Dear Body

So last night at the pride mixer I said it was ok to have a few drinks. I thought we had an understanding, apparently I was wrong. I said a few and decided to take the night off. I know my bad; however there no need for all that went on last night. After waking up at 4am because some invisible hammer was hitting I discovered that we were still a bit tipsy. My first thought was what the fuck? I leave you alone for an evening and this is what happens. It's a school night you know that. You were not to be reached at that hour so I consulted with the liver. He said something about 5 or 6 Jack and Cokes. He couldn't talk long he was still busy with that cirrhosis thing and processing a lot of booze.

I then heard a rumbling noise and went to see what was up with the stomach. He was pretty pissed off. After calming him down he filled in a lot more blanks Saying you hadn't had anything to eat all evening until 9:30!! Now I know we have had this discussion about eating that late. I don't like it and ultimately you don't either but you seem to forget that. I will give you that none of it was fried but still that late and potato chips. Come on.

Fearing the worst I went to the mouth to see what I might have said. He was hard to understand a little cottony. He also have very little to add when you could understand him. He said something about being loud and Blanche had to remind us of our inside voice. Unacceptable, that is all I have to say. God knows what else might have fallen out. Thank god I didn't let us drive, I guess that was the only good thing I did all night.

Well this just proves I can not leave you alone ever again. I am saddened and a little disappointed I expected better from you.

Sincerely
Your Better Judgement

PS Where did this tattoo on our butt come from?