Ok they weren't dead, yet. Yesterday being the good healthy eater that I am went to the nearby grocers to pick up some non fast food items for lunch. Yet again best laid plans seem to back fire on me. I grab my yogurt, banana and water and head to the cashier, see how quickly this story is going? Yea that's going to stop here soon.
I choose the only lane open at the moment. Not too bad only one woman in front of me. She has a lot of items but not too bad. I would characterize her in her late 60's early 70's as is the lady ringing up purchases. The cashier examines each and every item and scans it carefully before moving on to the next item. I would say about 30 items, yes I had time to count. I try not to look impatient so I browse the magazines, and look at the candy and other impulse items. See this is why I shouldn't be here that long had I just got in and out I wouldn't have been tempted by that sugary goodness that called out to me. *Item 4 beep* It looked right at me and said "You know, you have been really good with this eating thing and the blurry scale did say you lost a pound. So really what could it hurt." "And you deserve this."
I think to myself "I have been good and I do deserve this." *Item 6 beep* I continue with the candy "But I have been so good I should continue being good."
The candy bar gives me a knowing look *Item 10 beep* "But I am a reward and you know I will be really good." *Item 12...*
Cashier "damn this scale isn't working hold on I have to run back and weigh this banana." Shiiiiiit, Candy "You shouldn't swear it's not nice."
Me to candy "Shut up peanut buttery goodness." I look around and now 3 more people are behind me and no grocery store workers in sight. I think to myself that running one of the cash registers can't be that difficult. I could just jump over and ring myself up, oh wait shes back. Back to distractions. I wish they would redo this O'malias like they did the one downtown. 1. The one downtown looks so much better and 2. It smells so much better. I don't know what that smell was but it is in every O'malias. It's like rotting fish and spoiled milk. You know appetizing. MMMMM I am hungry. *Item 20 beep*
When did that other line open up and when did 5 people get in that line? Damn it!!! Ok this is truly getting tedious. "Eat me I am good"
"Leave me alone candy bar I have been good." *Item 24 beep*
"No you haven't don't lie I know about that pint of Ice cream you bought 3 nights ago. Just because there is still half of it left doesn't mean you have been good." Hmm the candy bar makes a compelling point.
It's coming down to which will finish first the other line or this one women's order. *Item 29 beep* Ok we are in the home stretch I think I can hold out. When did that other line close out and the cashier walk away. Damn it!!!!!
Only 2 people behind me now at least I am not alone in my suffering... wait last item... oh jesus christ grapes. Guess who is leaving to go weigh them elsewhere? Why could you not just take those the first time. Waiting, Waiting... oh some one is coming up She is telling us all to move over to another line because they are going to work on the scale on this register. "Ummm what other line?" O'malias representative looking around "Hold on" I have been holding on for 15 minutes are you kidding me. The original cashier is back and finishes ringing her up and start bagging. That's right no one has been bagging. And, and the lady is paying with a check?!?!?!?!?!
Oh look 3 lines just opened up so I grab the reese's and head to one of those lines. He weighs my one banana and scans my 3 items, beep, beep, beep and I hand my money over and get my change he hands me my bag and I am heading out the door and almost bump into the lady that was in front of me in line.
"Thanks for taking me home with you." Say's the reese's smiling up at me.
"Oh, you're not going home with me."
"Wait, maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
"Welcome to my day at least I have something sweet to eat. Thanks."
"Oh the humanity, NOOOOOOOOOO...!"
6 days ago
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