interesting. We were meeting some friends of a friend of hers at the Aristocrat. I had never had a brunch there and now I know why. It wasn't terrible but as Xena put it we should never do brunch at a place that only does brunch one day a week and only for a few hours. I understand with an odd menu for the wait staff and the kitchen making life hell for them so our service suffered. The food was ok. I ordered a crab cake Benedict. Like eggs Benedict but instead of Canadian bacon put a crab cake in place of it. On retrospect I should have ordered the Belgian waffles. The company was very nice I actually knew one of the people from band. I had never really talked to him before so this was nice to actually get to know him better. The other person was very funny and nice; she is also an orchestra director, which I thought was cool.

On my drive up to the restaurant I was thinking that I would pop into Luna to do a little shopping for CDs. It's terrible I have this eclectic taste in music and as a result I never have a lot of any one thing or genre. There is so much music from my high school days and college days that I just don't own so I am trying to rectify that by pursuing the used CD bins. Alas today was not going to be one of those days. I ended up purchasing unused CDs but I am very happy with what I got. Xena actually made the suggestion to go record shopping after brunch so I was pleased and said of course.

After we left Luna we decided to walk around Broad Ripple. Of course it got hot and I was sweating like a whore on nickel night. We stopped at Starbucks and foolishly I ordered a green tea Frap I say foolishly because I know better. Those things never taste like they should because they are sugared to high heaven. Don't get me wrong that can be fine from time to time but sometimes it would be nice it they were a bit lighter. Ah well. While walking Xena said that she had decided to become like me "asexual" I had to explain that I was not asexual and that my porn viewing habits could prove that. I was more chaste than anything else and I had that chastity thrust upon me, not chosen. Yea about that I am not really sure what is wrong with me in that department I can't seem to get dates to last more than 1 or 2 and then I never hear from them again so I get a bit scared and decide not to even ask people I truly like. So that fucked up tale of my life can be saved for another time. Meanwhile back at the ranch. We walked around a bit and she wanted to go to a movie so we hop over to Glendale and watch "Balls of Fury" Save your money even for a stupid comedy it's not that great. I have nothing else to say about that portion of my day.

We decided to go home nap and get something to eat and then meet up at Gregs later that night to play some darts. We met around 10 and FN Joined us for about an hour and we played several games and it was good times. I really expected the place to be more crowded since most everyone had Monday off but it was pretty dead. After a couple of drinks we call it a night and head home. All in all a good day without even planning it.